You're relying on your man for your happiness and things just don't work that way. You work all day taking care of the house and kids, and are lucky to get even a "thank you" once a week, if that.
Looking back (I was married at 18, now 27 and still married... by the grace of god... LOL... didn't look too good for awhile there) anything that changed in my surroundings or with the people I kept company with, husband included, it either helped or made me feel like crap.
I realized... about 4 years ago, I was allowing my husband to dictate my moods, based on how many compliments he gave me, how many thank-yous, how much attention he gave me, and if he himself was in a good mood or not. If I scrubbed the whole house top to bottom, and then cooked, and had everything ready for evening... and he didn't say anything about it... I'd get hurt, then get depressed, then wouldn't do it, until he tried to do it, which caused fights, which caused me to feel worse, and then him worse, and then worse again for me because of him... until I had gained 20 pounds and all we did was fight. Then he went to Iraq, and I re-adjusted myself, got a haircut, lost some weight, started drinking. Then got all upset again, because of the drinking and lack of phone calls because of what he was doing in Iraq.
So the cycle repeated until I kicked myself in the ass. You have to start doing things on your own, as an independant. If you have an extra $20, go buy some paint. It's not up to your husband. Don't rely on him to make you happy.
Maybe you need a vacation, or a day to yourself to start. Something you want to do.
I don't have my own vehicle right now, which blows. Really knocks the independant thing for a loop. BUT... I insist that I have time with the car to do what I want. I make room for myself, about every 3 days. It's the only thing that keeps me sane and chipper.
It's why I have chickens. I wanted them. No one else. Husband said "whatever" (course he knows by now that No doesn't mean much to me unless it's something important). Dad didn't want them, and I'm staying with him for right now while we wait and see what the Army has husband do next. But... everyone knew that chickens would make me happy.
And I only cook, clean, and keep things together when I'm happy. I feel much better now that I've learned the value of taking care of myself, and then everyone else.
I'll feel even better when I have my own vehicle again and I can hop in the car and go where ever, when ever.
But first you have to drag yourself out of the rut. First if you have to decide, I WILL wake up before 9am, I WILL do the dishes, I WILL do this, today. I WILL go for a walk, I WILL play with the kids, I WILL dye my hair, and I WILL paint the kitchen pink. Serves the husband right to come home to a pink kitchen, he had his chance for some opinion and say so, and he opted out.
Communication is a big thing too. You have to tell your husband you fell like poo, and you have to tell him why, and you have to tell him how he can help so things can return to normal. Tearful "I don't knows" that lead to a heated argument are not conversation. Both of you have to speak sanely, listen, and respect each other. usually hard for the man to listen, usually hard for the woman to stay sane and see it through with an even tone of voice.
But you need some fun, that's for sure. You need a night out, a new haircut, a reason to get up in the morning. And you need to have a heart to heart with the husband to get things set straight.
Keeping to yourself and keeping your feelings to yourself is just going to make this rut even deeper. Get a tow chain, haul yourself out. Start tomorrow better. Get through tomorrow. Who cares about the next day, or next week. One day at a time, until you have a reason to laugh, a lot. Helps to look for humor too.
You can't just think yourself happy. You have to put your wants into action, as action and DOING something is the only way out. Call it a pre-midlife crisis if you want, in case the new hair color doesn't turn out so great. Then you have a reason for the insane red hair. Or whatever. Think on it, then do something. No pills, no doctor, do something with yourself. This world is over medicated as it is, and a good number of depression cases are people who just don't DO anything, and take a pill instead.
Everyone gets depressed at one time or another. The ones who are happy again, are the ones who jumped out of bed one day and made a change. Then two changes. Then 3. And so on and so forth.
Sitting around complaining to other people isn't going to do much. Asking for advice you won't take... you'll still be in a rut. So just DO something, that YOU want to do. Then worry about everything else.
I'm all for the pink kitchen idea. Seriously, you'd get half done, about 3 hours before husband comes home... and you'll be like 'My god, what I have I done."... and then you'll start laughing, hysterically, and then you'll feel much better, after maybe one more cry time, when husband comes home, sees the half pink kitchen, and you can then explain yourself to him and tell him the importance he missed in the paint aisle the other day.
And that'll be one day towards progress, a lot more than you have going on now.
I wish you the best of luck!!
