*Sigh* Week old baby and possibly a divorce. *Warning: RANT!!!*

[WriterofWords]

Look in your heart and ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I love him or do I love the idea of having someone with me?
2. Do I really want it to work or do I feel I SHOULD want it to work?
3. Do I feel he really cares for me and the kids or just the kids and I'm handy?
4. Do I want to be with him for me or am I doing the staying together for the kids sake routine?
5. Can I make it on my own?
6. Do I have a support system in place that would help me succeed on my own?
7. Does he really feel I am cheating on him, or was that a power play on his part to make me come in line?
8. Can I be happy with this man?
9. Will this relationship damage my children if I stay in it for the wrong reasons?

Too many love the idea of just having a partner in their lives, so they stay in bad relationships. A lot of people feel that they should want to work on it, but don't really want to. Many partners in a relationship love the children very much, but see their partner as live in child care and don't afford them the respect and credit they deserver and need. If you are staying in it for the kids only, get out of it, it's bad for the kids not good for them, they see and feel the unfriendly and antagonistic relationship between their parents and they come to think that is normal, it isn't. Will your family and friends offer you the support you need and the help with the kids to succeed on your own? When he asked "Who is he?" did he mean it? Could he have been reflecting on his own behavior? Mistrust doesn't go away easily. Finally deep in your heart can you honestly be happy with him? Happy more than 75% of the time?

If you honestly in your heart of hearts want it to work out, get counseling, and make it work. From the sound of it though it's nothing new, and you've been dealing with it for a long time and I'm willing to bet you already know the answers in your heart.

As for giving up totally on dating and men, take a break, but don't take the attititude of "never again", because it's hard to change that attitude, trust me on that one, been there done that, still doing it.

Good luck, I hope it turns out how you want it to, how you really want it to.

 

[S&N Livestock]

I kinda understand, u do need to try and work things out for the most the 2 kids anyway.

 

[AngelzFyre]

Quote:
EXCELLENT advice and very well put. It's also good for anyone even thinking of marriage or seriously dating <modified of course>.
Thanks!

 

[Big C]

Not to intrude here but,
when I read your op, it brought back a lot of memories of the way I used to be.
Took advantage of the most wonderful woman in the world and felt no remorse at the time. It was all about me. Lucky for me my wife Joni stuck by me. For the last half of our together 29 years we are having the times of our lives, what we chose to be here for,what I should have realized long ago.
I feel remorse for all those times before when I should have not been so selfish. I missed out on so much...
Hope that things work out. You and family are in my prayers.

 

[PotterWatch]

I've been there. Counseling really helped us. I think my husband just needed to hear from someone else that his life was different since had kids to take care of. He said he wanted to be able to have one day a week to himself where he didn't have to help around the house or take care of the kids (without planning on giving me that same kind of day). The counselor told him exactly what I had been telling him... "It's not going to happen!". He really thought that I was just being a nag and that he wasn't asking all that much. It took an outside party telling him he was being unreasonable for him to really believe it and understand what a burden he was putting on me. We have had our rough spots over the years just like everyone does, but I'm glad that we have managed to stick it out.

*Just wanted to add that your insurance will often cover a certain number of counseling sessions.

 

[mamaKate]

Video games can be as addictive as alcohol. I hate to throw another complication into the sitation, but that may be part of the problem. He sounds overwhelmed and scared. Absolutely try to talk with him, and hope that he comes around. In the meantime, if he won't (or can't) help with the babies, don't hesitate to ask family members for support. You really need some back up. My gosh, when I was born, mothers weren't even allowed to leave the hospital for two weeks. Hugs and prayers, Kate

 

[TimeMist]

Quote:
Yes this ^ ^ ^ ^ Very well put.

Also whatever the reason for your DH acting like an arse, he's still acting like one. Whether it's because he's frightened, overwhelmed, frustrated etc it doesn't excuse his behaviour. Maybe it would do you both good to be separated for a while. From the sounds of it you do everything for the kids anyway, and at least this way you won't have him to look after as well.

Good luck

 

[Bettacreek]

Wow. I'm overwhelmed by the support here. I guess hubby and I are going to try to work through it. We had similar problems with our first born, and we survived, so we should be able to do it again.

As far as looking bad for leaving the babies with hubby, sure, it was a biotchy thing to do, but my husband is perfectly capable of caring for the boys, I would have never left them if I had felt otherwise.

I appreciate the overwhelming support. Nothing like a big internet family.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

If this has happened before, with your first baby, and you worked through it, I'm sure you can work on things through this one.

"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger."

If you can make it through this trying time, it will make your relationship even better.

 

[Tartannik]

I dont' want to pry either as I have only just joined this website but I just wanted to tell you that I soooooo know where you are coming from!!
I have 4 kids (first 3 in 3 years!) and a selfish husband who works all the time, plays sports, golf etc and goes to the pub, never a thought for his family!
The problem is I am too soft and let him away with it, we are still together (just) but only for the kids sake which i dont' agree with but it is much easier and I stay for a quiet life, but I dont' agree with what i am doing!
I really hope you can sort it out with your partner