Your DH needs to man up and tell the daughter to knock it off. He can't be neutral on this. He will either stand up for you or not. He can tell the kids to be respectful. If he doesn't, the problem will only get worse.
THe i want to slap my stepdaughter upside her head rant by Conny
- Thread starter conny63malies
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DH and I started saying that to each other when we were dating. We've been married 17-1/2 years and we still say it to one another.
Conny, I would always try to take the high road (as hard as that may be) in the stepdaughter situation. Kill them with kindness, even if it means biting your tongue until it bleeds.
DH and I started saying that to each other when we were dating. We've been married 17-1/2 years and we still say it to one another.
Conny, I would always try to take the high road (as hard as that may be) in the stepdaughter situation. Kill them with kindness, even if it means biting your tongue until it bleeds.
I can relate to the problems associated with step children. Hope has two sons and they moved into my home when they were 10 and 12 years old. Their father is a real piece of work and did everything he possibly could to undermine everything I was trying to do. When the boys would be with him he would have them not do their homework because he maintained that if the teachers were off on vacation so were his kids. They would get so far behind that they were constantly having to catch up. He tried to instill an of rebellion against authority of any kind in them. I would tell them to do something and it was always a hassle usually accompanied by under the breath disrespect.
Finally they were grown and have come to realize that I was just trying to help them while their father didn't. Each of the boys now are married and have daughters and have told their mother they want to be the kind of father that I tried to be to them. The youngest and his wife recently had their second child, a boy, and they have named him after me.
I guess the point that I am trying to make is don't buy into the program exes and step children try to run. You never win playing their game. Just continue being yourself and what happens will happen. Don't react to their digs, it will drive to crazy.
Finally they were grown and have come to realize that I was just trying to help them while their father didn't. Each of the boys now are married and have daughters and have told their mother they want to be the kind of father that I tried to be to them. The youngest and his wife recently had their second child, a boy, and they have named him after me.
I guess the point that I am trying to make is don't buy into the program exes and step children try to run. You never win playing their game. Just continue being yourself and what happens will happen. Don't react to their digs, it will drive to crazy.
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Jonesgirl is right. Still, you do not tolerate that behavior from your husband. I am not even getting in to the relationship between the husband and the daughter. (Dad is acting out of guilt and allowing the kids to be monsters, which will only be destructive for them in the long run.) You can't change that issue, but you CAN let hubby know in no uncertain terms that HE has to treat you with respect. No ifs, ands or buts!
- Aug 23, 2008
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This will probably make you upset and I'm sorry, but you both need to grow up. Even if she's 18 she's the kid here and your attitude isn't helping. I don't know all the history of you two, but I know there's always 3 sides to every story....hers, hers, and the truth. Coming on a public forum and cursing your step-daughter isn't real grown-up. My son-in-law & daughter didn't get along with his step mom either, but they took the high road and never stooped to her level and now they have an ok relationship. She'll always be his daughter and you might not always be his wife and she knows that.
I'm sorry too, but I've got to agree with Katy.
First of all - I dont know ANY wife and husband that "Myspace" to each other
- you're married - why would you MySpace messages to one another? Seems to me you KNOW this is an issue, has been since you married him so you're inviting this behavior in a way by going out and posting on your husbands Myspace page, clearly set up by him because his children and ex-wife live far away from your post.
Divorces dont always end on negative ground; children were born out of love at some point in time, thats why they (ex-wife and your hubby) were married to begin with, they loved each other. Just because they are divorced doesnt mean they hate each other. Those children will ALWAYS be in his life - until he dies... so you will have to deal with those children for the rest of the time you and your husband remain together. Its how you deal with it that makes the difference. Its not up to your husband, its you to you. If an invitation came addressed that way - sorry, but they are clearly in the right if they dont want you there - no moreso than you not wanting them at an event you would throw.
Time to own up and step up and be the adult - no more putting messages on DH's myspace page...and I still dont understand why would you even put something like "Remember I love you more" out there to begin with unless you were looking to start an argument?
