The Front Porch Swing

[LindaB220]

Because asberghers is a high functioning form of autism, many don't get diagnosed. So lots of times adults who feel "off" socially, have it, but never knew or even knew it was a thing. If you or your step son find it hard to emphasize with others and don't get social cues it worth looking into. And the whole getting stuck on one thing and kind of "obsessing" over it is very comman! We had a kid obsessed with movies.... actully we had a few. One acted out the different parts and wanted staff to act them out with him. There's some pretty cool info out there and it's great there is so much so you can see the world from the perspective of those with it. It's definitely eye opening!

yep, that's the word. Obsessing. My gson is almost 16 and found 2 other's his age with the same diagnosis. One lives around the corner. So he lucked out. He has friends.

 

[Tomtommom]

Because asberghers is a high functioning form of autism, many don't get diagnosed. So lots of times adults who feel "off" socially, have it, but never knew or even knew it was a thing. If you or your step son find it hard to emphasize with others and don't get social cues it worth looking into. And the whole getting stuck on one thing and kind of "obsessing" over it is very comman! We had a kid obsessed with movies.... actully we had a few. One acted out the different parts and wanted staff to act them out with him. There's some pretty cool info out there and it's great there is so much so you can see the world from the perspective of those with it. It's definitely eye opening!

Just so you know, all this talking about "me" makes me feel anxious.. I feel as if I talk about myself ALL THE TIME.. it's my way of relating to another person's experiences and feelings by using my own. So I probably do talk about myself all the time. Aaaargh.

I've always been weird. Got teased/bullied a lot. I was the kid that smelled funny. I was the kid that didn't fit in. The fat kid. The uncoordinated kid. The kid that said weird stuff. I'm still that kid, just in an adult body now. Around other adults I still feel like an awkward teenager...

I'm really good about figuring out how people work. Why they say things, why they do things. I can totally analyze people to bits. But interacting with them is hard for me. The things I say repeat in my mind over and over, sounding weirder each time. So while you're talking to me, I'm thinking about the stuff I said and if it was weird, and what you must think about me. I come across as talkative, confident, positive etc. and on the inside I'm just grasping at straws. Fake it until you make it. When I post things online I edit my posts endlessly before hitting submit, to make sure it doesn't sound weird, comes across wrong or if I used -I- too much.

Sometimes I just close the window altogether, before submitting. I prefer corresponding through email and letters and text messages for this reason. Companies make me SO mad when I email them and they tell me to call them. Why offer email in the first place then? It takes me days to stop putting off making phone calls. I'm being super honest now, I usually deny that one.... again, so much easier when I write it. My husband is catching on to me having him call people for me

"Oh, uhm, I'm busy, can you call so and so for me?" "Oh, I've got my hands full, can you answer the phone?"

After the hear center ordeal where they made me feel like parental failure of the century I have not been back... I know I have to, but I didn't want to. I got my husband to cancel and then the next day that rude lady calls wanting to talk. AAAH. Lucky for me I was just leaving, so I told her I'd call her back... Yeah, that was like... a week ago. I swear I got my son by fate just so I HAVE to go out and face my insecurities or something.

Anyway. The whole 'social cue' thing. I do get social cues, but I think EVERYTHING is a social cue. You're playing with something, OMG I must be boring you. You sigh? OMG I made you upset! Please dont be upset! Was that an eyeroll? You dont care about me! So on and so forth.

Yeah I am pretty certain I'm an Aspie. Not that it's doing me any good knowing it.. Thomas was tested for genetic markers for autism and none showed anything wrong, but then again they're finding new markers every day. I can function well, it just takes a toll on me emotionally (the internal anxiety is a pain). I can do social stuff, I just need a few days afterward to decompress. We went to a family reunion and I was good for 2 days, by day 3 I was begging hubby for us to go. Ofcourse I said I wanted to avoid traffic by driving at night (partially true).. I just needed to get back into my own surroundings.

I love talking. I love meeting people... but it scares the bejebus out of me and feel anxious around them.

Fun fact. I did not use the bathroom the first 2-3 months my husband lived with me. I would wait for him to go to work. ... I have really weird anxieties.

I didn't edit this post, because well, I'm not sure any of it makes any sense. And blah. Word vomit.

 

[Triple Willow]

Tomtommom... I like you! lol

 

[Triple Willow]

Tomtommom... I like you! lol

...and I have one of those socially backward nephews that could tell you every single line of movie after movie and make up story after story to tell and suffers from anxiety and struggled in school. He use to be a sci fi addict, read book after book. I hated wasting my money on those books. Finally I got him interested in government. He is now a 19 year old American government and history expert, for real. He pretty much helped teach his classes from jr high through high school, even corrected his teachers several times. Those kind of conditions can be an asset. Just "try" to guide it in the right direction.

