Teenagers and rules??

[ebwy2]

it never really came up when I was a teenager... village life means your parents will know your friends and their parents, so they already had their phone numbers anyway. but sleeping over meant that the host child's parents were asked first, then the visitor would ask their parents. When I got a bit older and had friends outside the village either their parents would pick me up or my mother would drive me there - either way, they were asked permission, and they had the phone numbers.

when a cousin turned up very upset one night, having walked several miles to get to us due to problems with his stepfather, he knew he could stay as long as he needed to and that it wouldn't ever be a problem - but he also knew that my mother would contact her sister and tell her where he was.

 

[Mattemma]

I would drive the teens home and let the parents know no sleep overs thanks.

Seriously what person spends days in another friends house and does not speak to the OWNERS of the home? Very disrespectful. I know kids want to hang and swim,but shoudln't they talk to the adults,AND if they are stuck there they should offer to help cook or clean something.Take out a bag of garbage atleast!!!!!

I will be reminding my pre-teens of proper behavior in the homes of others.

 

[Nicola]

My mum doesn't let me go to a friends unless she has met the parents and has a time to pick me up, where im going to be and what im going to be doing and who else is going to be there, and to make sure my cell phone is charged.

 

[Kaitie09]

My boyfriend and his friends are sort of like this, but not. All the parents have talked to each other at least at one time, but my boyfriend is allowed to go over to their houses anytime. He has friends that show up unannounced, and just stay outside to work on their cars or sit in his game room until he wakes up sometimes. He has gone to friends houses where the friend will leave, and my boyfriend and his friends will just stay at the house and do what they always do. However, my boyfriend does at least have to say where he is going, and has to call if they are going somewhere.

My mom on the other hand, is a bit "overprotective" it think. I have to ask permission for everything, give her their cells and house number, call when I get there, call when I walk in the door, Call to let her know if we are doing anything, call her when I get to where we are going(and have to stay on the phone until I get into the building), call her when I am leaving, call when we get back, call again to say I am in for the night, call in the morning (no later than 10am), call halfway through the day, call when I am leaving, and tell her I am home when I get there. I also have to keep a phone with me at all times.

Just a story to share about her craziness: My first year of college (I am a junior now and still have to do everything described above) I lived on campus. I gave my mom my entire schedule, and would normally call in the mornings to tell her I was awake. About 1 month into school, I woke up late for my 8am class, and had to rush there. I got to class and not 30 mins into it, a security cop walks in an calls me out. In the middle of there doorway(so everyone could hear), he tells me my mom was worried about me because she could not get a hold of me this morning. Turns out, she called the regular cops, the school's cops, my dad was on his way to check on me, and 2 of my aunts were on standby in case my dad could not find me. She had a whole search team put together in 30 min. Needless to say, I am required to commute now.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Katie's mom is a helicopter parent, but the parents in the OPs case go to far in the other direction. No parent should leave their child, even a sixteen-year-old, for a prolonged period with someone they haven't met. I trust my kid, but he is a kid. His judgment is a kid's judgment and what he thinks is okay isn't always right. Admittedly, he younger than the kids in the OPs case. He had a friend spend the night last night. The kid will be going home soon, to the parents I've spoken with on several occasions, and to whose house I've been. Things might change when he is older, but I wouldn't leave him for 3 days with someone I didn't know.

I have never had a night away from the kids with my husband. We have no family close, and although we have very good friends who I would trust with my kids lives, it would be an imposition to ask them to take my kids. JMHO

So on two levels I have problems with this situation. One is the safety of the children and the other is the rudeness involved in expecting someone else to care for my child for an undetermined period of time.

So..rude and dumb!

 

[pbjmaker]

I have to have numbers where my daughter is going and when she wanted to go on a vacation with a friend last summer we met with the parents and then I got on the online court system to see what kind of history they had. Our rule at our house is no spending the night at friends once they turn 16 (driving age here) She can have friends overnight here, but not the other way around. My oldest ruined that for the two younger ones. She was spending the night at a friends house that we knew and then decided to go to a different friends house that we didn't know so well. What she forgot was that we do random checks to see if they are where they are supposed to be. I will do a drive-by and call at 1 am if I have to.

I'm just thankful that I am almost past all this. My youngest is going to be a senior in high school this fall and the other two have moved out.

 

[chawk]

Ok I have a daughter who just turned 13 yo!! You would not believe how many parents I've come into contact with who could'nt care less. Drop em at the movies unattended on the word of the kids that"So and So's Mom will be there" but no adult stayed and they wandered around at will. Drop em at birthday parties etc and don't bother to come in. Crazy. I won't do it. I also use our judiciary case search. Don't care what people think of that, been told I'm taking it too far. Really?? How far is too far to protect your child? I work with someone whose 13 yo dd got pregnant in a situation like this. No thanks. As far as other people dropping the kids with me? Only if I know the parents and they know me. My DD went on a trip with her friends family, great people. The mom gave me an ITINERARY! Love this woman. We are so on the same page. I gave her a permission to treat form and a copy of DD medical card. Thats what you do. Not just drop and run. Can you tell this is a huge pet peeve? I trust my daughter. Its the rest of the world I have issues with! That and she is 13, not 35.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Katie09: Wow. I hope you can find a professional or someone you trust to help you with your mother (and father for enabling this behavior). That behavior is not healthy for you (or your mother).

 

[ChickenWisperer]

I'm not sure. I never went over to people's houses much anyway, seeing as I'm introverted and, not to mention, a hermit (okay, not really but still). I only ever went over to three different peoples' houses - only a few parties, only spent the night at two peoples houses. I live in a close-knit one horse town, and everyone practically knows everyone else so mom never had a problem. There are a whole 3 stoplights here.

But nothing really surprises me anymore... not the kids or the parents. Kids don't have any common sense and it seems like most parents just don't care. If you're not going to care about your kid and raise them right, then my philosophy is "don't have any".

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Last time I was taking some one else's kid on a trip I asked for a copy of the kids' medical card and a list of allergies and the mom said NO. I said, "You trust me to take your daughter but you're nervous of me having her medical card??" I knew this kid and knew she did have allergies. I knew she also had had fainting spells. (I was mildlly concerned at the time that the kid was pre-diabetic.) I reminded mom of this and said I was unwilling to take the kid without the card and permission to treat.

She acted all indignant and refused for almost a week before she gave in and her husband brought the kid and the card over.... DH wondered if maybe they didn't have insurance and I felt bad if that was the case, but it was not, she just thought I was a control freak....