Teenagers and bedroom doors.

[PaulaSB12]

This is a question for these on the facebook message who said their children where never allowed to have their bedroom doors shut while they where not sleeping. There are times when you do want to be alone. For example when you are having bad cramps or as an older child when you are shall we say exploring your own sexuality how are these to be done if you are not allowed some privacy. Or do you not want them doing anything in private.

 

[sheaviance1]

I removed one of my children's bedroom door once, but it was after there was a major violation of parental trust (he ran away from home). All of the plans for this escapade were made in his bedroom on the phone. I absolutely believe that teenagers have the right to their privacy, that is until they give you reason to violate.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

My kids can ASK to have their door shut if only they are in the room, no tv. But so far, they really seldom ask. For the second part, bathtub. It worked in DH family, so we are trying that.

 

[stargazingmommy]

until they hve broken my trust they can keep their doors shut.
Until they break my trust they can have privacy on facebook(kinda, they are required to friend me). I have all their passwords but have never had the need to follow up with them.
But if needed, I can, and will.
They have cell phones, under the plan we have I can access call logs and texts online. Never have.
They also have gps tracking enabled on their phones(my oldest is schizophrenic and autistic, it's a safety measure just in case).

 

[pdsavage]

My mother was a snoopy busy body,I aviod my mother as much as I can.No Im not friends with her nor do I want to be.She raised me to be a unquestioning robot,it was do as I say not do as I do.
I raised my kids to be adults who have a mind of their own,question everything and don't take someones word for it find the facts for yourself.
But do it in a respectfull way,just because they are adults does not make them allways right.

If my kids where doing drugs drinking and being little criminals then no privacy untill they acted more like a respectable human being.

Why would I treat em like criminals if they have done nothing wrong?

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I lived in a very controlling household. Things occurred like having our trash dug through, no closed doors, no cutting my own fingernails (anyone see Black Swan...), etc. Having never so much as touched a cigarette or skipped a class, there were not actual trust/safety violations where a situation like this may make sense. I was told and assumed that this was normal, so when my frustration of being constantly watched would lead to yelling, I was told and assumed I was "bad". I'm still trying to overcome multitudes of issues from growing up this way. The relationships I forge myself are trust based, and despite the way I grew up, I don't say, go through my husband's emails to "prevent cheating". I treat people based on how they act, not imagined "what ifs". I no longer see controlling relationships (whether they are based on enjoying the sense of control or whether the root is fear) as something excusable that I need to undergo for my own good. I now understand that mistakes are a natural part of life and learning, and am starting to no longer mentally beat myself up and anguish over every little perceived or real mishap. My life is nothing but better for it.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

Quote:
I like this idea. I'm only 25 so I very clearly remember being a teenager. I was never trusted but didn't give my parents a reason not to trust me. I grew up with 2 sister that were less than 2 years younger than me. We were all treated very differently. One of my sisters moved in with her boyfreind when she was 16. They other was depressed and had different (unhealthy) ways of dealing with that. Being the oldest, I was the one that was treated the worst. I didn't do anything wrong usually (although I did start smoking at age 15) but I was the one that was punished for their wrong-doings.
Anyway, I do believe that any teenager can be trusted until they give a reason not to be. They're not all bad until they're pushed to be. My parents always tried to catch me messing up but very rarely did because I didn't want to be the same kind of parents that they are. They weren't HORRIBLE parents, but they could have done better if they would have stopped expecting the worst.

 

[NGT ANGL]

Never had a problem with my son keeping his door closed when he was younger - he is now 22. Everyone deserves their privacy and personal space. The only time the door being closed became an issue was when it was slammed shut after a disagreement. That was not tolerated and hasn't happened since.

 

[KDailey]

Quote:
I find that last part really strange. Most responsible parents do what they can to prevent that for obvious reasons.....

 

[Urban Chaos]

I ask my boys to keep their door open. With the younger 2 (ages 6 and 3) it is a safety issue for me. My older son (11 yrs) is allowed to keep the door closed UNLESS he has female company. Dont get me wrong, I trust him completely and trust the young lady that comes to visit (she is a 2nd daughter whom I"ve known her entire life) ; my reason for this rule is that I want him to get used to automatically keeping the door open if a female friend is over when he is older. I try to be a reasonable parent and let the kids know where I'm coming from. I also grew up with a "just do it/dont question" attitude from my father and greatly resented it. I felt that, and still do, if I am required to do something I should know the reasoning behind the request.