I just havent taken the time to mess with a signature on here, but all my others in other forums mention my husband and son. I use "you" in this but I dont mean the OPer I just mean you as a general group term
What is it about your spouse that makes you want to yell from the rooftops about how great they are? My husband has made every one of my dreams come true, and the ones he hasnt met yet we're working towards (a house and a farm). He loves me so much that he spoils me rotten, I have to stop quite often and realize he's letting me get my way and to be grateful to him for it. I can count on my one hand the number of times that he's told me no, what makes us work is that I realize what he does for me and strive to not take advantage of it in any way.
What do you do in your marriage to keep it so great? Love is a choice, it doesnt just happen. Ever. You might just fall into infatuation with someone and it might last a good number of years, but true lasting love is a choice that you make anew every day and in every situation and during every argument. Its really easy to get lazy and just not love, not think of the other person, not to be kind and caring. Its really easy to let resentment build up, to let hurt build up, and pretty soon you start to hate the person you married.
What is your best piece of marital advice? Pick a common direction and work together. Divorce isnt an option, and dont go to bed angry.
And most of all have respect for yourself and your husband, if your husband thinks its okay to belittle you, hit you, talk down to you, or otherwise mistreat you its your own darn fault for keeping it quiet. My husband's dad was verbally abusive to his mom during his childhood, drove her crazy literally at one point. Because it was all he ever knew He tried that ONE TIME and I told him dont ever do it again, he tried to go down that road with me the second time and I made it CLEAR to anyone who he respected or knew or was friends with exactly what he said to me- with him standing right there. It was a direction our marriage has never EVER gone in, instead we both made an agreement to go in a completely different direction, and always have.
We've been married 6 years, triple the national average for new marriages- and I got married 10 days after my 20th birthday! Both sets of our parents are still together after all these years, and all our grandparents died married to the same partners they first married. Smart people look at that and take any lesson anyone of those people might have and build off it.
I think there are two extremes in marriages that ruin them. The first is old conventional bible-thumping marriage. The kind that says the woman is lesser, the man is the final and only word, and the world revolves around him and he bullies or quietly demands his way around getting everything he wants when he wants it while meeting his contractual obligation to provide money shelter and food. I see that all the time in the church community and it makes me want to vomit. Why any man would want something so hollow, or why a woman would want something so seething with eventual resentment.
The other is the extreme that says "we're two separate people who are together as one" and thats just nuts. You cant live your own separate lives, working, playing, visiting, existing on your own and meeting in the middle once in a while as it fits in. I see that a lot too and its so crazy I literally start ticking off the days until it falls apart. Its so superficial. I think thats where most marriages in this country go wrong.
Aaaaand thats all the more I will say on the topic... lol.
