venting (miscarriage mentioned)

[JulieNKC]

I miscarried around 5 years ago, at around 6 weeks too. I never grieved over it. It was early, I had only found out I was pregnant a few weeks before the miscarraige, so I hadn't even had time to get used to the idea of being pregnant. The only time I even think about it now is when I'm being asked my preg history at the doctors. So if you don't ever grieve over it, I'm sure that's pretty normal. I also lost a baby who was 3 weeks old, and the miscarraige and losing my baby were not even comparable to me, but I do know people who have miscarried and it's affected them like losing a child.

I hope your d & c goes well, my sister just had one last week (idiot dr's who delivered her baby a few weeks ago apparently didn't notice they missed a piece of placenta and she got an infection).She was back home taking care of her kids in a few days, so hopefully you'll feel up to chasing your toddler soon.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

cassidy -- I am very sorry this happened to you!

I miscarried at 8 weeks along and didn't have a D&C. I did mourn for a couple weeks. I did think about baby on my due date, but I did not cry. I think everybody handles it differently. It may hit you one day and then you are done or it may not. I hope everything goes well for you. And, again, I am sorry!

 

[ruby]

During my producing years I had 3 miscarriages. I didn't morn either, maybe it was because I worked with a mid-wife. I know when m/c happen it's for a reason, I went on to having healthy children after a d/c. You are your own person, stay grounded and take care of your family and it will grow as you want it to....

 

[chixie]

hugs to you. everyone deals with this in there own way. there is no right or wrong way to feel about this. its ok to grieve or not greive. I am sorry about your loss.. I dont really know what to say. just that we are here for you if you ever need to just talk/ rant no matter what the subject is. again many hugs to you and your family

 

[Uniontown Poultry]

Definitely do NOT beat yourself up just because you aren't having the feelings you are "supposed" to have at this time!!! I have been down a similar road - several laparoscopic surgeries, a D&C, blood tests, hormones, removal of endometrial polyps, and a biopsy (which scared the bejeebus outta me as my mom died of endometrial cancer), oh yeah, and 2 miscarriages back-to-back! So I went through all that apparently for nothing. Plus I'll be 39 in like a month. Tick, tick tick.

But I am not sad, and I do not mourn. Apart from an occasional angry cry session here and there, I reacted to these setbacks with a ok-fine-so-what-do-we-do-now attitude. I did not mourn the loss of my empty egg sacs (like you, I thought about the chicken embryos I had dealt with & how some just don't make it to maturity). Like you, I look upon it as a failed chemistry experiment, and you just have to figure out what went wrong and try again.

So we ARE out there, the silent women who do not mourn our miscarriages but instead get a little angry about it and just keep matter-of-factly trying. I think that the stories of devastation seem may like the norm because those are the women who are speaking out publicly about their miscarriages, and the others of us tend to just keep it to ourselves (maybe because we don't feel it's worth talking about?). And it IS way worse if your pregnancy is further advanced, whereas it sounds like you and I were both under 6 weeks (I had nothing to see or hear in either of my miscarriages - just an egg sac).

I understand those fears about being abnormally calm about this (I bawled when I had to put my 21-year old cat down this spring, and am such a tender-heart that I am continually buying sick or injured or freezing birdies just b/c I can't walk away & leave them there). We have hearts full of love and feelings but there is something in us that helps us be strong, and that something says "don't get sad, get up and keep fighting." Nothing at all to be ashamed about or to doubt yourself about. It is part of your strength.

I always get spooked before a general anesthesia procedure as well, so I can understand that. There isn't much that can be said to reassure you that you probably don't know of already. Sometimes, with stuff like that, I like to think of plane crashes. We fear flying because of devastating airline crashes. If you sit at the airport for a few hours and watch planes take off & arrive, you can see that none of them crash. Then think about the planes taking off all day and all night, from every airport in the state, in the region, in the country... yet how many of them actually crash on a given day? The outcome of a crash and its devastation is so terrible that our brains are tempted to overlook just how rare the coutcome is. Knowing that your brain has a tendency to do this might make it easier for you to talk yourself out of your fears. Just a thought, and I hope it helps.

