Welcome to my pond - Swim, wade, or sit on the bank

[pennyJo1960]

Morning Pondites. tough choices Phil know how black the world can be

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Morning Pondites. tough choices Phil know how black the world can be

Darkness even in the sunshine

 

[pennyJo1960]

Need to step out see the light then okay toughest to do .... I am not a church goer never have been long story there but if you try to talk to minister might give you some clarity just my humble opinion

 

[Alaskan]

I just had along reply to this lost it all.Phil you have to live for you .It is hard when life just doesn't seem fair .I have that feeling every day .I wish I could give you strength.It is all I pray for for myself .I beg god everyday to change Ben so he can live a life where he can enjoy the things in life he cannot.Many a time I have thought about taking Ben and sailing out to sea and never returning .I am so worried about what his life will be without me .Ben loves life .I just push those thoughts aside an struggle on. All the while praying God will send angels to watch over him.We are your friends and are swiming in ignorance .Struggling trying to say the right thing .When really only you know what you are going through.You must learn to forgive yourself as you are forgiving Chris.Know that I know what a true burden is .I know how devastating life can be .Taking care of my son is not a burden .Even when he melts down and attacks me .God gives me strenght for that .The burden is all the saddness ,I have felt for all the things he will never be able to do.We are here ,and there are those that you can say anything to .You need to find them and unload.

I love the way you said all of that.

 

[LittleLakePhil]

I love you all.
But there's more to this than just a suicide.... she had a terrible secret..... one i have to take to the grave. I cannot stand the thoughts I'm having.
My life sucks.
Starting with my horrible abusive childhood.... clinical depressions....leukemia...wpw syndrome.....chronic pain.... severe asthma ....COPD.....a wife with a life long struggle with bi polar depression alcoholism.... addiction..... money problems because of them..... and now a needless suicide..... she dove to deepest depths of this addiction.... I'm whining i know..... but damn..... what did i do to deserve this.... now i just sit here night after night..... alone.... just thinking.
And i know people are gunna give me advice.... I'm glad too.... but understand im clinically depressed....i was busy all day.... I'm busy every..... in working a hard or harder..... I'm going and working at the shop even.... it doesn't help.
Im Clinically Depressed ..... it won't just go away today... tomorrow.... next week. One i had lasted 18 months....i just want you all to know im doing everything i can..... this isn't something that you can just shake off.... and the truth is i don't know what's going to happen. Sometimes there is no cure.... but damn it people
... I'm a tough mother fxxker and I'm trying

 

[WVduckchick]

The thing I have never gotten to hatch is if the air cell has bubbles, or is no longer a single air cell.

Hopefully if you incubate upright a few will hatch. I looked them up, they look cool.

And rolling the Brinsea is pretty easy. Just figure out a way to remind yourself to do it. Remembering is the hard part.

ive also done ok with loose air cells, but not so well with broken/loose/bubbly ones.

My turners haven’t broke , but they both sound like they will, with every turn, so I stopped using them. I do the Octagon tilt, side, upright, other side, upright, other side... I remember which side by laying something (pencil, etc) on the side I need to turn to next.

 

[room onthebroom]

I love you all.
But there's more to this than just a suicide.... she had a terrible secret..... one i have to take to the grave. I cannot stand the thoughts I'm having.
My life sucks.
Starting with my horrible abusive childhood.... clinical depressions....leukemia...wpw syndrome.....chronic pain.... severe asthma ....COPD.....a wife with a life long struggle with bi polar depression alcoholism.... addiction..... money problems because of them..... and now a needless suicide..... she dove to deepest depths of this addiction.... I'm whining i know..... but damn..... what did i do to deserve this.... now i just sit here night after night..... alone.... just thinking.
And i know people are gunna give me advice.... I'm glad too.... but understand im clinically depressed....i was busy all day.... I'm busy every..... in working a hard or harder..... I'm going and working at the shop even.... it doesn't help.
Im Clinically Depressed ..... it won't just go away today... tomorrow.... next week. One i had lasted 18 months....i just want you all to know im doing everything i can..... this isn't something that you can just shake off.... and the truth is i don't know what's going to happen. Sometimes there is no cure.... but damn it people
... I'm a tough mother fxxker and I'm trying

You ARE a tough mofo & I’m glad you’re trying to work it out. I agree that there’s no quick fix, but you don’t need to take her secrets to the grave either. Please get a therapist that you can tell the dark stuff you can’t share with other people. It will help you to sort it out instead of just letting it fester alone in your head.

I know there is probably not a lot of therapists in your area, so consider making an appointment in the bigger areas where your boys live. You can go visit them when you have your appointments.

It might take time to get an appointment, so please look into it sooner than later. You have nothing to lose & a lot to gain, so please keep up the good fight.

 

[Alaskan]

I love you all.
But there's more to this than just a suicide.... she had a terrible secret..... one i have to take to the grave. I cannot stand the thoughts I'm having.
My life sucks.
Starting with my horrible abusive childhood.... clinical depressions....leukemia...wpw syndrome.....chronic pain.... severe asthma ....COPD.....a wife with a life long struggle with bi polar depression alcoholism.... addiction..... money problems because of them..... and now a needless suicide..... she dove to deepest depths of this addiction.... I'm whining i know..... but damn..... what did i do to deserve this.... now i just sit here night after night..... alone.... just thinking.
And i know people are gunna give me advice.... I'm glad too.... but understand im clinically depressed....i was busy all day.... I'm busy every..... in working a hard or harder..... I'm going and working at the shop even.... it doesn't help.
Im Clinically Depressed ..... it won't just go away today... tomorrow.... next week. One i had lasted 18 months....i just want you all to know im doing everything i can..... this isn't something that you can just shake off.... and the truth is i don't know what's going to happen. Sometimes there is no cure.... but damn it people
... I'm a tough mother fxxker and I'm trying

Maybe a therapist or support group?

But yeah.... I have no good words, just know that I care.

 

[bobbi-j]

@LittleLakePhil - It’s a long, hard road and I’m glad you’re trying. You mentioned on FB that you are seeing a therapist. I am glad to see that. There is no easy “fix”, but with time and help, better days will come. Keep trying, Phil, and know that you have a whole network of people to reach out to.

 

[sourland]

@LittleLakePhil - I know the roller coaster ride of depression - it runs rampant through the Princess's family and into mine. You are a strong MOFO, but we all need help. Whether it be friends, professionals, and/or medicine. Hang in and know that we are here. I don't have the answers and am short on advice, but know that many care about you and enjoy all that you share with us about your home and life. Thanks for being you.