Well,, Steven hit his terrible two's finally, and his teen angst,,

[WriterofWords]

Thank you.

 

[cluckychick]

Quote:
Sounds like YOU have done all the work for him. I did the same with my son, I applied for college, applied for housing, filled out this paper and that paper, sent for this paper and that one while he did what he always did and let everything slide til the last minute and I stressed about it all. He spent exactly one semester in college and decided he wanted to come home. What can you do? Support them in their decision, advise them, make suggestions, tell them what you think but in the end it's up to them. And today he's still not in college but he has a good job, drives a new car and doesn't live at home, and hasn't been in trouble. What more can I ask for? He's still thinking about college or the Peace Corp. I of course tell him it's up to him and I'll support his decision but he better pay his car off first, lol.

I guess what I'm saying is you've done all you can and now it is up to him. Continue to advise him but don't nag at him to get it done. If he don't then he lives with the consequences. Your a good mom, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[WriterofWords]

I appreciate those words very much. I have done too much for him lately, he's had a dream for a long time and is so close to getting it that I've helped too much. I put the folder with all the letters and such on his bed and what he does with them is up to him, I'm not doing anymore. If I'm "oppressing" him by doing this, then I am going to give him all the space he needs to fall flat on his face, or make it through whichever happens. This is extremely out of character for him and was mentioned before, it's not "manning up" it's not "becoming an adult", it's not him at all. I just hope he comes to his senses before he does something really stupid.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

It sounds like you have been a great mom so even if he is being a bit rebelious (and they do) he will realize how important you are in time. Maybe not the time frame you would like but he will.
My advice is to tell him that you're sorry he feels that way, that you love him very much and that you are only worried about him. Let him know that you hope he does fantastic on his own (and mean it) Let him know he has the opportunity to come back home, no questions asked ONCE. Don't be a revolving door.
And let the boy go. Say your prayers and quietly watch. Don't say I told you so, be negative or you may lose him longer. Laugh with him.
My boys thought I was a strict mom and I was. I told them it was my job until they were eighteen to make sure they knew right from wrong and could function out in the world.
Each one of them were shocked as can be when they would come to visit and have something that they didn't really think I would approve of. Like tatoos, snake bites, tongue rings... I just laughed and said that they could do anything they wanted and that I thought it looked great.
Now we have more of adult and trying to be adult fun instead of adult and child fighting all the time.
My methods are different and may backfire on me someday but the kids don't come with instructions and we just do our best. And I tell them that too.
Smile at him, love him and let him go. Be there to help pick up the pieces if he needs help and let him know that too so that he isn't afraid to ask.
He will be nice, respectful and love you all the more for it.

 

[justbugged]

Sometimes the greatest growth as human, comes from enduing most painful situations. Even if we create the situation ourselves.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Kate, I know how you feel. Remember my rant over my teenage son a few weeks ago?

 

[redhen]

Quote:

 

[WriterofWords]

I did tell him that was not going to be any in and out revolving door garbage, if he only wants to live at home when he's not mad over some imagined slight on my part then he's out of luck. He can come back once, but that's it. He's going to AIT after graduation, then he'll have a about 2 months before he starts NMMI if he gets in, so he has to make arrangements for wherever he's going to live then too. I am giving even more thought now to moving myself. If he's not here I have absolutely no reason to stay either.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
This CHILD has not yet graduated from high school.

Perhaps mom has given him too much support, but until he is completely self-sufficient, paying ALL his own expenses and living independently, he should be following mom's rules in her house. And even after he is on his own, she deserves his respect, not regurgitated complaints from a delinquent "friend" who doesn't like the rules.

 

[redhen]

yup..sometimes its time to think of yourself..

If he leaves, its his choice. I hate to see him mess his future up though. Thats what frustrates me SO much about some of the kids i've had in my home. When i KNOW they have such potential and they let it go to waste...
Another thing i was thinking of..sometimes when kids do this sudden behavior type change it can mean that they are dabbling with things..(i.e. alcohol or drugs) .... I hope hes not going in that direction..
I only say that because of my job..i've seen it to many times and its made me a bit suspicious...
the only thing i can tell you is that he was raised right...and all you can do is hope that he falls back on what you taught him over the years...

ETA: I've had to learn that i cant save them all. I do all i can for them. and the rest IS up to them..