"Short" story on a long, involved subject: i also have a bombshell revelation in my family. 2 years after my father's death, when I was 40, I discovered that my father wasn't really who he had claimed to be. This was only news to me and my sister. Everybody in my mother's family knew, but had kept it from us. It was not the sort of thing that really was a big deal, but finding out by accident what i thought was my family history was not true was a horrible shock. My sister thought it was funny. I reacted by getting furious with my mother.
We had been told Dad's mother had died when he was a baby and his father couldn't cope so he was raised by a maiden aunt. He had the same last name as his aunt and we assumed the old lady was his father's sister. The family had been very prominent and wealthy and actually, 200 years ago, were founders of the county where we live today, but they all died out and he was the only one left.
My mother began to show signs of dementia and her papers were in a jumble so one day when I was going through her bills etc. I found my father's birth cert. - written in German! Then I found a legal document changing his name! Turns out his family were immigrants, possibly from Poland and Denmark, he had 5 siblings (all born in this country) and they all lived in a tenement in NYC until he was put into an orphanage run by the lady he called his "aunt". He was devoted to her for saving him and took on her name and history. Needless to say, for me it was like finding out when you are middle aged that you are actually adopted - I was stunned! So after a lot years of on and off searching (my mother's family was no help - all the people who knew anything were already dead and my mother couldn't remember) I tried doing the DNA test last year. All it did was confirm that I had a good percentage of eastern European and Scandinavian blood. Then I was informed that 2 people had been found who might be 1st or 2nd cousins and they wanted to contact me. Suddenly I was no longer interested. I didn't want to open a whole new can of worms. I had a wonderful family no matter who they were. After 30 years I guess I'm finally over my anger at my father for lying to us. He was a terrific father and the only thing I regret is that he might have been ashamed of who he was and didn't want us to know. I would have loved to talk with him about it. I also am sorry that I'm no longer related to Ralph Waldo Emerson - I was really proud of that!
We had been told Dad's mother had died when he was a baby and his father couldn't cope so he was raised by a maiden aunt. He had the same last name as his aunt and we assumed the old lady was his father's sister. The family had been very prominent and wealthy and actually, 200 years ago, were founders of the county where we live today, but they all died out and he was the only one left.
My mother began to show signs of dementia and her papers were in a jumble so one day when I was going through her bills etc. I found my father's birth cert. - written in German! Then I found a legal document changing his name! Turns out his family were immigrants, possibly from Poland and Denmark, he had 5 siblings (all born in this country) and they all lived in a tenement in NYC until he was put into an orphanage run by the lady he called his "aunt". He was devoted to her for saving him and took on her name and history. Needless to say, for me it was like finding out when you are middle aged that you are actually adopted - I was stunned! So after a lot years of on and off searching (my mother's family was no help - all the people who knew anything were already dead and my mother couldn't remember) I tried doing the DNA test last year. All it did was confirm that I had a good percentage of eastern European and Scandinavian blood. Then I was informed that 2 people had been found who might be 1st or 2nd cousins and they wanted to contact me. Suddenly I was no longer interested. I didn't want to open a whole new can of worms. I had a wonderful family no matter who they were. After 30 years I guess I'm finally over my anger at my father for lying to us. He was a terrific father and the only thing I regret is that he might have been ashamed of who he was and didn't want us to know. I would have loved to talk with him about it. I also am sorry that I'm no longer related to Ralph Waldo Emerson - I was really proud of that!
But on a serious note - WHY do people have to lie - especially to their own children? It just screws people up later when they find out. Life is hard enough to figure out without being deliberately led astray with wrong information.