 

[Alice28]

Just so you know, all this talking about "me" makes me feel anxious.. I feel as if I talk about myself ALL THE TIME.. it's my way of relating to another person's experiences and feelings by using my own. So I probably do talk about myself all the time. Aaaargh.


I've always been weird. Got teased/bullied a lot. I was the kid that smelled funny. I was the kid that didn't fit in. The fat kid. The uncoordinated kid. The kid that said weird stuff. I'm still that kid, just in an adult body now. Around other adults I still feel like an awkward teenager...


I'm really good about figuring out how people work. Why they say things, why they do things. I can totally analyze people to bits. But interacting with them is hard for me. The things I say repeat in my mind over and over, sounding weirder each time. So while you're talking to me, I'm thinking about the stuff I said and if it was weird, and what you must think about me. I come across as talkative, confident, positive etc. and on the inside I'm just grasping at straws. Fake it until you make it. When I post things online I edit my posts endlessly before hitting submit, to make sure it doesn't sound weird, comes across wrong or if I used -I- too much. Sometimes I just close the window altogether, before submitting. I prefer corresponding through email and letters and text messages for this reason. Companies make me SO mad when I email them and they tell me to call them. Why offer email in the first place then? It takes me days to stop putting off making phone calls. I'm being super honest now, I usually deny that one.... again, so much easier when I write it. My husband is catching on to me having him call people for me "Oh, uhm, I'm busy, can you call so and so for me?" "Oh, I've got my hands full, can you answer the phone?"


After the hear center ordeal where they made me feel like parental failure of the century I have not been back... I know I have to, but I didn't want to. I got my husband to cancel and then the next day that rude lady calls wanting to talk. AAAH. Lucky for me I was just leaving, so I told her I'd call her back... Yeah, that was like... a week ago. I swear I got my son by fate just so I HAVE to go out and face my insecurities or something.


Anyway. The whole 'social cue' thing. I do get social cues, but I think EVERYTHING is a social cue. You're playing with something, OMG I must be boring you. You sigh? OMG I made you upset! Please dont be upset! Was that an eyeroll? You dont care about me! So on and so forth.


Yeah I am pretty certain I'm an Aspie. Not that it's doing me any good knowing it.. Thomas was tested for genetic markers for autism and none showed anything wrong, but then again they're finding new markers every day. I can function well, it just takes a toll on me emotionally (the internal anxiety is a pain). I can do social stuff, I just need a few days afterward to decompress. We went to a family reunion and I was good for 2 days, by day 3 I was begging hubby for us to go. Ofcourse I said I wanted to avoid traffic by driving at night (partially true).. I just needed to get back into my own surroundings.


I love talking. I love meeting people... but it scares the bejebus out of me and feel anxious around them.


Fun fact. I did not use the bathroom the first 2-3 months my husband lived with me. I would wait for him to go to work. ... I have really weird anxieties.




I didn't edit this post, because well, I'm not sure any of it makes any sense. And blah. Word vomit.

You crack me up! And I totally didn't mean to sound like I'm saying you have anything. I was just responding to you saying somtime you feel like your whole family has autism. I hope I didn't offend. Just was trying to say if certain things were there, might be worth some research. I think your step son is blessed to have you.

 

[Alice28]

You crack me up! And I totally didn't mean to sound like I'm saying you have anything. I was just responding to you saying somtime you feel like your whole family has autism. I hope I didn't offend. Just was trying to say if certain things were there, might be worth some research. I think your step son is blessed to have you.

Ps. If I go on medical sites sometimes it's like, wow all of this sounds like me today! Lol!

 

[Blooie]

Our beloved Katie was diagnosed with Autism when she was just 18 months old. Today you can spend hours with her and never be able to see it. Her geneticist told us that by the time she is in 3rd grade there should be no more need for the two special ed classes she's been in part time. I was her full time day care provider until she started kindergarten so I did a lot of the therapy and I'm proud to say that one of the things I "invented" to help her is now used consistently by the Children's Resource Center for their kids with autism - my method of teaching eye contact.

