This was wrong of me, wasn't it?

[mhwc56]

HUGS and PRAYERS and PEACE to ALL of you through this situation.

 

[KDailey]

I don't think you're wrong at all. Sounds to me like she needs some mental help if you ask me. Leaving your husband and children, aborting your husbands child but keeping the child of someone she doesn't even know all that well.... ya she needs help.

Are you guys even divorced or did she just leave? If y'all aren't even divorced (yet) then that makes it even worse in my book.

And for a three year old to be glad that his mother is gone should tell you something as well....

My nephew (just turned 4) was with his mom (my fiance's sister) at her boyfriends house (who we all dispise!) and when they came home Ashley told me that they were sitting on the couch and the boyfriend (Ryan) went outside for something and my nephew jumped up and locked the door so Ryan couldn't get back in..... Both my nephew and my neice (2.5 yo) do NOT like Ryan. In my book that tells me that there's something going on that Ashley's not telling us. Whether the boyfriend is just mean or somethin else.

 

[NewToFarming]

I just wanted to say I think you are doing the right thing. To me, it seems you are the one responsible and caring for the children, providing for them and being there for them. It is way to early in the pregnancy for her to tell them. I do feel they should be told about their half sibling either later on in the pregnancy or after the baby is born. The kids will have no concept of time and if something happens, it would be another heartbreak for the children.
If the mother actually does become a part of your childrens life then you will need to accept this child as their sibling. It does not sound like the mother will to me though. It sounds like she cannot deal with commitment and responsibility and will probably abandon this child as well when she tires of it, which is very sad because it is the children hurting in the end, no one else.
Please protect your children with what you believe is right for them. My ex husband was kind of the same. He would say he was coming to get them, the boys would be packed and waiting by the door and he would never show. That was so hard on the boys. No matter my feelings for him I did encourage their father to be with them because they did love him but it got to the point I had to do what was best for them. If he would call to say he wanted to see them, I wouldn't discourage it but I never told the boys he was coming so they would not be hurt again if he didn't show. Eventually, he forgot about them and they have not heard from him since they were 12 and the oldest is now 28. He never paid support and I never got the $100 yet he said he mailed in 1992. LOL My current husband of 20 years was their dad. He has been in their life since they were 2 and 3 and they consider him their dad.
We have a blended family of his, mine and ours and all those kids call each other brother and sister. All 7 of them! LOL I would not discourage that if there is a new baby coming.
I guess I wanted to say, I think you are right in what you did and to protect your kids from emotional and physical harm by all means that you can! Encourage a relationship with their mother but if it is going to hurt them more than help them, protect them from her. It seems you are their only means of stability and love in their life. I commend you for sticking by them and doing what you feel is best!
Good Luck and hang in there. Things will get better!

 

[punk-a-doodle]

So this is where I became angry because, I am, how it's said, old school, and do not believe in claiming half-relations, because I have none, my sister and I are full blood.

This is where I think you are wrong, not in waiting until the right time to explain a difficult situation to your children.

I will run by some scenarios.
-If your sister marries, would the husband be seen as "an other"/non family member at family reunions because he is not related by blood?
-If your sister/a relative adopted, would you treat them as less than full blood?
-If you found out one of your children was fathered by another man, would they cease to be your family and relatives?
If so, that is not being old fashioned to me. That is being closed and withholding.

I came from a family where I was told things like, "women aren't able to continue on the family because they don't carry on the last name". Let's just say my remark as a kid of, "technically, they can choose to keep their last name" was met with extreme disdain. At a family reunion, a relative told my husband's mix race wife to not stand in the family photo because she is "not actually a member of the family". She called that being old-fashioned, I called it being callous and prejudiced.

So basically, I would focus on this just being an issue where you no longer view your wife (ex-wife?) as someone you want in your life and that her new family is her business, rather than looking at it as a "full blood" issue. I think that will be much healthier for all.​

 

[GibblyGiblets]

Hello all and good day

I've been seeing alot of "are you divorced yet" currently the answer to that is, unfortunately, no.

In my area you have to wait 12 months to the date of the spouse actually leaving the house-hold before you can file for a divorce, stupid I know, I do not agree with it at all.


thank you for all the kind words, they helped me feel a lot better



tá tú ag daoine maithe

 

[rancher hicks]

Quote:
This is why I said this,

Of course I'm assuming you were not a part of the problem that precipitated this situation, based on the part of her living with her boyfriend. This is why I always recommend counseling. You both need to figure out where things went wrong and avoid making the same mistake a second time.


I'm to old to not know there are two sides to every story. Counseling will bring this out and I'm more concerned for the kids than the adults.


Hope the OP gets help, if he loves the kids he will for their sake.

Rancher

 

[punk-a-doodle]

In my area you have to wait 12 months to the date of the spouse actually leaving the house-hold before you can file for a divorce, stupid I know, I do not agree with it at all.

Frustrating, but I'm glad custody was able to be solved without it!​

 

[newfoundland]

No you are not wrong. Your only concern must be for your children and yourself. Ignore anyone who disagrees.

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
X 2!