Welcome to the night shift

[Ursuline Chick]

I have strange sleep habits also. Sometimes I am awake for 36-48 hours and then I will sleep for 12-20 hours and other times I sleep during the day and am awake at night or sleep at night and awake in the day. I know it is stress. My Mom died over 1 year ago, at the end of her life my brother, step-father and his kids would not let me have alone time with my Mom, time we both really needed. They were really quick to clean out her things, I didn't find out they were getting rid of things until I found a bag of clothes and some costume jewelry on my front porch. God only knows where my mom's things went. My son, daughter and granddaughter got nothing to remember their grandmother and great-grandmother (respectively) by. It has been my experience that people become total A-holes when someone dies. It is sinful IMHO that people can't just grieve their loss, because of money grubbing A-holes.
I have found in the last year, when I do sleep I grind my teeth. So I have 1cap, 1 pulled tooth that is also giving problems with another tooth and another tooth that needs a cap. God forgive me, I will be glad when my step-father passes (not that I wish him dead) so this will all be over. Because he has use of everything. (I get nothing) until he passes and then I have to deal with my step-sisters and brothers. (at least they are not half-siblings).

 

[Callender Girl]

Stress can manifest itself in so many strange -- and unwelcome -- ways. I'm sorry the others made your mom's passing more painful than it had to be. I hope you will somehow find at least some bit of healing. Your mother would want that, I'm sure.

 

[Callender Girl]

@saysfaa, what a nightmare! The whole insurance situation is another of the "broken" things that politicians seem unwilling to fix. IF we are the greatest country in the world, as we have been told for much of our lives, don't we owe it to EVERYONE to provide affordable, needed physical and mental healthcare?

When I had my accident a few years ago (double fracture of my pelvis), I had quit my job a few weeks earlier and didn't have insurance. I was taken by ambulance to the University of Iowa hospitals for surgery.

Worse than the pain -- and yes, it really hurt -- was my concern that in order to pay for treatment, I would lose my house, my retirement savings, everything I had spent years working for. I was out of the hospital the day after surgery, completing all the staff's "tests," being able to go up steps with crutches and down the hall with a walker, because I didn't want more bills to pile up.

At U of I, patients get to choose their meals from a menu, and I was literally opting for the least expensive foods to try to save a few pennies.

Imagine my surprise as I was being discharged to learn that, because I was unemployed in the previous month, which had only been a few days earlier, I had a social worker and state Medicaid coverage -- which paid for EVERYTHING. including the more than $3,000 ambulance ride.

Honestly, I had asked the emergency room doctor back home if I had to be transported by ambulance (trying to save money) or if my sister could drive me to Iowa City. He said I should take the ambulance if I ever wanted to walk again. Okay.

No one should have to make life-altering choices based on their ability to pay a medical bill. Protecting people's bodies and mental health should be things we could take for granted as the minimal expectation in a civilized society.

 

[saysfaa]

For teeth grinding at night, my closest friend does that to an extreme extend. She wears a guard at night that looks like a retainer. It works very well to protect her teeth.

I'm so sorry you and your kids and grandkids are being treated that way.

 

[saysfaa]

I've messed up my settings somehow, I can't use the emojis or quotes.

Anyway, Calendar Girl, I'm so glad you didn't lose your house and savings! Or ability to walk!

Politicians trying to fix the health care system is what caused most of dd's problems in dealing with medical issues. In the part I gave, there isn't a code for what their issue is; even the "other" categories don't fit. Trying to explain this to people who have a monopoly (read: no incentive to keep you choosing their company) is problematic. That is just one of the aspects.

 

[Callender Girl]

While I was and am extremely grateful for Medicaid in Iowa, I had a lot of freedom in choosing providers, the system wasn't without some problems. For example, I had dental coverage, but the dentists kept dropping Medicaid recipients, so I needed to have three different providers in one year.

I'm not so sure politicians are always trying to "fix" the health care system. I think too often, their higher priority is keeping their jobs and adhering to the party line. Once upon a time, I was much less cynical; I can hardly remember it, though.

My Jim, who died last year after years-long illness, was a U.S. Army veteran; believe me, the VA system -- while it has many sincere and helpful providers -- can be a nightmare to navigate. When he died, it was in a private "rehab" center, which turned out to be the most depressing, poorly run institution I had ever seen. I was shocked that the VA put him there to die.

