The Middle School my kids go to is trying to address the growing issue of bullying.
They separated the boys and girls on Monday and had each group watch "Finding Kind" about girls bullying and then had a discussion, and all week they are having the girls pass each other notes to apologize for bullying that they have participated in. That last part, with the notes, not such a good idea.
Olivia's first note came from the ring-leader of a small group of girls who have been bullying her on the school bus and in P.E. This note was no surprise to her, and she did appreciate getting this note. The girl was a troublemaker in elementary school, and is known even more as one now, but she never bothered Olivia until the other week when she discovered that Alex is her brother. Everyone in the school knows who Alex is, and it does not help that he is 6'4" and autistic. During PE, this troublemaker and her friends shoved Olivia into each other and then yelled at her for contaminating them with cooties from Alex. Other than that, Middle School had been a positive experience. Both her self-esteem and her grades have improved, and she has made new friends among the kids who came in from other elementary schools.
Today Olivia came home all depressed. She does not like this note-passing because it is painful to realize that you have been the target of teasing from people you would never have expect it from. Today she got a note from a girl whom she had always considered trustworthy, kind, and upstanding student. The girl passed Olivia a note apologizing for calling Olivia fat and making jokes about her at luch behind her back.
Why the apology notes when the teased person was not aware of the teasing? In cases where the bullied person was not awaye of the bullying, i think it would be best just to have those girls and her involved friends discuss among themselves or with a school counselor what they have done and why it is hurtful.