Teenagers and rules??

[Chickenrandomness]

Quote:
man, you are so lucky! my parents have not the slightest trust in me for some reason. they probably think i'm going to rob a store or something which is something i never have, and never will even think of

 

[baltimoreharps]

This will not fly in my house. Period.
I am a mean mom and dad is a very mean dad. We must know who you are and how you know my children, plus phone numbers and contact info for the parents of said children in my house at all times. If said children/ teens, ( sorry, teens, I'm old and have a 19, 12 and 10 yr old so I've gone through it and am going through it.

aren't known, they aren't coming in the door, much less staying the night without talking to an adult. )
If you are at our home, we will know everything you are doing, where you plan to go on our watch and who you will be with. We also make sure that those plans are ok with your mom or dad and they are aware of what you are doing while at our home. You don't like it, I'll be happy to call your parents to come pick you up.
Most of mine are teen boys so I know the when they're trying to get away with something. My 15 yr old godson isn't too happy with us right now for getting on him where he is and when he's going to be home but I'd rather him be annoyed than him hurt or worse with someone I don't know. His Mom trusts him, I don't because I've heard ALL of the stories he's told over here of what he's done or been in trouble with. He just didn't know I was listening when he was talking.

It's all been backed up with his grades, report cards, etc that his Mom gave me to look at. I'm worried but he knows the rules here and he's got to stick to them.
The teen girls that will be coming to visit with DD in a few years will definately not be staying without DD here and not just crashing without interacting with anyone else in the house they are staying in at the moment. No parents, especially with no one checking on them is a concern at a total strangers home.
It's not appropriate, and not cool to just act like you should be there but treat everyone in the house with disrespect and disdain. Grandmom and dad need to talk to those girls also.
Sorry, I'm not PC and am a mean mom, just wanted to let you know how it is here.

 

[chickened]

Short story; My step brother and wife allowed adult males to live with his family. My niece grew up and became a young teenage girl, they would sit around watching porn and the adult males had no girl friends. Niece gets married at 19 to a guy, guy finds out she was molested by a 56 year old man and several other males, it started at her age of 13. Parents were oblivious of the fact never knew where she was at any time. So yes what you described is wrong, wrong, wrong. I know where my boys are at all hours of the day and who they are hangin with.

In Oregon we do not jail our sex offenders we register them and put them back into society.

 

[Lyssa]

I agree with the other posts, this sounds like really lazy parenting. But, why the heck would girl 1's dad allow these other girls to stay at his house for 1 day, let alone 3 days? It isn't just one set of parents making questionable decisions, I would have made them go home that night and I wouldn't let kids I didn't know stay in my home. Just saying...

 

[7Maples]

Quote:
I have no kids, but I love this! With the way things seem to be going, if I ever have kids I'm definitely going to have to use that!

My parents weren't quite as strict but they got it across that if you didn't follow their rules there would be a punishment contract with your name on it. My mother's main thing was, while we lived in a small town, that she had to know who you were with, where you were going, if there was any changes in the plans to call, and you had to be home before the street lights came on. When we became teens the only bit that changed was the time. It was confusing but that's part of the brilliance. Now we had to be home at a decent time, couldn't stay out too late. The confusing part was, you were never too sure of how late was too late and you really didn't want to test because of the punishment contracts. Which were really us signing, that we'd have no tv/computer/game time, no going out...basically stuck at home doing homework and chores. Somehow just the thought of it being a contract made it that much more serious.

I really don't see how parents could just let their kids out of their sights like that, cell phones or not, and have no idea who they're with. Horrible things seem to be happening more and more in this world and if the parents don't really care, once their child is out of their sight, then who do those teens have to turn to?!

