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Ugh...your Grandma and my Grandma must have taken the same notes...lol.
Same thing here. I could be a brain surgeon who's a country music star, have the biggest and best garden, have a billionaire husband, keep a 100 million home spotless, have the best chickens with the best eggs, work in the field in my off time (what off time?? lol) and stop world hunger and if she stopped in unannounced...she'd still shake her head in disapproval at my house or me. Maybe I'd be doing TOO much then, by her standards.
My Grandma always used to stop in unannounced. I've always worked full time in the fields like 7-8am to sundown. I gave up having a garden because I couldn't be home enough to keep the weeds at bay. Once we got our yard sowed to grass, I made flower/shrub gardens with the 12 foot cultivator (yes, that big ..I don't know why either
) I used to keep it pristinely cut with a push lawn mower until we finally got a ride on. 3 acres of lawn! Now our lawn with the lawn here takes 12 hours to cut with a 60 inch mower! I still keep it as pristinely cut as a town yard.
I've never been a domestic goddess because I've never had the time to be one. I helped put food on the table and keep the farm going. Never good enough. I wasn't sad when my border collie didn't like her and she'd have to call up to get assistance from me to help her in. I was never sad when she stopped coming because it was getting too far for her to drive because I no longer had to deal with her walking in and shaking her head in disapproval at my house. I realize she never had an easy life or the best of life and I very much appreciate all she and Grandpa did for me in taking me in. But I've had to come to terms that while my best was never good enough for her... it was good enough for me. Her disapproval says more about where she is in life than it does about me.
I still drive 2 hours to visit her and sometimes she's in one of her moods where she's mean. I try to be enlightening and positive and be the bright spot in her day. For that amount of time it's the least I can do. She must have something within her that she hasn't been able to fill in her life and I feel badly for her. It still sucks though...trying to be the positive person...but it's helped a lot figuring this out.
Debb - most definitely...that's a great step in realizing that. It's hard in your case because you live your Grandmother.
I love this quote...
"Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."
So true, right? I think we have to be happy with ourselves regardless of what others think. It's very profound to realize we don't need anyone's approval, only our own. That one thought is incredibly empowering.
Look at me getting all philosophical.
