Our DS was 12 when he would sneak a drink (he had it bought for him, as we never kept it in the house) before he went to school and we never had a clue until he was 16 and got a DUI three mos. after he got his license. He is now 33, and I think will always have an issue with alcohol, but works, goes to school, and is a contributing human being to this world. His cousin who was older helped, his friends sneaked it from their house, and of course, there is the guys who would buy it for them at the liquor store with no cares whatsoever about what they were doing. This happened 20 years ago, and I still seethe with rage when I think about those grown men doing that for the kids in this area.
We ate supper with our kids every night, we went to every school function they were in, church, PTO, and outside school activities, and they still managed to get into various types of trouble. Being a "good" family is no guarantee that things are going to be ok. Or easy, or happy. We had 5 teens at the same time, and I would never want to go back to that era for nothing. Toddlers yes, teens NO!
Talk to your daughter; gently let her know the "jig" is up; you know. I can't help but think there are some other kids involved in this and she is not only partaking, but giving it out. One thing I learned from my experiences with your kids friends is this. I don't care how cute they are, how funny, they are, or how many times they compliment you or your cookies or your meatloaf, they will be true to your child until the death. Are you good enough friends with the mother of her best friend to sort of casually inquire about how her daughter has been lately?
I have 4 granddaughters now, and I see the stress and disharmony that everyday life hands out to them. School expects so much of them, My Space, Facebook, and cell phones, Ipods, MP3 players, fashion magazines . . .its endless the stress and wants that are put upon them. Little girls having sex when they are 11, whether we want to admit it or not. Kids having sex in our homes because mom and dad both have t work and aren't home for a couple of hours after school lets out . . .its endless and terrifying.
And God help the child that doesn't have these things; as their friends can be cruel and relentless in their distain. My 15 yr. old granddaughter just got her first cell phone, and all she can do is text, and she earns her own money to buy the card for it every month, so needless to say she is very appreciative of it, and values it immensely. . .I don't believe in kids having cell phones before that age to be honest; carpal tunnel is rampant, can't imagine why with all that texting, video games and computer keyboards . . .no wonder kids are stressed.
Good luck with your little darling daughter. I cannot tell you how sad it makes me to see her losing her childhood because of this, IF it is what you think. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time!!!