*Sigh* Week old baby and possibly a divorce. *Warning: RANT!!!*

[yotetrapper]

You mean there are men who do help around the house? I've not met one. My husband is about what you just described, but I dont expect more than that out of him. He does the outside work/car repairs/building and brings home most of the money. Thes rest is my job. That was the way I was raised. You might consider hiring a neighborhood girl for a few bucks to watch your kids while you nap.

 

[debilorrah]

I am going to say something that probably not going to be popular. I will use myself as an example and maybe ruffles less feathers that way. When Ken I first started our relationship, I always cooked. Dinner every weeknight, three meals a day on weekends. With the occasional pizza thrown in, that was what I did. After A bit, I started getting frustrated with the expectations. Then I read something here on BYC. What you start doing for someone us usally expected, and most find it odd when the other balks suddenly. If you start it you better finish it. I am just thankful that I have him. He doesn't run any errands, he doesn't cook, he doesn't do laundry. He does outside, I do inside. I think my duties are a bit on the heavy side, but I gladly do them because I love him. Not to keep it clean, but because I love him.

With a new baby and a 16 month old, My personal opinion is that an outside party (marriage counselor) needs to hear both sides and work with you two. This is a trying time and you both need someone to listen to each of you.

 

[GopherBoyFarms]

ok....I may sound mean, and heartless...I DONT MEAN To..............

be greatful for what you have.....I just cried my eyes out since my 9 yr old son found out (on the internet ) that he has a little brother.........he hasnt seen his dad.......(AKA sperm doner since he was 2 yrs old) my DH loves OUR son as his own...some time to much...but he IS the dad...loves me and my kid............the sperm donor just pays child support...........

W O R K IT O U T

if you can.....I was a single mom after a C-section for months.....my now DH has improved both my life and my sons life...for being a hard ass, and demanding respect....but showing love, care, and compaion....being a new family is HARD...nothing harder....and having 2 little ones...........GOD BLESS YOU ALL................
hang in there hun......................being a mommy is hard.......being a mommy AND a daddy if close to imposible

~Tiff~

 

[farmerlor]

Here's the thing: divorce or separation isn't going to fix anything here. As the father of your children, he's always going to have a place in your life so you guys need to find some way to peacefully co-exist one way or another. Sounds like it's time for an adult talk and some negotiation. One way to do that (and I do think you need a counselor or someone but until then....) is to set down some rules. One of you talk and the other has to listen without comment. Use lots of "I" language like "I feel like.....when you play games instead of helping" Then the other one talk. Maybe you can arrange for set chores and set times for game playing at least for a little while when you are still so tired and recovering from having a baby.
Hope you work it out.

 

[pokey]

with my ex i had to do all the cooking cleaning housework and help outside. i was too busy taking care of the house so he had time to run around with other women. thank GOD we didn't have kids....you have to do what's right for you but he definitely needs to help w/ the chore and kids.that is part of the for better or worse the minister was talking about.
if it doesn't work out, well in my case i look back and see 20 years i wasted on someone who was not worth the effort. things take time but my life got 100 times better w/o the dead weight!!!!!

 

[wendy]

I agree on the counselor too. If nothing else it will help you to get somethings off your chest and to have someone listen to you. I pray your husband will go to. Not all men will. But it takes two to work at a marriage. God bless you and the babies and the situation your in. I know religion gets a touch talking about on here. But if you don't go to church that would help you to get into a good church as another way of support and uplifting from a Sunday School class. (If I offended anyone by mentioning church etc, sorry )

 

[Laskaland]

Please consider your hormones at this time. Not that is an excuse for anything. But you love the guy, he just needs some guidance. Counseling would be good, but the after baby depression/sadness is probably making things worse, too.
I wish he could see this and help you. My Dh wasn't good with the kids when they were babies either, but he was a good man, who meant well, and is much better now, with t he kids being older.
Have your mom take the kids to her place for an afternoon, or hire a babysitter and hide out in a back bedroom to sleep. Would his mom help you out at all?
This too shall pass. They stay little for only so long.

 

[kees]

Have you considered marriage counseling before making any big decisions? That would seem to be the best place to work out any differences or at least to come to any possible compromises.

As you know, having a baby is an added stressor to any relationship. There could be many things going on here. Separation or divorce might be an eventuality. It's scary as h*e*double-hockey sticks. Been there...done that. But, it would be worse to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Can your parents or a friend help out once or twice a week so that you can get some rest or spend some time with your husband?

Please examine every angle before you do anything!

It's okay to vent here! We care! Holding your hand from far away...

Suzy

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Is it possible the concept of having these two tiny people depending on him is jsut scaring him into shut down mode? When I first married my hubby I already had our two oldest..one 3 yrs and one 6 months old (he has since adopted them) and was pregnant with the one we had together. We had a VERY rocky first couple of years. He was young and stupid and SCARED. He acted like a baby much of the time and was mean and didn't help and ran around doing who knows what a LOT. It took a good hard kick in the a** the the realization was losing us to make it better. He is now....oh, not perfect, but pretty darn close. He just had to be forced to grow up. Now he even does dishes and LOVES helping with the kids. Good luck.....I sure wouldn't consider it over yet.

 

[BeardedChick]

My Dh wasn't good with the kids when they were babies either, but he was a good man, who meant well, and is much better now, with t he kids being older.

You know, Laska, I think you're right on about that. A lot of the guys I know want kids, not babies. They really don't know what to do with babies. As the babies grow into more interactive kids, the dads set up. It's not an excuse, just an observation.​