The Old Folks Home

[7 Biddies]

Yeah, it's a shame, why do people feel the need to be petty and spitful...don't get it. I am so glad hubby is aware of it and doesn't fall for the manipulations. She had quite a bit of interference in her other sons life. one time she started gossip about them and i just said, well look, they had six kids, and stayed together, that tells me all I need to know. Anything else they can tell me themselves. I know gossip can be fun, but it kills three so...I just wish I understood better. Maybe I don't need to understand just avoid it whenever I can!

Usually, it's because of insecurity, but sometimes it's due to narcissism, most of the time, both. Bottom line is that it all goes back to how they've chosen to react to their own childhoods and upbringing, which you can't do anything about. So, you're right. Just keep doing what you're doing and avoid it when you can.

 

[Achickenwrangler#1]

Insecurity sounds about right. She told me she was going to write a letter telling the grandkids all she had done for them though the years. Why? So they would know all the money she'd given. I said it was a terrible idea and makes it sound like the father, her son, wasn't capable of providing for them and did she want them to remember him that way? (He had a heartattack a couple of years ago) besides, a gift isn't a gift if there are strings attached, that includes gratitude,recognition,even thank you. If it didn't make you happy that you could help at the time, that should be enough. Besides, they will just resent you for reaching out from the grave trying to make them grateful for all you've done. (I don't think she likes me much) ha ha. Oh well.

 

[Wisher1000]

Wisher, I was thinking about you today -- haven't seen you on here in a while.

Yeah, I have had my plate full. The new puppy came down with kennel cough and then Parvo. The vet gave her a 50/50 chance. I have been off work taking care of her at home to temper the cost. Subcue fluids and shots around the clock and not much sleep for me. If she dies, I have to be able to tell my boy that I did all I could.

 

[Stumpy]

Another beautiful day and we're without internet and no one ran into the dish this time. I brought my laptop to a restaurant with WIFI to be able to catch up.

Cynthia, I hope you enjoy the recipe.

 

[Arielle]

Insecurity sounds about right. She told me she was going to write a letter telling the grandkids all she had done for them though the years. Why? So they would know all the money she'd given. I said it was a terrible idea and makes it sound like the father, her son, wasn't capable of providing for them and did she want them to remember him that way? (He had a heartattack a couple of years ago) besides, a gift isn't a gift if there are strings attached, that includes gratitude,recognition,even thank you. If it didn't make you happy that you could help at the time, that should be enough. Besides, they will just resent you for reaching out from the grave trying to make them grateful for all you've done. (I don't think she likes me much) ha ha. Oh well.

A gift is a gift--no strings.

Maybe she is afraid they will forget her--perhaps she can provide a tangible memory to represent her when she is gone. Or you can help the kids create a memory book about grandma. Do the kids see what Grandma does?

I generally like my MIL; she is a nicer person than my own mother. SHe keeps secrets; my mother happily spreads them to everyone. So all my married years MIL and I have talked on the phone far more often than my mother and I.

 

[Arielle]

Another beautiful day and we're without internet and no one ran into the dish this time. I brought my laptop to a restaurant with WIFI to be able to catch up.

Cynthia, I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Isn't it amazing how much we enjoy our forum friends. WHen I am without service ( PC getting fixed) I really miss everyone , too.

 

[Arielle]

Quote: Geeze!!! Your plate IS full. Sending prayers for you and the puppy.

 

[7 Biddies]

Insecurity sounds about right.

Maybe she is afraid they will forget her--perhaps she can provide a tangible memory to represent her when she is gone. Or you can help the kids create a memory book about grandma. Do the kids see what Grandma does?

Sounds like a large bit of narcissism in there too, along with the insecurity. She wants to be remembered for money/gifts, when what people really remember is the ways you gave of yourself. My mother was the same way: she actually told me once that she wanted to give my kids their *big* Christmas gift (which I had already bought and she wanted to purchase from me) because she wanted them to love her the most (she definitely suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder). In the meantime, their other grandma did things *with* them ... gave of herself. Guess who their favorite was and who they now remember with the most affection?

 

[RHRanch]

I doubt it's that simple... this story (like most stories) probably has a lot more to it, and I would bet that if the grandma told it, she would tell it differently. Maybe she just feels underappreciated or used.

 

[Achickenwrangler#1]

Well, I appreciate being able to hash it out, you can choose your friends, not family. I guess yeah, she wants to feel important, who doesn't? I do...but sometimes you gotta suck it up. The grandkids on that side really don't want much to do with her. One does but everybody lives too far apart...I guess when you come between a husband and wife the kids notice that mom ain't happy when grandma visits. My husband and i talk about it, and i usually get another story about things she did when he was a kid...playing favorites and all. Maybe that's why he treated his own kids so much better.
Thankfully I don't have to deal with it often. I guess I'll get the chance to see what kind of grandma I'll be when his kids move here with three kids...so far its been fine, they all spend most of the day with me when they visit, we can usually think up stuff to do. (And I can hide if i need to ) I know one wants to learn how to cook, since mom doesn't really, she'll get some lessons. I am looking forward to having them around, gotta get some horses too. And a job to get away from it all! Just kidding. I'm not above bribery to get certain chores done.