So furious with my husband, I swear he sleeps on the couch tonight

[Sonoran Silkies]

It sounds to me like he has evaluated various problems y'all are facing and come up with what he thinks is the best solution, and is trying to explain how it is best, and that your concerns are not really relevant.

Problem of course is that it appears that by the time he presented his ideas and concerns to you, all the planning and thought had already been done (by him), rather than a two person discussion of the concerns and ways of dealing with them.

By dismissing your very real concerns without allowing you to talk about them, regardless of him feeling that they are non-issues, he is being disrespectful. By not including your in the discussion from the first time he felt like things are not working, he was disrespecful.

This is about far more than dramatically changing your goals and lifestyle; it is about being a partnership, about working WITH your spouse. You might have come up with the same solution, but your feelings would be dramaticaly different if you had not been ignored and left out of the planning.

 

[CoyoteMagic]

Oh trust me we've had rants and we've had RANTS!! We've worked through them all.

Mine makes me crazy when he gets quiet and doesn't talk. Ticks me the H!! off. I've gotten even by leaving him in the bedroom by himself and sleeping on the futon in my sewing room. He usually comes and sits outside the door and finally talks to me.

 

[grandads]

Just say NO! It's my life too!

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Ding! Ding! Ding! And we have a winner!!

 

[chicks4kids]

Just from what you've said, I feel for ya'....sorry to hear about the changes he's trying to incorporate into your lives.....but having those discussions over the phone doesn't seem to be going so well.......And it leaves both of you for the opportunity just to hang up on eachother when the other says something you don't want to hear. That sometimes can escalate an arguement into a huge fight in no time.

I hope it works out and the two of you can come to a mutual decision.......in a situation like this, it reminds me a saying my husband says "a good compromise is when both parties are equally dissatisfied". I know it almost sounds wrong, but it does make sense when you think about it. I do hope he starts to listen and truly tries to understand what you are saying.

I hope things get better for you.

 

[bluegoose]

Stand your ground. When i try pulling that Im the man of the house thing my wife will stand up to me and i will start to remember its 50/50 not 90/10 sometimes it makes me mad as h#LL but i know its 50/50 but please dont tell her i said this,

 

[kla37]

Put down all your thoughts clearly and concisely in writing, and let him know that what you say is exactly what you mean and that you cannot possibly be wrong about it, but he can, and is, and to stop trying to rethink your thought for you. He needs a wake up call that you two do NOT share a brain.

 

[kla37]

Quote:
And maybe it would HELP him see how ridiculous he is being if he did happen upon and read this!

 

[silkiechicken]

Quote:
And maybe it would HELP him see how ridiculous he is being if he did happen upon and read this!

Maybe the case for this situation, but the last dozen or so threads of this nature resulted poorly, best of luck to the OP.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Most of the time when some one (anyone) insists on telling the other person what "they" think it is because they are trying to convince themselves.

Did he tell you all of his whys? DH sometimes when he gets panicked over the state of things will go into "I gotta fix this right now" mode. It took quite a few bumps in the road for me to finally figure out that fighting with him about it just made him dig his heels in harder. I let him blow off steam and tell me about his plans for what we are going to do, and I say those are big changes let's sit on it for a day or two so we can think about it and we can go over them again. Usually by then he is a little calmer and we can actually discuss it.

These are very hard times for men. The rules are changing and their need to make sure they can take care of their family keeps them up at night. Heck it keeps us all up, but they react differently.




Our other rule is simple and effective and everyone gives me a hard time about it but it actually works. If the fight is big and we know we're both really gonna have to have it out one way or another we both have to get naked.

Yup. Not because of anything scandalous, it is just much harder to say hurtful things when you are both naked physically. It reminds you that you are both vulnerable emotionally. I say if you are married enough to have kids you are married enough to argue naked.