This is supposed to get better, right?

[Xodrana]

Best thing I ever did was to divorce the creep in 1966 and never remarried. The freedom to do what I want when I want and how I want is priceless. That works for me but I would never tell any one else that they should do the same. We all have to find our own way to the path that works for us. I'm sure you will find your own path one day. Hugs and good wishes to you.

 

[mylittlechickpea]

I know that he has a been a bit frustrated at work lately. He usually has duty, meaning he has to stay the night on the sub and doesn't get to come home, every three days, but this week he had it Sat and then Mon, and I think maybe Wed... So I know he's not happy about that, but I try to make the best of things when he's home. And in a good mood of course too.

When we were having our trouble in New York I did tell him that if that was the way it was going to be the whole time I would take my next paycheck and drive back home. Home being Reno, NV. 3,000 miles away, four days drive, and about $400 in gas... We talked about it, and he changed his attitude pretty quickly, I could tell when he had a bad day at work, but he didn't take it out on me anymore.

So As far as his good mood this weekend, I'm hoping things at work are going well. I do know that he goes in and gets yelled at everyday for the littlest things, and that's how he's used to being to talked to and there is nothing he can do about it. I'm hoping he may have talked with some of the other guys and figured something out. He didn't acknowledge much of my letter but I know that he did read it. So maybe that was part of it.

Anyway it goes, he's being nice now, and I will take it, and I will return what he gives me. I do not want him to become bitter, and hold yesterdays mis-haps against him today. Yesterday is past and what is happening now is what I have to work with. When I truely am in the wrong I apologize for it, but I will not apologize for something I didn't do or couldn't help. And that was in the letter.

I know there are two sides to each story, and this is my side, he's got his. I think his usually gets blown out of proportion though.. Although I'm sure he thinks I over-exaggerate about my side too

But when we're doing good, we do great. So I hope we can keep it up, and get the help to keep it like this for a while.

Thanks for all the kind words, and well wishes and I'll keep you updated on how we're doing

My chicken is doing great

She is ten weeks old

And we will soon have a rabbit as soon as I finish sanding and painting the hutch and get some new wire to put in the bottom and make a new door with

 

[mylittlechickpea]

He's so pretty when he smiles

 

[debilorrah]

What I wanna know is - what the heck do you love about this guy?? He sounds like a complete and total bonehead.

 

[mylittlechickpea]

Touche` Deb

He's not always this lame, however I am not always on this side of table. We like to switch it up every once in a while and I'll do something that totally and completely breaks his heart for the moment. I don't do it on purpose, and I know that he doesn't always act like this on purpose. I once asked him why he comes home and talks to me the way he does. It wasn't so bad at that point, well, it's never a good thing to talk down to your partner, but it was something small that he blew up. And he said he didn't really realize he was doing it. That's the way they talk to him at work and so he comes home and forgets to turn that off. He had made an effort to knock it off after I told him, but that was a while ago...

When we're in our groove we're good. But we're not amazing communicators.. We try. And he likes garage sales and thrift stores


There's a lot of good things I love about him, and he was a lot happier before he joined the navy... But there's nothing he can do about that now, and we have to learn how to come back together when he comes back his underways... As mom'sfolly said, I am not in his chain of command. He needs to realize that sooner when he comes home..

 

[debilorrah]

It sounds to my like that man needs to learn how to operate under RESPECT and not total disregard for your feelings. If Ken had told some other woman stuff like your husband did, he would be outta here. I cannot tolerate disrespect like that, and that is EXACTLY what it is.