Eye contact (or total lack thereof) was a big concern for her doctors and therapists. Personally I don't think it's that big a deal but educators and other professionals seem to think it's the end all, be all. I usually don't look people dead in the eye when I talk to them either, stemming from school experiences similar to TT and the additional burden of the stuttering. Now I'm usually just fine if I'm on the phone or even on Facetime or Skype, but sitting across from someone and looking them in the eye is difficult. But, knowing the experts felt it was critical for Katie to learn eye contact, I came up with the Colorforms idea. Remember those? They were little characters and scenes that stuck to a special board. I would stick one low on one of the lenses on my glasses before Katie got here. Then when she was here, I'd tell her that our friend today was Dora, or whatever character I pulled out of the box. Then, when she'd want something I'd tell her, "You have to ask Dora - she's our helper for today, remember?" So the moment she looked at Dora, she was looking at my eyes. I'd praise the heck out of her for watching Dora so carefully and then get her the milk or the whatever. Or I'd say, "Oh, tell Dora what you saw at the store!" She wasn't looking directly into my eyes, but she was close, and it was just another step to make it happen naturally. That way of teaching the initial steps to eye contact is still being used at CRC.

Another obvious autism marker is a lack of empathy for others. That was Katie all over. Nothing was ever about anyone else - just her. So I got her a plant. Yep, just a plain old tomato plant. She is crazy for those little cherry tomatoes - picks them and sits in the yard munching them the second they are red. So I helped her plant one in a big pot. I told her that if she didn't take care of it she would make it so sad that it wouldn't grow, and she wouldn't get any tomatoes off it. I also told her that since she was a big 4 year old who could grow her own tomatoes, she would only have hers to eat that year, not Grammas. With the plant it was so easy to see if it needed something - water, fertilizer, moving into more light as the sun changed position - and she figured it out in no time. She came over one day early in the program and it was all wilted.

I sat on the ground next to her and her planter and simply asked her, "What do you think could be wrong with it? It sure looks sad and lonely."

She talked to it for a few minutes, and then she looked up at me and said, "She said she's really thirsty and nobody would give her a drink!"

I said, "That could be. What do you think you should do for her?"

She ran for her little watering can and drenched the plant, saying little comforting things to it the whole time. Then I took her inside for lunch. When we came out about an hour later, the plant had begun to perk up. She was delighted. I told her, "See, when you know something or someone is sad, there's almost always some way to help.'

It took a few more yellow leaves, dropped blossoms and wilted leaves, but by summer's end she was harvesting her tomatoes right and left. That plant gave her immediate signs that it needed her, and she responded by talking to it, taking care of it, and seeing it grow and produce. That worked better to teach her empathy and how to help others than any treatment plan or therapy. Today, with Kendra's special needs, she is awesome! She even helps with Kendra's nightly enemas - called 'Booty Duty" around our homes, and she makes sure that Kendra gets her attention and her affection because a silly little tomato plant communicated with her and reached her.

And Tom....I like you just fine too! You expressed yourself beautifully!

 

[perchie.girl]

Quote:
Tomtommom I am exactly the same way. I used to cross the street if I saw someone my own age from school coming the opposite direction.... In fear that they would talk to me or taunt me.

I did the research originally on Aspberghers because I have a great deal of those qualities. But I also am able to express and feel emotions very deeply. I grew up in a benign but very alcoholic family. many of those abilities to read facial expressions and Obsess about having offended people comes from not being able to correctly read my own family... To see if I had done something wrong. The best thing they could have done for me is encourage my main obsession for horses.

That got me out of my house out of my shell and in amongst people with similar interests. My dad would drink about two or three double Bourbons at lunch time... then beer at home. Mom had House wifes disease the term now would be social anxiety or Agoraphobia she never left the house except if my dad drove. I also was never was able to bring friends over for sleep overs or have parties.

When I moved out on my own at the ripe old age of 25 mom was very angry with me over it. She threw away my metal sculptures I had done in Art class. Were talking things that were over six feet tall. Told me she had planned on committing suicide if I ever left her. By this time I realized some of this stuff was a way to manipulate me... As she has manipulated everyone around her for ever. she did me a favor.... I love my mom but I needed to have a life of my own.

This kind of background is paralyzing for work. But I learned every nuance is not something readable or necessisarily something intended for me. it took me ten years to learn to stop obsessing... The better I got at it the better work went...

So... Life is a Process of Learning... I am back to Square one now taking care of Grandma.... Mom is next... Sigh.

deb

 

[heartsizedfarm]

Just so you know, all this talking about "me" makes me feel anxious.. I feel as if I talk about myself ALL THE TIME.. it's my way of relating to another person's experiences and feelings by using my own. So I probably do talk about myself all the time. Aaaargh.


I've always been weird. Got teased/bullied a lot. I was the kid that smelled funny. I was the kid that didn't fit in. The fat kid. The uncoordinated kid. The kid that said weird stuff. I'm still that kid, just in an adult body now. Around other adults I still feel like an awkward teenager...