When I pointed out to one of the staff that Jim hadn't eaten any of his breakfast one morning, her response: "He ate yesterday." Really?

 

[CarpCharacin]

I've messed up my settings somehow, I can't use the emojis or quotes.

Maybe the rich text editor is disabled.

 

[saysfaa]

Yes! That fixed it, thank you

 

[saysfaa]

Estate stuff Hopefully, writing this out will help me clarify what to do.

First. I can't keep much of it. Even if I wanted to. I know I am not willing to pay for storage space - either to build some or to rent it. And leaving it outside to rust, rot, go brittle from UV (plastics), etc is theoretically possible but emotionally not possible (too much has been lost that way already.)

Second. I could hire an estate liquidator to dispose of it. Is there such a thing for non-household estates? Even if there is, all of my siblings are against that idea. Possibly, I could hire one after my share is sorted out. The most attractive part of hiring one is to not have to sort it all. I wouldn't get that but I might still get help with pricing and marketing.

Third. I could price and market my share myself. The biggest downside to this is not having a place to store it while I do that.

Fourth. We talked of a buyout price. The biggest downside is not knowing what it might be worth. As is and where is. Or otherwise.

So, there is that.

If I try to market it, how would I do that?

Estate sale? Auction sale? Yard sale?
Each of these might be possible here if the others want to. If they don't want to.... then what? Some people take the stuff to the auctioneer's place. Some estate sales are held in rented buildings (haven't seen that around here, though).

My family did a lot of stalls at farmers markets for produce and such. It is a possibility but would I really cover the cost of the stall and the fuel to haul it there? Much less the time to load it in the truck, drive to the market, and stay there all day/afternoon?

Various online markets? Not my wheelhouse but maybe.

So I conclude: let it go, I can't get to the value.

But it won't stay concluded. Because there is sooo much value. If it can be gotten to. How much are several dozen half bushel baskets worth? A few thousand canning jars? A 20 bushel box full of jumper cables. A half dozen hand trucks. Six electric fencers. Several miles of hi tensile wire, poly wire, deer tape, drip tape. Five freezers that don't work and six that do. Dozens of vice grips. Bushel boxes of pliers. A pile of ladders. Almost all of which will be added to as we find more. And on and on and on.

Some are brand new. Some are lightly used. Some are old but solid. Some are rusted beyond use. Some are broken but repairable. Or not. Some are the best you can buy and some are the cheapest you can buy.

 

[Callender Girl]

It is so hard to figure out the right answer. Jim has been gone for more than 8 months, and I feel as if I've only touched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sorting and redistributing his stuff. And, I don't have to deal with any of his relatives. The stuff is here, it's mine.

I wish I knew the right answer, because I also don't know what to do with all the things he spent a lifetime collecting. There is stuff in the house, garage, garage addition (which was never quite finished as his workshop), barn and on the property. Our friend Michael is still paying for two large storage units packed to the rafters with "Jim stuff."

Like you, I don't know the value; some of it is in mint condition, some is rusted -- maybe restorable, maybe not. Because he had so many diverse interests, I don't even know what some of the stuff is -- woodworking tools? leather working tools? metal working tools? construction tools? Jewelry making tools?

I let his books go for much less than they were worth because Michael and two other friends packed them up and took them to a specialty book seller we know. It was easier than me trying to find a market for them and selling hundreds of books individually. Plus, I knew his books would go to a niche group of folks who would really appreciate them.

I keep saying I don't want to profit from Jim's death, and that's true. But, I don't want to give away everything he spent a lifetime acquiring. That makes me feel like I'm saying none of it mattered; it did -- because it mattered to him.

In fact, I thought I had given away a set of very special knives that he bought in Minnesota; each knife has a fancy blade cover and he got them from an orchard that was going out of business. The covers have little apple cutouts. I literally cried when I discovered that I had simply moved the entire set out of its drawer and relocated it into the kitchen island.

Some things that remind me of Jim are too painful to keep, and others are too painful to let go.

Michael and I thought we had found someone to help set up a sale of the storage stuff, but when the guy came, he said that because of the amount of stuff, thrown every which way into the units, and the condition of many of the tools, especially, it would be cost prohibitive for him to set up one of his usual auctions.

So, while your circumstance is much more complex than mine, I do understand your struggle to figure it out. And, I know why it keeps you up at night.