Sometimes we're born into the wrong family **long**

[kara_leigh]

Quote:
That is exactly how it feels.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
That is exactly how it feels.

Yep. I think this time, though, I may have finally learned not to let my guard down. There can be no casual conversations.

 

[kara_leigh]

Quote:
That is exactly how it feels.

Yep. I think this time, though, I may have finally learned not to let my guard down. There can be no casual conversations.

There are no casual conversations with my mother. She always has come sinister agenda. That's why I talk to her as little as possible and my husband does it all. It's better that way.

 

[Tiffrz-N-Kidz]

In Al-Anon we have a saying, "Detach, with love. If you can't detach with love, detach with an axe. "

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I'm so proud when I read things like this. Proud of people for doing something incredibly difficult. Distancing oneself from a huge influence and presence in life is amazingly hard. The conflict between feeling love and pain is a really difficult one to work through. Recognizing manipulation and other negative behaviors is a feat in itself, and then finding the balance for self defense and protection is an entire journey. How amazing to take something so draining, so hurtful, whether it be from spouse, parent, child, or someone else, and turn that hurt into empathy. To turn that manipulation into respect for and understanding of others and their choices. It's alchemy for the soul, and that leaden weight has truly been turned to gold, something those who love you see very clearly.

 

[debilorrah]

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That was AWESOME!!!!

 

[kara_leigh]

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That was AWESOME!!!!

I agree. Thank you for those words.

 

[Mattemma]

I would stick with dh and HIS family. They have welcomed you into their lives,and it sounds much more better for you than what your blood relatives are giving you(crap).

Cut your family off for a while and see how life really is without them.No FB or anything. I bet you will feel more at peace and life will be more fulfilling.

I think your moving 7 hours away from family is one of the BEST things you have done. If no contact is to hard then maybe send a gift for your sisters baby,but do not call or expect a thank you.Send cards and gifts if you want,but don't wait for a response.

Create your own holiday traditions.No need to spend a day with family that will treat you poorly.Hugs for you and all those dealing with loved ones that drain them.It is a tough thing to deal with,but once you do things will get better(for you).

 

[3goodeggs]

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wow. you must be a therapist. unless you are going through it yourself. Yes the first bit is very difficult. we keep hoping that our actions will initiate a change in the offending party, but it does not happen. I feel like an idiot that it took so long to give up, and I feel like a coward for giving up. The guilt, of failing to help them be happy, eats at me. It may never go away.

But, the last bit of what you wrote is wonderful. I am writing that out and taping it to the bathroom mirror.
My husband sees the change in me, my child sees the change in me. They are happier, so now I am going to look hard each morning, after I re-read those words, and look deep for that gold.
thanks.

 

[Mattemma]

<<<<We aren't allowed to not give gifts for holidays and birthdays.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You are allowed to do what you want now that you are grown.




<<<<<<One year we were very broke and had the choice of buying xmas gifts or buying food. Guess which we chose? I figured my family would be okay with that, but we found out that year that they aren't. We bought them each a nice card instead, and my mom threw a fit. My husband's birthday is in March, and my parents didn't get him a gift for that birthday. She said if we can't give xmas gifts, then she can't give bday gifts. She also refused to give us gifts the following xmas>>>>


Manipulation on your mums part.What an unpleasant thing for her to do. The beauty of being an adult is you can finally do what YOU want. You no longer have to go along with the *rules*your family came up with.Make your own rules! It is rather fun once you get going with it.....

"Yes, I know that is tradition-your tradition...but this is the tradition dh and I have decided to start for OUR family."