 

[punk-a-doodle]

The way I see it, if the teen is yours, raise them as you see fit. If the teen belongs to someone else, speak up if they overstep their boundaries by assuming you'll watch their kid. It is your home, your comfort level. I was raised in a very strict household. It did not end up protecting me, in fact, it helped contribute to some negative experiences. My husband was raised in a very lax environment. He didn't go wild, in fact, it seems to have contributed to him being a very responsible person who can think for himself (where as I was in learned helplessness land til I was on my own for a long time). The values of respecting others and being kind, as well as knowledge of things like drugs were taught to us at a young age, and those values stuck with us despite the different upbringing. Strictness didn't mean my parents cared about me more or that a lack of it meant his didn't care about him. Their trust in him and allowance to let him make decisions seemed to be full of more respect for him as a person, where as mine projected and turned worry into limits. I always thought it was much more normal when cultures allow their kids more independence, such as riding around the steppes at the age of ten on a camel.

 

[ben is a terror]

Here's tonight's discussion both girls are 12
mine- can we go for a walk?
friend- please
ME no it's getting dark
15 min. later
mine- we'll take the dog for a walk for you
friend yea she is going to need one soon
ME no it's dark
Them but we'll have the dog and our phone and a flashlight.
ME NO IT'S DARK!!!!!!!!!
does anyone else feel like a broken record

How do you deal with your childs friends galling you by your first name?
My daughter MUST call her friends parents miss or mr.
Miss Julie and Mr. Chuck alot of her friends call me by first name when I say something the parents say what's the big deal
to me it's a sign of respect am I old fashioned?

 

[CrazyChickensEverwhere]

Quote:
My mom also taught me mrs. or mr. But most of my friends parents laugh at me and tell me to call them there first name because mrs. mr. makes them feel old

?

 

[BrattishTaz]

Quote:
I have no kids, but I love this! With the way things seem to be going, if I ever have kids I'm definitely going to have to use that!

My parents weren't quite as strict but they got it across that if you didn't follow their rules there would be a punishment contract with your name on it. My mother's main thing was, while we lived in a small town, that she had to know who you were with, where you were going, if there was any changes in the plans to call, and you had to be home before the street lights came on. When we became teens the only bit that changed was the time. It was confusing but that's part of the brilliance. Now we had to be home at a decent time, couldn't stay out too late. The confusing part was, you were never too sure of how late was too late and you really didn't want to test because of the punishment contracts. Which were really us signing, that we'd have no tv/computer/game time, no going out...basically stuck at home doing homework and chores. Somehow just the thought of it being a contract made it that much more serious.

I really don't see how parents could just let their kids out of their sights like that, cell phones or not, and have no idea who they're with. Horrible things seem to be happening more and more in this world and if the parents don't really care, once their child is out of their sight, then who do those teens have to turn to?!

You make a really good point. There is a difference between reasonable rules and smothering. My parents were way too strict and I rebelled hard. You have to find a balance which still allows your kids to have lives while you keep them safe.

 

[orientphoenix]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

OK the cast is like this Teen 1 and teens 3 through 4 her friends. (All are 15 and 16)
Dad and Grandma and grandpa.

So teen1 lives with her mother but asked Dad if she could come over - he has a pool. Soon she requests that 3 friends come over too. Their parents drop them off without speaking to dad.

They all spend the night, and the next day teen1 and teen 2 arrange to go to the beach. Teens 3 and 4 are "supposed" to be waiting for a pick up. No one shows.

So teens 3 and 4 spend the entire day in the home of teen 1's dad with grandpa and grandma. The kids never speak to the adults. The adults never question the kids about what they are doing or what their plans are. The kids go into the kitchen and make themselves food, go back to teen 1's room and eat and watch TV. Teen 1 comes home after 10 PM! The group spends the night again.

Now, forgive me if there is something seriously wrong on all counts here. Who drops their kid at some one's house for 3 days without speaking to the parents?!?!
What parents let two kids they barely know simply hang around for an undetermined amount of time with no questions whatsoever?? WTH?

I raised major questions about this and was told that I don't understand today's teens.

?!?!?! Sorry, this is simply not happening in my house or with my kids. I don't care .

But does this sound normal to any of you??

obviously teen 1 is disrespectful, not making sure ur friends r home safely or getting ur parent's permission and leaving, so darn selfish​