 

[sourland]

Quote:
I couldn't have put it better. Early in our marriage, my wife lost a child. For her it was devastating my greater pain was over her feelings of loss. Each of us in our own way. Nothing wrong with your reaction. You are evidently a good person and a good Mom to your daughter.

 

[Southernbelle]

Everyone reacts differently and however you feel is ok.

I've had 2 miscarriages. The first was devastating, the second one didn't phase me at all. My first miscarriage happened between my 2nd and 3rd children and I had wanted that baby soooooo badly and was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. The timing was perfect and I was happy, but then I started cramping and bleeding. I was devastated. I didn't need a D&C for either miscarriage, but the miscarriage messed up my system and I wasn't able to get pregnant again for a year and even then, I needed help from the doctor. My husband was unsupportive and generally being a jerk. That was probably the worst part, the unexpected round with infertility and the stress on my marriage.

The 2nd miscarriage happened when my 3rd child was about 2 years old. I was content with my 3 children and had not been trying to get pregnant. In fact, I didn't know I was pregnant until I started to miscarry. The first miscarriage felt like a promise broken, but this 2nd one didn't affect me at all. I did have some crying-for-no-real-reason jags because of the miscarriage messing with my hormones, but I wasn't really sad.

I ended up having a surprise 4th baby last year, so I guess I was destined for 4 children. I'm glad he waiting a few more years before making his apperance. DH is so much more involved with him and the other kids and it's just a better time in my life.

 

[runsw/scissors]

I had many, many miscarriages myself. These were with my now ex hubby I guess we were ore incompatible then I realized at the time.

Like you I didn't mourn, for me it really was no big deal, mine were all very early <8 weeks. I felt like a monster for years before accepting that for me I needed to hear a heartbeat and feel movement; THEN I began to feel attachment to my baby.

You are entitled to your feelings, whatever they are!

Hoping you feel better soon!

D&C's, having had my share, are done under light anesthesia so that really lowers the risks considerably (they were never very high to begin with. ). Anesthesia is always worrying though isn't it?

 

[herfrds]

I had a miscarriage between my 2 kids. We had been trying to get pregnant. I dealt with it fine until an EMS training course. I won't go into details, but I ended up in the kitchen hiding under the sink bawling my eyes out.

Our instructors wife found me and we talked for over an hour and I felt better.

Each person reacts differently. Just continue living your life and do not let people bother you about it.

 

[KimberlyJ]

Having never had a miscarriage I can't relate to that part of your story, but being TERRIFIED of being put under...that I can relate to! I'm always positive I'm going to be the one that just doesn't wake up. Or at the very least spend days barfing or something silly, my mind can dream up all sorts of things, like I'll wake up but not remember my name or something. Logically I know it's completely crazy but it's very real for me. My sister (the OR tech) thinks I've lost my mind, so does my DH. But man, it gives me chills just writing about it now.
I had a D&C last year and my doctor was running a bit late so the anesthesiologist chatted with me. He said he prefers working with patients that admit they are scared, it actually makes it safer for them and easier for him. Like the doctor told me, it’s completely normal to be scared since it’s not a normal state of being for you. Those that aren’t scared are the ones that just don’t admit it! So just accept that the whole idea is frightening to you, breathe deep and go thru it. Just like when you gave birth to your first child, I'm sure having the contractions and pain were scary, but you made it through it!
Afterwards, I couldn’t believe how easy the whole procedure was! I scheduled it for a four day weekend thinking I would be in bed for days, but I was actually “helping” a bit (ok, supervising) with spring yard work that afternoon. Although I didn’t need the D&C due to a miscarriage I have to tell you I felt so much better afterwards it was amazing. I’d do it again in a heart beat even knowing how scared I would still be of the anesthesia. (I even hate to have my dogs or cat put under just for dental work!)

Hang in there, be scared, but know that you will be just fine once you get thru it. You'll be in my thoughts.