This is supposed to get better, right?

[rancher hicks]

Well I will say this about the women or friends in general. You are not a bad person if you don't like everyone and arent nice to everyone. Nor are you a bad perosn if everyone doesn't like you. Some relationships, (friendships) are poisonous and should be discontinued cuz they are deadly. Some times the poisonous ones are family members, not that that applies to the OP. I just had to throw that out there.

Your goal should be to protect you marriage from poisonous people and so should his.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

If you are clinically depressed, you need to be on the appropriate level of the appropriate meds--this will keep you level headed and better able to evaluate things and react in a controlled way. Meds won't make problems go away or disappear, but will allow you to better deal with them.

You also need to schedule fun things together, things that you both enjoy. If dh wants to run or exercise and you don't, suggest that he run while you fix dinner or before breakfast. Do your own workouts at a time or location where you are more comfortable. And tell him you already worked out, but not things like "I only did X of whatevedr exercise." Find couples to socialize with in a lighthearted manner--not heavy partying, but more along the lines of watching a movie together, or having a cookout. Talk about the future you'd each like; since you didn't do this much before marriage, do it now. Don't try to force him to say things he is unwilling to say. Keeping things bottled inside is not good, but neither is trying to force them out of someone else who is unwilling to share. Once said, something cannot be unsaid. Read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. He is acting very typically male and you are acting very typically female. You tell him a problem or issue to share (weight, job search, etc.) the sharing, all by itself helps you. He views you bringing a problem to him as "fix this for me." And then doesn't understand why you reject his answer (that you feel you ddin't ask for).

Does he know that you read the email? I am getting the impression that he does not, and while writing all of that about you was inappropriate, reading his messages was also inappropriate.

Tell him that you would like for y'all to go to whichever counseling or marriage encounter you really want. Worst case scenario, he will refuse to; best case, he will agree that it is a good idea. Even if he won't go, YOU go.

 

[PoultryPedia]

Reading your posts, I hafta think: You sweetheart--Though you are going thru struggles, you are doing so much that's right!

You're trying to be caring, accountable, fair-minded, and so much more!

It's hard to make sense of everything and figure how to balance various considerations and values. It's extra hard if your background doesn't give you a lot of demonstrations of sane choices from others who've been significant in your world.

But you are honestly going through the very mature process of self-evaluation, seeking understanding of issues, and taking actions.

Good for you!

 

[mylittlechickpea]

Thanks Ladies.


Sonoran, he doesn't know I ready them, he may have suspicions that I did. He has five other email accounts that he could have used, but he used this one, and left the page up... So while I am still a bit upset that he wrote those things, I should not have read them. And I know this. And I do see a good example of your Venus/Mars in my head. When they were up in Alaska I had told him that I had been going to the gym quite regularly (at the time I was) but I wasn't seeing a whole lot of result. My weight was the same for three weeks, although according to the measuring tape two inches were gone, hmmm

Well I told him this, I didn't want to have visions of me eating tube after tube of cookie dough, and he suggested in his man way that I get a personal tranier. Hmph, not the answer I was looking for, I was looking for more of a "It's okay, babe. As long as you feel good about what you're doing keep doing it" Not a personal trainer...

Rancher, as far as the "friend"..

Well, if he is able to get things out to her without yelling at me every night, I'll take it right now. I'll find some better words to talk to him about it rather than telling him what a hussy I think she is. I did talk to her earlier this week just for the sake of putting my side into the story of whatever he is saying. So that if she does try to offer any kind of advice she's both sides playing in her ears, not just agree with everything he says about how horrible he thinks I am being right now. Even though I ams till incredibly hurt by the decisions that she has made previously I can be somewhat supportive in my way of what she going through right now, as she is doing the same for us. Her situation is a bit more tangled than ours, she is visiting family in the okie right now, and wondering if her ladie friend's parents are driving up from vegas to come get her and take her home without choice... Long story on that one, we still don't have all the facts of it, but even though she's still a hussy in my eyes, she needs support from friends...

Speckled, thank you. Just thank you. I don't have much to add on that one. I do try, I fail a lot, my eyes, my husbands eyes, and in God's eyes. I need to get back in tune with my relation with God, and I'm sure that will also help out a whole bunch.


So, for now. I'll quit pestering and trying to beat things out of him that he is either unable or unwilling to share with me right now. I will help him put together his packet for the officers program, I'll keep selling my lettuce, and try to be a better friend to my husband. I know if I do these things he will come around. As he has in the past. I don't need to know everything right this very second, when he chooses to share things with me will be his choice, although if it doesn't come soon I'll get the hammer to beat it out of him.. Kidding. We missed out on kayaking a couple weekends ago due to rain, I'll suggest it for this Saturday as he has the day off, or garage sales. We woke up too late for all the good garage last weekend. I'm making him a birthday brownie cake to take down to the pier tomorrow. His birthday was May, but they were out to sea at the time.. If you don't hear from me soon, he may have beat me to the hammer. Kidding, again.

Thank you all for the wealth of information. We'll get the hang of it. If his friend starts up with her antics I now have this nice new attack chicken that likes eyeballs

Thanks for helping me get through the week, and next week will be better, and he will learn that he can't disrespect me anymore, although lately it's been my attitude

I'll let my Chickpea get his eye again, if he does start back up..

 

[PoultryPedia]

LOL LOL LOL

They say a sense of humor is worth a lot. You're wealthy