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scottcaddy said:
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Grin and bear-it, I guess.
Scott
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Gin and bear -it, maybe lol
 
For the caregivers on here: My mom has actually requested to be put in a nursing home or something similar when she can't take care of herself anymore. She knows what a pain it is to take care of an old lady since she does some with my grandmother (who actually has a caregiver on hire that goes by a few times a day to check on her) and she doesn't want to make me deal with that. Honestly, that seems like the best option for everyone, the old person can have visits with the kids without feeling guilty for messing up the kid's life and the kids resenting them. People are just living way too long these days, my grandmother is in her 80's and hasn't been doing well for 10 years now (mini strokes, can't stand up straight, knees give out, now incontinent), but she could conceivably live another 10-15 years, maybe more... My mom is in her 60's, has degenerative disk disease that has actually fused her spine in a few places and has had cancer 2 times in the last 10 years... Should SHE be the one that has to get grandmother in and out of the bath tub and bed? Ruin the last years of HER life to take care of her mother? Or would it make more sense for some 20 something that actually went into the field because they care about old people to take care of her for 8-12 hours a day, then go home to their own life?

I'm weird though, I have no strong family ties. Most of the family I liked was on dad's side and the older generations and they are gone already, so I don't really have any tight connections to anyone in the family other than my dad really. Mom and I fight a lot, then she pouts... When dad and I fight it's yelling, doors slamming, and nearly breaking bones, but then 5 minutes later we're cool and don't get into it again for a few years... Much healthier than constantly picking at each other every time you see each other.
 
Kusanar said:
For the caregivers on here: My mom has actually requested to be put in a nursing home or something similar when she can't take care of herself anymore. She knows what a pain it is to take care of an old lady since she does some with my grandmother (who actually has a caregiver on hire that goes by a few times a day to check on her) and she doesn't want to make me deal with that. Honestly, that seems like the best option for everyone, the old person can have visits with the kids without feeling guilty for messing up the kid's life and the kids resenting them. People are just living way too long these days, my grandmother is in her 80's and hasn't been doing well for 10 years now (mini strokes, can't stand up straight, knees give out, now incontinent), but she could conceivably live another 10-15 years, maybe more... My mom is in her 60's, has degenerative disk disease that has actually fused her spine in a few places and has had cancer 2 times in the last 10 years... Should SHE be the one that has to get grandmother in and out of the bath tub and bed? Ruin the last years of HER life to take care of her mother? Or would it make more sense for some 20 something that actually went into the field because they care about old people to take care of her for 8-12 hours a day, then go home to their own life?

I'm weird though, I have no strong family ties. Most of the family I liked was on dad's side and the older generations and they are gone already, so I don't really have any tight connections to anyone in the family other than my dad really. Mom and I fight a lot, then she pouts... When dad and I fight it's yelling, doors slamming, and nearly breaking bones, but then 5 minutes later we're cool and don't get into it again for a few years... Much healthier than constantly picking at each other every time you see each other.
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AND
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My mom & I used to work together at a vet clinic. She occasionally asks me to make an appointment to have her "put to sleep". Lots of exclusionary questioning regarding anesthesia, surgery, etc. always come to the conclusion that she meant what she said. When told it is illegal here she becomes furious.
 
Kusanar said:
For the caregivers on here: My mom has actually requested to be put in a nursing home or something similar when she can't take care of herself anymore. She knows what a pain it is to take care of an old lady since she does some with my grandmother (who actually has a caregiver on hire that goes by a few times a day to check on her) and she doesn't want to make me deal with that. Honestly, that seems like the best option for everyone, the old person can have visits with the kids without feeling guilty for messing up the kid's life and the kids resenting them. People are just living way too long these days, my grandmother is in her 80's and hasn't been doing well for 10 years now (mini strokes, can't stand up straight, knees give out, now incontinent), but she could conceivably live another 10-15 years, maybe more... My mom is in her 60's, has degenerative disk disease that has actually fused her spine in a few places and has had cancer 2 times in the last 10 years... Should SHE be the one that has to get grandmother in and out of the bath tub and bed? Ruin the last years of HER life to take care of her mother? Or would it make more sense for some 20 something that actually went into the field because they care about old people to take care of her for 8-12 hours a day, then go home to their own life?

I'm weird though, I have no strong family ties. Most of the family I liked was on dad's side and the older generations and they are gone already, so I don't really have any tight connections to anyone in the family other than my dad really. Mom and I fight a lot, then she pouts... When dad and I fight it's yelling, doors slamming, and nearly breaking bones, but then 5 minutes later we're cool and don't get into it again for a few years... Much healthier than constantly picking at each other every time you see each other.
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My side of the family that are my grandparents age including my grandparents and their friends never must have figured they'd grow old and have issues. They never planned...or even considered that they'd have issues. My Grandpa's side passed away earlier in their 60s and 70s. My Grandma will be 90 this year. Her father suffered from dementia and she put him in a care facility. But to her and her friends...a care facility is worse than death! We tried to accommodate as much as we could along with home care taking care of things. She moved from her home on the farm to a senior's apartment of HER choice. Never happy. She was having difficulties then and we were trying to get her to see the benefits of moving into a mid care-care facility where she had independence yet had people checking on her 24 hours a day for her safety. At the same facility she could be moved to further on when she became worse and it was still the same place so it wouldn't be a difficult change for her. She suffers from TIAs and has terrible rheumatoid arthritis. At times she couldn't get into her apartment with her hands! "The aunt" changed Grandma's mind and moved her into a lodge, better but still no 24 care. The aunt lives 5 hours away.
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She fell a few times and we were taking turns staying with her. Finally the doctor called it and said she couldn't live on her own so she had to move into a care facility. She hasn't been happy at any of the places. She doesn't want anyone to change her previous house or yard or "her" stuff. (Her son owned it way before she left) Like oh my goodness!

Hubby's family have a much better mindset. The older folk initiate and facilitate the change, they have a positive outlook and make their own decisions about moving before care needs become critical. They take it in stride and decide they're going to make the best of it and be happy...and they are.

I've already told our son, when we move if he is taking over here...it's his to do as he and his wife wishes. They won't do things like we did...and I'm ok with that. I plan to move into a facility before we need to. I don't care about making money to take trips or such now...my goal is to (hopefully) have the money to live the end of my (our) lives comfortably. And NOT be a burden to our kid or his kids.

I don't think you're weird at all.
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I have an uncle and his family and my bro and sis to keep in touch with. I don't keep in touch with the rest of the family...and I don't want to. Not close with them. Your Mom sounds like my Grandmother. I can't deal with the passive aggressive behavior either. Ugh.

I always say friends are the family we choose for ourselves. Except for my close three relatives ...I'd MUCH rather spend time with friends. Life's too short not to be happy.
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