trying really hard to get over this, but

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

I am still hurt and I know it's silly and stupid.

Ok here goes.

Today was my younger sisters baby shower. It was at a nice restaurant.
A breakfast buffet was served. A huge table was set up just covered with gifts for the coming baby. Table decorations of cute little rubber duckies floated in shallow glass bowls. a cake from one of the REALLY nice and not cheap bakeries sat on another table. Next to the cake were candy bars wrapped in custom wrappers.
Over 50 people were invited and had rsvp'd. but the weather did not cooperate. it took me over 3 hours to get there and that was ALL highway travel! Normally only a hour and half drive. anyway.
Here is where I turn into a grump.

When I was pregnant with the first grandchild 6 years ago I got finger sandwiches from the local grocery store. In moms living room. No baby themed centerpieces at a nice restaurant.
No cake. No cute, little, custom wrapper, baby shower favors. I didnt get to have a say in whom to invite. So it was my older aunts, my moms friends and my MIL. None of my friends. No neighbors. No co workers.
I got diapers. Which were GREAT. But that is ALL I got. No cute baby clothes. Nothing from our baby gift registry. And we didnt have crazy expensive stuff on it! Not like my sister with FOUR freaking top of the line STROLLERS!
What does "baby Susie" get for her coming baby? clothes, top of the line baby whirlpool tub(CRAZY!) And then I find out that mom bought her a stroller! On top of paying for the entire shindig. None of the strollers on her list were under $250!
We paid for everything on our own!

I mean I know that my sister is moms favorite. she always has been. In fact SHE is another reason why I have an only and didnt want to try for a second child. I saw that my mom always treated her better and I swore that I would never play favorites with my own kids. so to stop that from happening I have an only. Sis always got to go on trips that mom paid for. skiing, Disney, Aruba, mom paid her rent and car payment and insurance through college and then beyond!

But I also know that once "Baby Susies" baby arrives that my daughter is going to be pushed to the side. I know that my mom wont do intentionally. But it will happen because the newest family addition is baby Susies baby.

I know this sounds petty. But I am just so hurt that this has happened.
Oh and today. My daughter was relegated to trash duty for the present opening part of the event. "Oh Sarah, can you take this wrapping paper and throw it away for Auntie sue?" So she got to stand there and run back and forth. And be told to move out of the way for pictures to be taken of my sister opening her gifts. Nice.
It was all I could do to NOT go to the bar and ask for a cape coder(cranberry juice and vodka) In fact if I hadnt had to drive all the way home in the crap weather I probably would have.
One thing thats good from this is I now know why my dad would invite me to hang out and read the paper etc in another room when there was a "Susie baby" event going on. And EVERY thing was a Susie Baby event.

ok... gripe done..But I am still hurt and not sure if I can talk with my mom without being obviously hurt any time soon.

 

[redhen]

 

[key west chick]

I can relate. My daughter is not biologically my DH's. He did adopt her after we had been married for a year. She was 5. My in-laws thought she was great, thought DH was great for adopting her and so on. Well after a year goes by, I get preggy. Have their first real grandchild, a grandson at that. My daughter became invisible. They never forget his birthday, lavish him with gifts and talk non stop about how wonderful he is. My daughter has been forgotten at school by MIL, her birthday forgotten, many years in a row, and never got a graduation gift from them. She resents them and I don't blame her.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
I am afraid of that happening to my daughter. For the last 6 years she has been the only grandchild. But sadly she was born to the second favorite daughter. I am hoping that they dont cancel Feb vacation so that she can get at least a few days with grandma before "Susie Baby" baby arrives.
And she really loves spending time with my mom. Which is going to make this harder on the kid.
I wish that I could say that this wont happen... but I know my mom better than that. And todays grand event just nailed it down

 

[Keisha]

I'm sorry and I can relate with that one.

I also don't think its silly, because it hurts. I've always been pushed onto the back burner for my three sisters. I've also been forgotten many times by my parents. But I'd like to think this makes a person stronger.

 

[klf73]

I am the baby. I did get a shower for my first, at my sisters house, only a couple of people. My sil on the other hand was pregnant with her 4th when I said to my mother she should have another because all her stuff is probably worn out(I was on the other coast, dh was in the army). So my mother called her best friend and got a shower together, at a hall, etc. I had my 6th just over a year ago. I made a passing comment to my mother about how I never got a second shower. She said "what do you want me to say, get better friends".

Now I will tell you I don't have a lot of friends only because we moved so frequently, but I wouldn't have minded a little family get together.
It stinks. Maybe you should throw yourself a nice b-day party

 

[Litewings]

Maybe having a baby shower is kinda like building a chicken coop....... You don't know what you want to do until after you've built your first one!

Litewings

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
Maybe for my 40th I will. But my sister has mentioned that they want a second child rather soon. So I am sure that if I go all out for my 40th that she will announce during the party that she is preggers with the second one. And the shower planning for the second will start right then and there.

I dont know why it still hurts after all these years. Shouldnt I just be used to it by now?? Ya know.. tougher skin and all that??

 

[moduckman]

I am the middle child. My mom says that I am the "stable" one. My older brother has one kid from a first marriage that my mom helped raise, she now has two kids. My brother has two younger kid. A sister is divorsed with one kid, who is out of college now. All those get gifts, dinners and attention. My two boys rarely get birthdays remembered. I think it has more to do with me having a good job and marriage. My parents do not worry about me or my kids. They worry about the others. I'm not always happy about it, but if I sit back and think, all I need is my immediate family to feel good. I don't really need anything from my parents becasue I can get what I want.

 

[WriterofWords]

Print your letter and show it to your mom. Tell her how you feel. I have something going on here with my mom and dad right now that has me so stressed I can't see straight. Tell her you don't want to dimish your sister's happiness, but you are worried about the future happiness of your daughter. Until you get it off your chest with your family, you are the one who will suffer and wonder why it is the way it is.