VENT:Secret Santa Gifting-Yuck!

[twentynine]

Quote:
My thoughts concerning a response to op would not have been nearly as tactful.

 

[dainerra]

in all my years (since being a kid and becoming a parent) there has never been an "opt in" for Secret Santa gifting. Either the whole group does it or no one does it. The only guidelines are usually "don't spend more than $X"

Too many times I've seen kids who say "Oh I don't want XXXX to get my name. They're poor and give crappy gifts" Whether it is because the parents are poor or because the parents are lazy, that is still no reason to make the student feel bad because you don't like their present.

Even if they can't afford it, no one wants to single out their kid as the only one in class who didn't bring (and therefore doesn't get) a present. Even if the parents kept the child home that day, everyone would know that there was no gift from and for little Billy.

 

[Mattemma]

Well today my dd got 4 pieces of old candy.Probably left overs from halloween.The one little box clued me in with its worn away edges and tear. My ds got some actual christmas candy. Is it really that hard to go out and buy a few bags of holiday candy? I bought some and add some with every gift. It is not a money issue.Most of the families in this private school are well off,so I doubt a few bags of candy and a few dollar gifts are a hardship.

I spoke with the teacher and showed her the items telling her I felt that crumpled note and old candy was unacceptable and hurtful. I told her my kids always consider the feelings/interests of others,and never give a gift that would show any lack of caring. The teachers excuse was that this was a learning experience,and not all the kids are good at giving gifts. Hello! That is where parents and teachers come in to make sure kids do right. Why should my child have to be a learning experience for another? Really, does giving a nice note or a dollar item require so much practice? The kids see what everyone gets each day,so only the FIRST day could even be considered a learning experience. Me, I think my dd just got someone who does not care.

Getting junk like this is hurtful to a child. Right up there with being the only kid in class with 1 or 2 valentines cards.Remember the days when you gave cards only to those you want too? Some had many and some had none.

So I guess my dd has to tolerate 3 more days of junk that someone just finds on their bedroom floor.She is glad I said something to the teacher,but it won't make a difference in having to endure the thoughtlessness of her gift giver. I feel sad for her having to open her *gift* everyday at school,and seeing everyone happy with theirs.No one has gotten a gift or note like the ones my daughter has gotten. Can't wait till it is over,but then comes secret valentines gifts-another 5 days of giving and recieving gifts. Yuck.

I wish they would stop with the gift giving and just have a party.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

When I was growing up, I was often the *only* kid with no Valentine's Day cards. XD Moving around from school to school and bieng shy (so shy that my first rade teacher thought I was genuinely mute) was hard in that respect. It just made me thankful when I was able to establish close friendships, and to value them greatly. Again, it is a good time to have a talk with your daughter about perspective! She will get through this just fine as she has a supportive home life.

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Secret Santa is about coming up with gifts an giving, along with using the gifts you get to track back to who your Secret Santa is.

When you start thinking about the worth of what you are getting instead of who it could have come from you have lost the point of the game....


The gifts are supposed to be hints of who you are not how big you wallet is.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Quote:
I had a lot of thoughts cross my mind reading this thread. As always my comments are just my opinion.

So....I have read all of the posts. I feel like you are putting much to much emphasis on gifts and the effort put into them. Now this may be your forte, but gift giving isn't every persons special talent. There's a very popular personality/selfhelp/spiritual gifting course called "Love Languages". One of those ways people show love above other things is gift giving. There's nothing wrong with being that type of person. Where it becomes a negative is if you expect everyone around you to be just like you.

I can say from personal experience that if this gift exchange was done in my classroom in Elementary school I would have been one lame gift giver!!! Would I have done my best? Absolutely. But my Mother worked more than full time hours at night to keep us housed and fed which didn't leave her a lot of time for my school activities or giving me money to spend on someone not in our family. It doesn't really matter if the kid has this same excuse or not. I think that disappointment and learning to look at things from another point of view is more important than what your child recieves. It is a valuable lesson.

I personally feel the teacher was right on in what she told you. You seem to be taking your daughter's situation much too personally and stepping in where you don't belong. My opinion, again and not meant to be harsh. If it still bothers you so much next year make sure you speak to the teacher and have your daughter opt out.

 

[RaZ]

Quote:
I hate to say this, but I think you are being quite the snob. Gift giving should not have a price tag.

 

[chickmashnoon]

By putting so much emphasis on what the gift is and not the thought you are going to teach your daughter to expect too much. Just appreciate that she recieved a gift. And just because YOU can afford the private school doesn't mean everyone else can. My sister can barely afford the catholic school that she sends her children to but she pares down her budget and does without a lot of things in order to send her children to a good school because she feels doing otherwise would jepordize their future and she is willing to scrimp and pinch if it means her children will have a better future.
Perhaps the child that is your secret santa has a parent that has recently lost their job and may not have even told their parents about the gift giving because the parents have enough on their mind. when I was younger both my parents worked two jobs to pay off bills after my Dad lost his good paying job (80's crash) and they worked far harder than those around them who had declared bankruptcy. Because they DIDN'T declare bankruptcy and actually paid back what they owed they had awful credit for years. They would not have had the extra money to pick up candy or gifts, much less the time or energy. My sisters and I opted out of asking to be involved in a lot of school stuff because we knew it would pain my mother to say no. We saved her the trouble by just not mentioning it.

Use this as a learning experience for your daughter. Perhaps find out who the secret santa is and give them something special. Because Christmas is all about giving, not receiving, and show her the joy in giving. And if the Secret Santa child is not poor, maybe it will give them an idea of what a "good" gift would be.

But really any gift given in the spirit we should be taught is sufficient.

 

[fuzziebutt]

Maybe you should talk your daughter into opting out next year, since the gifts aren't good enough for you. BETTER IDEA - why don't you give the class a grab bag of worthwhile gifts, and they can give them to their secret pals?

 

[itsy]

I think some of these posts are a little insensitive to the OP. Calling her a snob or being sarcastic doesn't communicate to me someone who is being graceful about their opinion on something they're encouraging HER to be graceful about.

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