So, me ad my mom have been 'butting heads' since I was like, 10! Ya ya ' It the puberty ' well those people shut up. No its not, as far as I know.For example, I LOOOOOVE sugar, and my mom, instead of say ' you cannot have that' and take it away, she just sits there and sighs "Oh, you've already gone over your sugar limit but who cares" and shes been doing stff like that. Sure. maybe i got a weee bit...err.... moody, and so suddenly she gave up on me ! Which really...makes me mad, cause, well heres the story.
My mom was on a diet, and needed me and my sisters help to keep her on track. We did for a while, but the i got a little moody one day, and said "I dont care what you eat eat whatever" so she said "Your giving up on me?" and i replied "Sure whatever" !!! Okay, ya harsh. But she started to CRY, ( i find crying..... wel i hate crying. I will explain more later) so i apologized and said i would help again... But they way she acts, she might as well say shes given up on me!!! I love BYC, but she always says " Oh shes with her online friends who she likes more then us" in a sighing voice. I'll admit it, I DO like you guys more then most people. Not more then my mom & sis, but more then anyone. I have never told her how thereputic this has been, honestly, i haven't had my .... Well, big step for me.... Suicidal thoughts ever since I joined (hardest line i have EVER written) But lately we have butted heads soo much they have returned. I'm tearing up as I type. You see, instead of most people who let out their emotions, i suck it all in. The insults, all of it. So i don't cry except like once a month in the dead of night into my dogs fur. Or I'll lash out in anger (my moods). And NO ONE has ever known this until now. To be honest, tho i seem thick skinned, I'm actually pretty thin skinned. I just want someone who actually cares, anyone, to say a thing. Even if its hugs, if you have advice, lay it on me! Anything is better then thinking over and over again what would happen when I dug this knife into my throat..... Or run away. Anyone here can guess why i dont run away? Because of Jenna. Jenna is my Best friend, and I love her so much. In a friend way, but honestly I cannot describe to her even how much I could not survie without her. If she wasn't here, ya I would be gone. I would run off into the forest, hoping I was never seen again. I'm pathetic, I don't stay for my mom, or sister, or even my DAD! I stay for my best friend.... Although it seems like I'm letting it out, some of its still bottled. But I guess I can't describe the pain....
Any other suicidal thought people? How do you cope?
I may end up editing this, and deleting this post... But who knows.... (might edit out the suicidal parts, and if i do, please do so to your posts)
My mom was on a diet, and needed me and my sisters help to keep her on track. We did for a while, but the i got a little moody one day, and said "I dont care what you eat eat whatever" so she said "Your giving up on me?" and i replied "Sure whatever" !!! Okay, ya harsh. But she started to CRY, ( i find crying..... wel i hate crying. I will explain more later) so i apologized and said i would help again... But they way she acts, she might as well say shes given up on me!!! I love BYC, but she always says " Oh shes with her online friends who she likes more then us" in a sighing voice. I'll admit it, I DO like you guys more then most people. Not more then my mom & sis, but more then anyone. I have never told her how thereputic this has been, honestly, i haven't had my .... Well, big step for me.... Suicidal thoughts ever since I joined (hardest line i have EVER written) But lately we have butted heads soo much they have returned. I'm tearing up as I type. You see, instead of most people who let out their emotions, i suck it all in. The insults, all of it. So i don't cry except like once a month in the dead of night into my dogs fur. Or I'll lash out in anger (my moods). And NO ONE has ever known this until now. To be honest, tho i seem thick skinned, I'm actually pretty thin skinned. I just want someone who actually cares, anyone, to say a thing. Even if its hugs, if you have advice, lay it on me! Anything is better then thinking over and over again what would happen when I dug this knife into my throat..... Or run away. Anyone here can guess why i dont run away? Because of Jenna. Jenna is my Best friend, and I love her so much. In a friend way, but honestly I cannot describe to her even how much I could not survie without her. If she wasn't here, ya I would be gone. I would run off into the forest, hoping I was never seen again. I'm pathetic, I don't stay for my mom, or sister, or even my DAD! I stay for my best friend.... Although it seems like I'm letting it out, some of its still bottled. But I guess I can't describe the pain....
Any other suicidal thought people? How do you cope?
I may end up editing this, and deleting this post... But who knows.... (might edit out the suicidal parts, and if i do, please do so to your posts)
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