should I go to the funeral?

[phaethona]

Quote:
My grandmother recently passed away. Her death was a slow and painful one. I spent a couple weeks caring for her before she died. When the funeral came, I felt absolutely no desire to attend either. I loved my grandmother very much, and I don't feel like the circus of a modern funeral ritual was the way I wanted to begin my mourning process. I didn't. I feel absolutely no guilt over that decision and I know my grandmother isn't offended (she didn't like funerals either and actually insisted they didn't have one). I'll go visit her in the spring alone.

My sister later called and said she wished she hadn't attended, but I won't dwell on that trainwreck.

This is a very personal decision. Don't feel bad about what you decide to do. No one can tell you how to mourn.

that's what I'm afraid it's going to be, a trainwreck. And I'm trying to think in the long term and keep in mind that this is the only funeral she will have. but even still, to me is just seems like a formality. just like what someone else said, funerals are for the living. I don't really think I would regret it in the long run, I think I'm okay keeping my memories of her as she was and then going to say my goodbyes in private. I don't think she would have been upset at that, she was an understanding person.

 

[Okla-doodle-doo]

They don't always end up looking thin and ugly in a box! My mother was beautiful,they took ten years and a lot of pain from her face. I will always remember her beauty! I would go and sit in the back with the other mourners and not with the family. As soon as its over you can either view the body or not and leave and be gone before the "family" comes out.

 

[debilorrah]

Funerals are for those still alive, and if you don't want to go, then don't. I don't do funerals unless I am personally asked to go to be of support.

 

[Orchid]

I only attend funerals to be there for living people who need me, like my mom when my grandpa died. I've never gone to a funeral "for myself" or for the person who died - if I loved them while they were alive, they know it, and if I didn't going to their funeral isn't going to change that.

I'm sorry for your loss, phaethona.

 

[rancher hicks]

Let me clarify, I wasn't advocating going and staying and talking to others. Take a friend and go, kneel and tell gramma how you feel, cry if you want to and leave. It's not about others it's about you and gramma and if I were her I'd be watching and shedding a tear too. When it's over they'll be gone and you'll know you did what was right for you and gramma.

I still say go.

 

[Spookwriter]

First off, I'm sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. May the memories she
left you always be cherished.

If I could not make it to the funeral, yes I would most certainly send flowers,
a plant....something. I would not--could not-- let my Grandmothers passing
go silently.

If I wanted to go, you could bet I would be there. Not to argue with family--
neither the time nor the place. Always remember that it takes two to argue.

Family issues aside.

Some people simply do not like funerals. I've picked out enough caskets. Bought
enough clothes for someone to be laid away in. No...I'm never going to learn to
enjoy that. Something that has to be done. Funerals are just another, sad, part
of life.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[herfrds]

I would go the day before. Ask the funeral home to close the casket. You can say good bye then and not have to attend a "trainwreck."
The funeral homes are great about helping you. They can even make sure you are not disturbed by anyone.

 

[Judy]

You should do what you are comfortable with, which you said is not to go, to go to her grave later.

I wouldn't.

 

[PineappleMama]

Funerals aren't for the dead, they're already gone. Funerals are for the living left behind. So that they can say goodbye, have support if they need it, etc. If you can say goodbye to her at home then do so. If you need the kinship of your family then go.

We just lost Mems back in May and that was a fiasco so I understand completely what you're going through. You do what YOU need and let them do theirs.

 

[SallyF]

Quote:
I'm with rancher hicks. In my humble opinion, going to the funeral is the last gesture of respect you can show to anyone. That being said, you have to do what YOU feel comfortable with, and pay no attention to what you think anyone else is going to say, feel, or do. They don't count.