 

[mylittlechickpea]

This is true. I don't want to stick up for in the case of that kind of dis-respect, I know this girl too, and she's not "just some other woman" They have been good friends for a long time. But, she is not his wife, has never been married, and her girlfriend is lame. It did really hurt me the way he had worded it, and how he's not talking to me about it. The whole email was a rant. He'd asked me when the last time I smoked was, which honestly shouldn't be his business except to care about my health and well being... I'm not going to lie about it, I said like 8 hours or whatever it was.. And so that went into his email, as well as everything else. Honesly I'd rather scream it out with him than to have him over exaggerate the truth to his friend, as i stated earlier he's being nice to me now. But I am now wondering what is going on in his inbox that I'm not hearing and he is still thinking. And that hurts, I'm not feeling the sting so much as I was when I first read it, but it does create dis-trust. I don't want to play the "what if I had done this" game in my head, but it may have been spurred by some complaints I'd voiced about a "friend" pretty much telling me I was too fat to go to the beach with his "ripped and buff" army friends and stand-up paddle boarding is "too strenuous an activity" for someone like myself to try. I have not talked to this "friend" in a month simply because if he thinks i'm too fat and he would be embarrassed to go to the beach with me and his buddies he's too much of a douche to be my friend. Maybe he thought his friend would be sympathetic, I don't know. But I am hurt the way he just spouted it out without regard and his attitude about the whole thing. I also don't want to play the "i just want to do everything in my power to make him happy" game either, but if he's being nice i'll be nice to him, but I will bring this back up when he comes home again. It's not fair to me to just see these things and not get to put an opinion in, whether it was a rant or he really feels this way, I want to know, and I want him to talk to me about it.

She did tell him similar things about her girlfriend, so maybe he thinks this is okay... Although I'd prefer not to hear about her girlfriend at all, I don't like her, never have, and I don't trust her. I don't really care what is going on in their relationship, I think she settled with this girl, and now she's stuck. If he thinks they are having "similar issues" right now, that's bull. Again, as mom'sfolly pointed out from my original post I haven't changed too much since the start of out relationship, in terms of what he had complained about. Same habits, same weight-ish, same issues I've been dealing with since high school. smoking, weight, depression, family. This girl, really has gained a lot of weight from when we first met her, Not sure if she smoked or not, but she's a hoarder, and she's been out of work for the last two months due to an injury that workman's comp won't pick up, so new depression, an no money for rent, hubby get's extra money to pick me up from the military so i really don't think he can complain about that too much... The girlfriends family doesn't know she's gay... And that her roomie is more than her roomie... When her parents came up for x-mas they had their guy friend move in for a week and pretend to be her boyfriend... And now her family is getting ready to drive up from vegas to pick her up and take her home and leave our friend high and dry. so i really don't understand why he would they're having similar problems. I honestly don't know why hubby is having problems... But... I'll get it taken care of.. If I don't home is always a plane ticket away...

But. Yes. You do have a point with this one, and a couple others have said the same thing, about talking with the other ladies about what is clearly not their problem...

 

[debilorrah]

Honey if my hubby decided it was more important to talk to ANYONE else about our problems before talking to me, it is total, blantant disrespect.

You two need to sit down and have a very serious face to face. Talking negatively to someone about you is beyond rude. And here YOU are being rational (and making excuses for him, if you ask me) trying to figure out a way to make things work. You need to be talking to him. And he needs to be talking to you about all this.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, but I personally get so tired of people putting up with a buncha crap all in the name of "love". THIS is definition of love:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8&version=NIV

 

[mylittlechickpea]

I don't think you're being harsh. You're being truthful. And, yes, even though I claim not to be making excuses I am. He doesn't need to be ranting to anyone about these things before or even after talking to me.

Not to make him sound lamer, but he got upset with me when I told his parents we bought a jeep instead of some nice economical safe car because they'd like some grandkids..... He said I was "spreading our business all over"......... And this is exactly what he is doing with things that actually matter, not a car...

I know there is no "right time" to bring up this subject as I know it going to result in another argument, but I think asap would be good timing..

You are a smart lady. Thank you.

I can take your advice and of the passage on my wrist right now. And Git 'er done.



Be strong and courageous...

 

[debilorrah]

Talking about touchy stuff with each other, there is never a right time, except when you did it ahead of time to avoid the current situation. Next time something bothers you, don't let it go. Mention it. If it is small, job well done. If it is a big issue, sit down, talk. Arguing never benefitted anyone except Marriage & Family Therapists.