Sitting with a cup of coffee. (coffee lovers)

[Peep_Show]

deb -- Just realize it's an endurance contest that doesn't last forever. And when all is said and done, you'll sleep well at night because you took the high road and won't feel any remorse....EVER.

in the meantime....

 

[perchie.girl]

deb -- Just realize it's an endurance contest that doesn't last forever. And when all is said and done, you'll sleep well at night because you took the high road and won't feel any remorse....EVER.

in the meantime....

i know.... thanks...

 

[perchie.girl]

On a similar vein Moms up on deck next.... Right now I am trying not to ride herd over her... But last year she signed a contract for 30 thousand dollars to put in one of those bathtubs that have doors in them. The guy rationalized it as only 300 dollars a month.

I reminded her that was a quarter of her income and when grandma passes away it will be a full third of her income... Besides for 30 thousand dollars you could get a full on Bathroom remodel to fit your needs not just a bathtub... She called and cancelled the next day... Whew. thank goodness there was a 72 hour cancellation window.

The thing is the Dickwad made a snide comment... "shes only saying that because its dipping into her in heritance... " meaning me... I wish I had been there to tell him... well I can t say it here...

I want to bring mom home with me eventually. Either build her a granny flat or bring in a granny flat modular... and a BIG Garage that will fit all her crap... um er stuff. Yep shes a hoarder.

the other option is to turn my bedroom into a studio and live in it myself and leave mom the house... Which could be done without permitts. But I have to remove the barriers... no steps to climb...

deb

 

[Alaskan]

Ah, the joy, the joy.


30k for a single bathtub.... Blows the mind.

 

[perchie.girl]

Ah, the joy, the joy.

30k for a single bathtub.... Blows the mind.

I priced those bathtubs... they run around four grand... Even if they had to knock out an exterior wall to put it in it shouldn't cost that much.

but she could have a contractor come in and put in a nice barrier free shower pan six feet long and tile it she could have her shower seat built in... probably wouldnt cost even as much as the fancy bathtub...

deb

 

[3goodeggs]

She hasnt changed in 99 years. and I still havent learned that I will never get validation from her.

Sorry to rant I needed to type it though.

deb

, I wanted to say something but nothing can get out of the mental door way with all the words trying to do it at once. so..

I had the best grandparents ever, but I grew up in a nest of control freaks and I was the only one they could control...and each one ripped me into a different direction because they never agreed on anything.
I feel your pain. Ever day, every dream, every photograph- I am there again. PTSD
When you are in it, you are surviving it and it is a job. You face forward and you just do your job.

When you leave it..then it haunts you and you have to learn how to handle it an entirely new way.
I will never fully recover from the damage of a few well place words.
You, my dear Deb, are alright.
You are.
She has had her way, and her words, and she is alone depending on you to care for her. YOU. If you were really not up to the task, she'd get someone else to do it.

My biggest worth to my parental family was that I was the only one who would 'take it' and stick around for more. That is why they hung on so tightly to something they felt was so worthless.
I had value. They got to enjoy being as unacceptable as they wished to be.

...Except, when I had a child, the game was over. It was my responsibility to protect him from the nightmare of my youth. I do not know if they were surprised when the one person they were so sure would never leave left, or not.
"Beware the fury of a patient man." -John Dryden

I feel for you.

 

[perchie.girl]

@3goodeggs

she didnt like my dad and she keeps comparing me to him in her mind. Because he was brilliant creative and a financial nincompoop. But in that comparison she missed the fact that he was infinately patient and jabs and barbs and sarcasm just rolled off.... often times he would laugh making the attacker much more angry.

I have seen him blow a kiss to someone that flipped him off on the freeway... what a hoot.

I cant say I am brilliant but I have a good mind and can manipulate with the rest of them. Passive aggressive is the tool of choice in this family. Thank goodness I had him in my life to see how he dealt with it. But it still gets to me and I have to take a few hours or a day to shrug it off.

deb

 

[Alaskan]

We love you deb!

 

[3goodeggs]

@3goodeggs

she didnt like my dad and she keeps comparing me to him in her mind. Because he was brilliant creative and a financial nincompoop. But in that comparison she missed the fact that he was infinately patient and jabs and barbs and sarcasm just rolled off.... often times he would laugh making the attacker much more angry.

I have seen him blow a kiss to someone that flipped him off on the freeway... what a hoot.

I cant say I am brilliant but I have a good mind and can manipulate with the rest of them. Passive aggressive is the tool of choice in this family. Thank goodness I had him in my life to see how he dealt with it. But it still gets to me and I have to take a few hours or a day to shrug it off.

deb

My mother believed that she was infinitely more important than other people because she believed she was smarter than everyone else. My father and I both had IQ's higher than hers, but we had to constantly prove ourselves.
I have finally gotten to the point where I realize people are superior to other people only in the kindness that they can show other people. You get good by giving good. Your father learned early, his power was laughter.

I guess what I am trying to say is: Stop measuring yourself by her dipstick.
She can't be that smart if she is willing to risk chasing off the people she needs for her survival.
I was always told to feel sorry for people like that, but I can't. They are giving garbage and getting good in return. They are taking advantage of the kindness of superior people. You give good, you should get some back.

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote:
I will... and thanks for sticking up for me. On an intellectual level I totally understand... and untill I am no longer codependant... my live will not change... I try and think of it as a job... and focus in on the good stuff... but sometimes I just have a melt down. My home is paid for so the little bit of income she pays me pays for keeping my horse and the few bills the house has.

If I werent doing this job she would be paying a good four grand a month for assisted living if she could find it. This way she can stay at home and be the queen of her empire and I can keep my dream alive... That land and its promise.... is what keeps me going here....

deb