soon to be 19 yr old DD just told me.........UPdate.......post1

[Intheswamp]

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But silkiechicken, don't forget that PP's biggest "sevice" is abortion and that they are the largest abortion provider in the world. The young lady is talking about *having* a baby, not aborting one.

I just went to www.plannedparenthood.org to be greeted with a banner in the foreground of a picture of a happy couple that read:

"Accidents Happen
That's why we have emergency contraception (the morning after pill)."

The PP welcome page mentioned nothing about planning to be a parent, but did offer links to "Abortion", "Birth Control", "Emergency Contraception (Morning After Pill)", and "Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)". There was nothing mentioned on the welcome page about actually having, nurturing, and loving a family...basically nothing about being a parent but rather focused on *not* being a parent.

What I have written here is factual just as your statement above about PP is factual.

I still stand by my original statement that Planned Parenthood is not good place for someone considering having a baby to get advice.

Best wishes,
Ed

 

[chickaddict]

I was 26 when I had my first and it wasn't easy. I remember 18 (vaguely) and couldn't even imagine it.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

I was 24 when I had TWO...step daughters, but I AM MOM, and it's not easy either way. Hard to get slapped with a 10 year old and a 4 year old practically overnight. Forget the diapers...if I'd have had those to deal with...I'd still be single..lol! Tell that KID she's lost her mind!!! My goofy 18 year old clueless little princess got married today to a 20 year old equally clueless equally goofy BOY. Gotta love the little twits for making life intersting

It's hard to remember being that dumb, but I'm positive I had to be.....

Every kid I know that age is just really clueless. Pray she doesn't get pregnant and if she does, just do what you can.

 

[adoptedbyachicken]

I know of many couples that started out very young (one couple she was 17 and he 19) and are very sucessful happy families. It's not always a bad thing especialy in close families where the grandparents are willing to be involved. However it's a individual thing and all must be committed to making it work. All kids are hard work no matter the age, it's just up to how commited and capable the parents are. Some are up to the task very young and some not even at 40.

 

[Msbear]

I guess it depends on the couple. Everyone is different. Me at 19 ... ah.. no. I didn't even want to be around kids... always said I'd never have one. I would disappear for a week at a time partying and such. My dad was a mess for a few years until I started to calm down. I finally grew up at age 29 (4 years after I married) when I got pregnant. We planned it and I am so glad I waited. I am the happiest I have ever been and both of my sons have a mother that is totally capable, 100% involved and they know my life is nothing without them. It's hard to make that transition at 19... when the world still revolves around you.

I will say that many girls are searching for something when they want to have a baby and aren't looking to get married. A child needs both parents. I cannot believe how my single girlfriends did it. A child takes every ounce of your time.. spare.. HAH there is NO spare time. Even though there is a boyfriend involved and they've been together for 2 years... that's hardly enough time to conclude they will be together by the time baby is born. Pregnancy was one of the most stressful times of my life. Preparing, worrying, etc. I couldn't imagine not having my husband to support me. With no marriage, there is little actual commitment keeping this couple together if things get tough.

I feel sorry for all the children born into fragile living situations. Every child needs stability. It can be provided by a 19 year old. ...but it will be very difficult for your daughter to provide this without giving up on so much herself. There is no rush. I would search out some friends of hers and have a serious talk with them and see if they can talk some sense in to her.

BTW, those friends will be long gone when she has the baby. I had a cell phone full of contacts BB (before baby)... after baby, my new friends are those with kids. I still chat with those girls every once in a blue moon but, they are not a part of my new life.

 

[AngieChick]

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I agree completely. We had our first child while in college at 21, our second 2 years later. Yes, it was hard. Having babies is always hard. But, I'm sitting on the couch sandwiched between 2 amazing teen age sons and married to my love of 19 years. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Maybe erase some of the financially rough years, but those passed anyway. We didn't own our own home at the time, as many people who are underwater can attest to, that isn't always the best way to have financial stability and has no bearing on one's ability to raise a child.

I help my sister in law every week, stopping by her house for a couple of hours to play with my baby nephew while she rushes around and gets things done. I can honestly say that I think that I had it far easier handling the lack of sleep in my very early twenties than she does now (mid 30's). They are also struggling with the knowledge that she will have to go back to work in a few months, she would love to be able to stay home. Because we chose to rent and were paying far less than they are for their mortgage we were able to have me stay home for years.

I am not saying that it's always been a bed of roses, but to claim automatically that it's a huge mistake and will ruin her life may be completely inaccurate. I wish them all the best.

And thank you silkiechicken for bringing up planned parenthood. It's a wonderful resource.

 

[TeaKettleK]

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That's what I was thinkin', too. There are legal benefits to being married, whatever your spiritual beliefs.

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This one cracked me UP. LOL Birth is awesome and empowering and can be painless... but it is work like I've never done before or since. (And somehow that statement is true even having done it 4 times. LOL)

If/when the day comes, go with her to an LLL meeting!

 

[chixie]

IMO being married still doesn't mean they will still be together ... my parents had 4 kids and my dadcheated on my mom and then after 2 year of marriage he still left. my cousin cheats on every woman he marries. so no being married doesn't mean they will stick around and be faithful.

 

[Msbear]

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It's not that being married solves those problems, it's that the decision not to get married is one that bothers me... like they are not certain about that aspect of their life. When there is uncertainty, there is instability.

 

[ebwy]

maybe they are certain, and don't need to be married to prove it.