Things you wish you could say

[BigBlueHen53]

I have tried it multiple times and really tried to find it helpful, but ultimately haven't, even though I've seen at least 9 different therapists over a pretty long time.

I feel like it's somewhat more complicated than that, but somewhat similar I guess. Civilization as it is now certainly does not seem designed in the best interests of humans, and frameworks like the "typical" life plan (go to school for however many years, then maintain a full-time, long-term job) seem to be emergent from the pursuit of optimization/efficiency as humanity's principal goal. I think the sort of "goal ratchet" effect that humanity exhibits may be a fundamental flaw/evil of human+ level intelligence. As I've gotten older, I feel like I've given up more on the idea of adapting into any sort of normal career path. I cannot see myself ever realistically functioning well enough to maintain a full-time job, for example, and if I somehow could, I feel like it'd make it impossible for me to have decent quality of life. But I still feel deeply hurt and bitter over totally missing out on meaningful experiences that I wish I could have, especially while getting older and deteriorating physically in at least some ways. Doing interesting/fulfilling work or having a relationship seems totally unrealistic and unimaginable now, or even maintaining a daily life that doesn't feel bad. I definitely wish I could be a different person, but I cannot.

Carp, my dad found the llve of his life at age 78. At the same age Grandma Moses began a career as a painter. Many incredible careers began in people's 50's and 60's. Age is just a number. Life is what you make of it.

 

[sourland]

Just pull it out of your head for a bit and OH WAIT I DERAILED THIS THREA.

 

[CombNWattles]

The problem is rarely that you ’just need to try harder’ or ‘just have to do it’. Those are easy answers that only serve to relieve the onlooker’s desire to do something about the situation.

Still less likely is the problem that you are unaware of the basic facts and visible effects of the situation. It is unhelpful to hear the situation reiterated by onlookers as though you are unaware of it.

In reality, the causes of the blocks to resolution are usually internal and subconscious. For example, a family member who often gets irritable and fussy when they don’t get their way might seem to just ‘be an annoying person’ —end of story— but really subconsciously part of them believes that if they don’t get their way it is a sign that they are being disregarded and left behind (a dangerous situation to the primitive part of the brain that is hardwired to stay with the tribe in order to survive). Thus they act out defensively.

Now, this belief is obviously untrue, but, supposing the onlooker could actually reach this level of understanding, the old tactic of just pointing out the fact still won’t fix the problem.

That family member probably learned that belief from a situation when they were a very small child. Even if they developed it as an adult, the process is subconscious. Bringing it into the conscious mind is only the first step. Next the part of that person that holds the belief must be brought into alignment with reality by having its experience listened to and having new felt experiences of safety and belonging provided.

Sound like overkill for a fussy family member? Assuming that we can move past the idea that they are ‘just like that’ for no reason, being born on this earth as a crotchety, complaining baby already fussing about their seat at the movies, then no. No it isn’t.

Are you sure you’re ready to ’fix the problem’?

*gets off psychology soapbox and retreats underneath it*

 

[500Chickens]

Sometimes, when I see some dumb thread like "How can i keep peacocks in a college dorm?", I just want to tag everyone. 'Come brethren, come heckle this fool softly.'

 

[SunriseChickers]

Leave me alone, thinking about and/or caring about those things isn't my job, and I am in fact biologically not wired for it, and it's destructive to the peace of... Actually, pretty much EVERYONE'S lives. I don't need to care. I don't need to even speculate. I'm not trying to do anything about the situation, so having an angry opinion will result in NOTHING but making my life miserable, and inevitably that of those around me who also don't need to care.

Things my husband and I were spitting at on my behalf.

 

[BoundlessLove]

I wish I could say the logs for firewood are all cut and split and stacked.

Worked on it Saturday. Probably three Saturdays of more work ahead.

 

[sourland]

For once I did not come down with a cold after an airplane flight.

 

[MROO]

"How can i keep peacocks in a college dorm?"

I want see your response to this one.

 

[tlcmurphy]

I want see your response to this one.

It’s easy. If anyone comes in you just tell them you’re watching NBC and have a really top notch TV…

 

[nuthatched]

I want see your response to this one.

Probably some thinly veiled snark about the average intelligence and general self centered pov of your average college student.
Of course they'd fuss about it being an EmOtiOnaL SuPPorT ANimAl, or some rot like that.