So, extraordinarily lonely..

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Momagain1, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Songster

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    I am very grateful for hubbys job...

    but I am very lonely when he works! he works 70 hrs in one week; midnights; and sleeps days/eves...

    he SHOULD, you would think..have time to spend w/the family anyway..but he doesnt..when you think
    about his hours he puts in...

    wakes up at 830; leaves by at work by 1030; works til 830 ..drives home; gets home at 930ish..
    showers, eats and spends about 1/2 hr in bed watching tv to "wind down" he's asleep usually about 1030-11 am...
    then up at 830 and starts the whole process over...I do try to talk to him as he gets ready for work..but he's so darn
    cranky then it usually doesnt go well..he likes to be left alone when he first wakes up (as do I)...but i'm so desperate
    that even fighting works for me <g>...he understands..but there is no other job option for him out there right now..
    so I've been dealing with this for 10+ yrs...and it just gets worse...

    Me: I'm a SAHM, who homeschools our 13 yr old boy...the other 2 girls go to school...I run a FT biz from my home as well...
    I also can a lot from the garden and we have 47 chickens..on top of it all...

    you would think I'd be so darn busy I wouldnt have time to get lonely..but I do...

    I really dont have any girlfriends..I have one; but she's severely ill (dying) and she cant get out to do much of anything...
    I have two others that I can talk to occasionally; but I'm lacking a good friend to talk to..

    Its starting to make me very sad...almost depressed..I'm an extrovert...I need 2 be around others...not ALL the time..but man..
    even when we are home we dont do much..hubby is an introvert completely/totally..

    Just my sad pathetic attempt to vent to strangers who could probably really care less...but it is what it is..right? <sigh> here is is 615pm and NO DINNER MADE..
    thats how pathetic of a mom I am as well...I've been canning tomato sauce all day..and watching someones girls while she ran her boy to the doctor..(she's a newly made friend
    but I'm more of a mentor to her right now..than "friends")...anyway she needed help so I'm helping...

    and here I am sitting..and not caring about a thing in the world right now..and thats wrong..I just want to cry..and run away...

  2. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks &amp; Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    I sometimes get lonely when my DH is at work; especially because he works nights. Luckily, I have the boys, our two GSDs for company.
  3. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Songster

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    I have my kids; but it just isnt working anymore...soo many yrs of doing this...
  4. Beekissed

    Beekissed Free Ranging

    [​IMG] Me too....

    Though you are lonely, you most certainly are not alone. Take care of you...this bout of depression will pass. Look for uplifting books, movies, etc. that speak to your loneliness or helps you place it in perspective. I go through the same doldrums and then, if I look hard enough, I find that I am so much more blessed than many others and I find hope in the most unlikely of places.

    I think you have a good start in helping others....that is one of the best ways I've found to get rid of my own depressions.
  5. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks &amp; Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    Quote:I know. Every time my DH grumbles about having to get ready for work I tell him "so, call in retired!". He can retire any time he wants now, but plans to wait until next April when he will have 30 years on the force.

  6. mikensara

    mikensara Chirping

    Jun 16, 2011
    New York
    my hub recently switched from night shift he was gone 12 am till 1pm. He now leaves at a better hour 5:30 am and gets home a little after 6 pm. The switched shift is wonderful hes helpful around the house when he gets home and for years i was resentful doing it alone all the time when he was home he needed time to sleep and I had to do all the cleaning, shopping, etc.
    now we get the downtime for about an hour after the kids are in bed and hes more open to how i handle things around here. He didnt see before how much goes on at the dinner time to bedtime time frame because he wasnt awake. To me this is the most stressful time of day by the time all this is accomplished i am exhausted and want to just relax.
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2011
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
  8. cassie

    cassie Crowing

    Mar 19, 2009
    You need to do whatever it takes to build a life for yourself apart from your husband. Introverts don't change much and neither do extroverts. Get out a tablet and write down things you would like to do. Don't worry about whether the ideas are practical or realistic. Just write as fast as you can. Then look at your list. It will give you some ideas on what to do next.
  9. Laughslikeachicken

    Laughslikeachicken Hatching

    Aug 18, 2011
    Blanchard, Pennsylvania
    Hi, I am Laughslikeachicken. I am in Pennsylvania. What state are you in. I too get lonely. My husband doesn't work but I do and we are both in college. We spend time together but I understand about wanting a good girlfriend to confide in. I hope your situation improves. Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck and best wishes.

  10. madamwlf

    madamwlf Nevermore Acres

    Aug 22, 2010
    Mount Airy, MD
    Momagain1, I completely understand. My husband's job has him gone for weeks at a time. Most time he's home for a few days or maybe a week before having to leave again. That time home is spent getting stuff done that needs to be done before him leaving again. My son is grown and gone. So it's just me, the dogs and the chickens. I'm in a rural area, no family near by and very few friends near me. It gets really lonely and depressing being the only one really in this marriage. There have been no vacations for years because he is never home during the summer. I try to make plans for us to do things together when he is home but most times I have to cancel because he has to leave. It's really rough on my being the soul caretaker and no companionship.

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