Now my hubby and I don't have myspace account but I'm not going to look down on another married couple because they do. A wife sending a message to her hubby about the two of them is not inviting anything. I do think that the suggested reason for the account is a huge assumption. It's not up to her or her husband on how to deal with this. It's up to all of them. They all need to be respectful, put in the effort, and the 18 year old needs to grow up. The original message sent to her hubby had nothing to do with anyone other than her and her hubby.
This will probably make you upset and I'm sorry, but you both need to grow up. Even if she's 18 she's the kid here and your attitude isn't helping. I don't know all the history of you two, but I know there's always 3 sides to every story....hers, hers, and the truth. Coming on a public forum and cursing your step-daughter isn't real grown-up. My son-in-law & daughter didn't get along with his step mom either, but they took the high road and never stooped to her level and now they have an ok relationship. She'll always be his daughter and you might not always be his wife and she knows that.
First of all - I dont know ANY wife and husband that "Myspace" to each other
Divorces dont always end on negative ground; children were born out of love at some point in time, thats why they (ex-wife and your hubby) were married to begin with, they loved each other. Just because they are divorced doesnt mean they hate each other. Those children will ALWAYS be in his life - until he dies... so you will have to deal with those children for the rest of the time you and your husband remain together. Its how you deal with it that makes the difference. Its not up to your husband, its you to you. If an invitation came addressed that way - sorry, but they are clearly in the right if they dont want you there - no moreso than you not wanting them at an event you would throw.
Time to own up and step up and be the adult - no more putting messages on DH's myspace page...and I still dont understand why would you even put something like "Remember I love you more" out there to begin with unless you were looking to start an argument?
Now my hubby and I don't have myspace account but I'm not going to look down on another married couple because they do. A wife sending a message to her hubby about the two of them is not inviting anything. I do think that the suggested reason for the account is a huge assumption. It's not up to her or her husband on how to deal with this. It's up to all of them. They all need to be respectful, put in the effort, and the 18 year old needs to grow up. The original message sent to her hubby had nothing to do with anyone other than her and her hubby.
My brother is going through the same thing with my mom and her BF... THey have been together,, and living together for years... and My brother hated him for so long... It is a trust issue I think, and throwing teenage years into it will just fowl up the whole situation.
Honestly the nastier you are, the worse they will be. You have to really show them that you won't put up with their crap (dad & kids), and that you can be trusted... You won't bash their mother, or say antyhing rude or off beat about her.. because they are listening... BUT you have to act like a grown up too.. They aren't going to trust and respect you if you don't give them the same...
Good Luck
Honestly the nastier you are, the worse they will be. You have to really show them that you won't put up with their crap (dad & kids), and that you can be trusted... You won't bash their mother, or say antyhing rude or off beat about her.. because they are listening... BUT you have to act like a grown up too.. They aren't going to trust and respect you if you don't give them the same...
Good Luck
I am blessed. My step kids love me and respect me (most of the time) and Ken always supports me. Connie, step families can be a nightmare. You have my prayers
Quote:
I'm sorry too, but I've got to agree with Katy.
First of all - I dont know ANY wife and husband that "Myspace" to each other
- you're married - why would you MySpace messages to one another? Seems to me you KNOW this is an issue, has been since you married him so you're inviting this behavior in a way by going out and posting on your husbands Myspace page, clearly set up by him because his children and ex-wife live far away from your post.
Divorces dont always end on negative ground; children were born out of love at some point in time, thats why they (ex-wife and your hubby) were married to begin with, they loved each other. Just because they are divorced doesnt mean they hate each other. Those children will ALWAYS be in his life - until he dies... so you will have to deal with those children for the rest of the time you and your husband remain together. Its how you deal with it that makes the difference. Its not up to your husband, its you to you. If an invitation came addressed that way - sorry, but they are clearly in the right if they dont want you there - no moreso than you not wanting them at an event you would throw.
Time to own up and step up and be the adult - no more putting messages on DH's myspace page...and I still dont understand why would you even put something like "Remember I love you more" out there to begin with unless you were looking to start an argument?
Now my hubby and I don't have myspace account but I'm not going to look down on another married couple because they do. A wife sending a message to her hubby about the two of them is not inviting anything. I do think that the suggested reason for the account is a huge assumption. It's not up to her or her husband on how to deal with this. It's up to all of them. They all need to be respectful, put in the effort, and the 18 year old needs to grow up. The original message sent to her hubby had nothing to do with anyone other than her and her hubby.
