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The Care and Feeding of Internet Trolls *Required Reading*

Discussion in 'Announcements, Feedback, Issues, & Guides' started by adoptedbyachicken, Feb 4, 2007.

  1. adoptedbyachicken

    adoptedbyachicken Crowing Premium Member

    Hi all! I found this great information for "Internet Trolls" with some laughs thrown in and thought I'd share it with you. We've got great rules and staff that enforce them, so we've not seen many trolls here, but when they show up here's what we will do...

    The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer

    So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the world of having a troll!

    How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?

    First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the “pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic], ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless, sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary is that? Not so much.

    So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

    How do I discipline my new troll?

    Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember: That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the keys to disciplining your new troll.

    Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

    Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of nutrition and growth and-- unlike human beings who need good nutrition and growth to survive-- it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with your new troll!

    Where do I keep my new troll?

    That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature. However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was meant to be.

    What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean I failed as a troll owner?

    Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!

    However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

    Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!

    For more detailed Troll information, see the follow up article: Internet Trolls- Where the Fairytale Ends
  2. Nifty-Chicken

    Nifty-Chicken Administrator Staff Member 11 Years

    Oh my gosh April.... that's got to be the most perfect thing ever! It mixed real-life good / helpful suggestions with humor in a homogeneously excellent way!

    Fortunately I haven't seen any trolls on this board yet, but as they say, "If you build it, they will come!"

    We've got an excellent group of moderators that have innate abilities that make them excellent caregivers to new and old trolls.

    BTW, the first suggestion... renaming your troll to "FluffyLoveBunny" is ABSOLUTELY perfect! I really need to try this on my inkjet forum the next time a troll shows up.

    Thanks so much for posting!
    maryham29379 and SNAPFISH like this.
  3. 54Belair

    54Belair In the Brooder

    Jan 11, 2007
    April, who in the world would troll a chciken board.......................

    I guess Im just a shelterted type.

    that seems wasted effort.

    Now when I go to some of my more aggressive sites, perchance I can keep and use some of those suggestions.
  4. SpottedCrow

    SpottedCrow Flock Goddess

    You'd be amazed...[​IMG]
  5. Spoyld029

    Spoyld029 Hatching

    Feb 4, 2007
    Cleveland Ohio
    One particular troll sticks out in my mind...:|
  6. DuckLady

    DuckLady Administrator Staff Member Premium Member 11 Years

    Jan 11, 2007
    NE Washington State
    One particular troll sticks out in my mind...

    Just one?[​IMG]
  7. SandraChick

    SandraChick Songster

    Man- this should be stickied....or referenced to in the rules section!


    PS- Even I can think of MORE than one!

  8. DitzzyChic

    DitzzyChic In the Brooder

    Jan 11, 2007
    ROFLMAO Now, I've got to go search for my very own Sugardoodle!!! I just know they're out there...somewhere![​IMG]
  9. 54Belair

    54Belair In the Brooder

    Jan 11, 2007
  10. DitzzyChic

    DitzzyChic In the Brooder

    Jan 11, 2007
    hahaha It is you!! I just knew it! Nobody else would post that!!![​IMG] My own little sugardoodle!!!!![​IMG]

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