I'm really good about figuring out how people work. Why they say things, why they do things. I can totally analyze people to bits. But interacting with them is hard for me. The things I say repeat in my mind over and over, sounding weirder each time. So while you're talking to me, I'm thinking about the stuff I said and if it was weird, and what you must think about me. I come across as talkative, confident, positive etc. and on the inside I'm just grasping at straws. Fake it until you make it. When I post things online I edit my posts endlessly before hitting submit, to make sure it doesn't sound weird, comes across wrong or if I used -I- too much. Sometimes I just close the window altogether, before submitting. I prefer corresponding through email and letters and text messages for this reason. Companies make me SO mad when I email them and they tell me to call them. Why offer email in the first place then? It takes me days to stop putting off making phone calls. I'm being super honest now, I usually deny that one.... again, so much easier when I write it. My husband is catching on to me having him call people for me "Oh, uhm, I'm busy, can you call so and so for me?" "Oh, I've got my hands full, can you answer the phone?"


After the hear center ordeal where they made me feel like parental failure of the century I have not been back... I know I have to, but I didn't want to. I got my husband to cancel and then the next day that rude lady calls wanting to talk. AAAH. Lucky for me I was just leaving, so I told her I'd call her back... Yeah, that was like... a week ago. I swear I got my son by fate just so I HAVE to go out and face my insecurities or something.


Anyway. The whole 'social cue' thing. I do get social cues, but I think EVERYTHING is a social cue. You're playing with something, OMG I must be boring you. You sigh? OMG I made you upset! Please dont be upset! Was that an eyeroll? You dont care about me! So on and so forth.


Yeah I am pretty certain I'm an Aspie. Not that it's doing me any good knowing it.. Thomas was tested for genetic markers for autism and none showed anything wrong, but then again they're finding new markers every day. I can function well, it just takes a toll on me emotionally (the internal anxiety is a pain). I can do social stuff, I just need a few days afterward to decompress. We went to a family reunion and I was good for 2 days, by day 3 I was begging hubby for us to go. Ofcourse I said I wanted to avoid traffic by driving at night (partially true).. I just needed to get back into my own surroundings.


I love talking. I love meeting people... but it scares the bejebus out of me and feel anxious around them.


Fun fact. I did not use the bathroom the first 2-3 months my husband lived with me. I would wait for him to go to work. ... I have really weird anxieties.




I didn't edit this post, because well, I'm not sure any of it makes any sense. And blah. Word vomit.

You must not feel weird and anxious honey. Honestly, people hide their weirdness and anxiousness, so you are actually totally normal.

I've been married 32 years and I need bathroom privacy and he needs bathroom privacy and I think that's just the way it is for some people. We're just not all in your face people. I like to cuddle in bed, but im not the least bit interested in what happened before cuddling, and im sure hes not the least bit interested either. You have to be happy with the way you yourself are living on this planet.

 

[jmoeller]

I have 2 boys diagnosed with ADHD. One is 19 one is 17.
The 19 yr.old (Luke) sounds a lot like Tomtommom's step son in some ways. As a young child he would talk to everyone. As a 3 yr old he would strike up a conversation at Walmart with the biggest toughest burliest looking guy he could find. And he would not give up until they responded to him. He is Very smart, but was very difficult to handle. High High energy, needed a total of 6 hours of sleep a day. The rest of the day he just bounced off all the walls, fall, hurt himself and never even notice. Very oppositional. Spent a lot of time and money on therapy and meds. over the years. My Luke stories would fill a book. I love him soooo much and he has a wonderful heart, but he is the one who has caused me the most pain in my life.
Jeremiah is 17. He was just the opposite, he lives very much in his head. He can recite whole movie scenes word for word, but for the life of him can't remember to eat, or get to work on time. I think he is a little Aspergers also. Most parents are complaining there kid is gone all the time, I'm always trying to get him to go out with friends. Jeremiah sees things very black and white and can not tolerate anything that is not fair. He still breaks into tears when something isn't fair which is not cool for a 17 year old boy to do in public. In 6th grade he spent all day in the principles office hiding from other kids. Even on meds it takes him forever to get his homework done.
We did put both the boys in a WONDERFUL charter school. Jeremiah was a freshmen and Luke was a Junior. Luke decided to go off his meds. that year, he became very defiant and did not do 1 assignment for a whole semester. long story short he went back to the public school because there was no way he would be able to graduate from the charter school. The public school had much more lenient graduation requirements.
Jeremiah on the other hand did fabulous at the charter school. Matured greatly, still has a lot of difficulty with ADHD but has a better understanding of what it is going to take for him to become successful. Unfortunately the school board shut the charter school down. Jeremiah is now attending an online high school from home.
I can relate to a lot of what tomtommom says. Been there, done that, and still doing it.