I wasnt looking down on anyone first of all... and second, Okay, I'll concede to the fact of I assumed that is the reason for her husbands Myspace account, it seemed logical based on the entire posting and subsequent information provided; so I'll clarify and state that no married couples I know (and most have been married anywhere from 10 -20+ years) do not have a MySpace account and post to one another in that manner.
My question is why put "Remember I love you more" out there when you know his kids, who according to her own post - have issues and have done this before? I can see posting "Remember I love you" but why the "more" part?
Again... we dont know all of the facts here, just one side
.
First of all - I dont know ANY wife and husband that "Myspace" to each other
Divorces dont always end on negative ground; children were born out of love at some point in time, thats why they (ex-wife and your hubby) were married to begin with, they loved each other. Just because they are divorced doesnt mean they hate each other. Those children will ALWAYS be in his life - until he dies... so you will have to deal with those children for the rest of the time you and your husband remain together. Its how you deal with it that makes the difference. Its not up to your husband, its you to you. If an invitation came addressed that way - sorry, but they are clearly in the right if they dont want you there - no moreso than you not wanting them at an event you would throw.
Time to own up and step up and be the adult - no more putting messages on DH's myspace page...and I still dont understand why would you even put something like "Remember I love you more" out there to begin with unless you were looking to start an argument?
Now my hubby and I don't have myspace account but I'm not going to look down on another married couple because they do. A wife sending a message to her hubby about the two of them is not inviting anything. I do think that the suggested reason for the account is a huge assumption. It's not up to her or her husband on how to deal with this. It's up to all of them. They all need to be respectful, put in the effort, and the 18 year old needs to grow up. The original message sent to her hubby had nothing to do with anyone other than her and her hubby.
I wasnt looking down on anyone first of all... and second, Okay, I'll concede to the fact of I assumed that is the reason for her husbands Myspace account, it seemed logical based on the entire posting and subsequent information provided; so I'll clarify and state that no married couples I know (and most have been married anywhere from 10 -20+ years) do not have a MySpace account and post to one another in that manner.
My question is why put "Remember I love you more" out there when you know his kids, who according to her own post - have issues and have done this before? I can see posting "Remember I love you" but why the "more" part?
Again... we dont know all of the facts here, just one side
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Quote:
Hi HennysMom! My dh and I both have Myspace accounts-so now you do know a wife and husband that myspace each other. We also email, text, call-and when he was deployed, we IM'd...
We also do the "I love you more" thing sometimes. Not as often as we used to, but still occassionally.
We've been married almost four years and been together for more than six. I'm pretty sure we are adults. We have car payments, insurance, a mortgage. Yep, pretty sure on the adult thing
Hi HennysMom! My dh and I both have Myspace accounts-so now you do know a wife and husband that myspace each other. We also email, text, call-and when he was deployed, we IM'd...
We also do the "I love you more" thing sometimes. Not as often as we used to, but still occassionally.
We've been married almost four years and been together for more than six. I'm pretty sure we are adults. We have car payments, insurance, a mortgage. Yep, pretty sure on the adult thing
Quote:
Hi HennysMom! My dh and I both have Myspace accounts-so now you do know a wife and husband that myspace each other. We also email, text, call-and when he was deployed, we IM'd...
We also do the "I love you more" thing sometimes. Not as often as we used to, but still occassionally.
We've been married almost four years and been together for more than six. I'm pretty sure we are adults. We have car payments, insurance, a mortgage. Yep, pretty sure on the adult thing
KS -
well.. thanks.. now I know ONE ROFL!!
Hi HennysMom! My dh and I both have Myspace accounts-so now you do know a wife and husband that myspace each other. We also email, text, call-and when he was deployed, we IM'd...
We also do the "I love you more" thing sometimes. Not as often as we used to, but still occassionally.
We've been married almost four years and been together for more than six. I'm pretty sure we are adults. We have car payments, insurance, a mortgage. Yep, pretty sure on the adult thing
KS -
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