Well,, Steven hit his terrible two's finally, and his teen angst,,

[WriterofWords]

Thank you for the support (those that do support me lol) I appreciate it. My concern is him being in high school and the chance that his buddy who has no plans, no aim, no real future at this time, will derail the carefully planned life and career Steven has always wanted and has started in motion. He says he still plans on following through, but his essay and goal statement for NMMI are due Tuesday, and he has had two weeks off to do it and has done nothing. All that has been done was the application I did for him online, the letters of reference I got for him, the transcripts I got for him, the copies of test scores I got for him. The rest is up to him, if he doesn't want to take the time away from his BFF to do then he can kiss his commission bye bye and go active duty after AIT. It's in his lap now, I've done all I can there there.

 

[WriterofWords]

Quote:
How about after high school when I am not still supporting him??? No I don't see him as a little kid,, I see him as a high school student I allowed to do a split option to help him get ahead in his career.

 

[justbugged]

I too had a child that was doing way beyond awesome until she got past the 18 year mark. She was able to get AA degree at the same time as she would have graduated high school. But during the years at Community College she met a guy that she thought she could "fix". This derailed her for years. She is now at the age of 26 about to get her 4 year degree from the U of W. She managed to lose at least 6 years by refusing to listen to anyone in the family. Because of this man she lost parts of her family, her God, and her church family. The trick is to leave open the relationship to future communication.

At least our daughter is now married to a guy we adore, and finishing up her degree in Technical Writing this June. She is now talking about graduate school. I am sure hoping that even if these kids lose some time due to allowing a loser to control their lives that there is hope ahead for them. If as parents we have done the best job we can of raising our children, then there comes a time when we have trust them to use the knowledge and morality that we have instilled in them. Even when our children have rebelled against the values that we have tried instilled in them. Those values are still there in our children. There comes a time where we have hope that our children will come back to us, and apologize to us for the grief that they have caused us, as they moving through their young adult lives. And we need to pray that nothing happens that will harm our children in some permanent way.

 

[Boyd]

K8, I am torn here. He is still the boy you've always known and raised, but he's also the shadow of the man he's to become. At 18 he's pushing boundaries from all sides. I did... I went through basic at a young age also (but mine wasn't voluntary) and in the end I guess I turned out ok. For me, it was my dad who I had a hard time with when I turned 18. Mom just sort of stepped back and said we'll see what we'll see. You know my opinion, and I won't push you away.

I have a great relationship and understanding with my parents to this day. But my moms more laid back approach got to me better I think. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think He's trying to assert himself as the "man" he has always wanted to be and is trying to grow into that shadow. Give him hugs and a little space so neither of you becomes bitter!

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Coming from his perspective, backing off would be the best bet. He needs to learn that he needs you, not for you to show it to him. Let the world beat the crap out of him first.

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Quote:
How about after high school when I am not still supporting him??? No I don't see him as a little kid,, I see him as a high school student I allowed to do a split option to help him get ahead in his career.

My dad used the "Your still in high school" an the "under my roof" lines on my oldest sister shortly after she turned 18. The next day she came home an gave him papers where she quit school, packed her bags an moved in with me. She would have graduated in about 2 months. The both wish he had just backed off.

 

[WriterofWords]

Well if setting boundaries, expecting accountability, and caring too much make me such a bad mother, then I'm going to keep on being the worst mother I know how to be.

 

[NancyDz]

Quote:
How about after high school when I am not still supporting him??? No I don't see him as a little kid,, I see him as a high school student I allowed to do a split option to help him get ahead in his career.

My dad used the "Your still in high school" an the "under my roof" lines on my oldest sister shortly after she turned 18. The next day she came home an gave him papers where she quit school, packed her bags an moved in with me. She would have graduated in about 2 months. The both wish he had just backed off.

This is the Dad's fault? I dont think so .. that so called 18 year old made an "adult" decision... a VERY STUPID one. All she did was hurt herself there. My parents used those lines too, it didnt drive me out, it made me think about what I was doing. Every kid is different , Kate has shared her relationship with Steve on here and it does seem very out of character for him and not just a growing up and "adult" reaction. Sometimes peer pressure can get out of hand.

Kate, not sure what to tell you here but sometimes you have to let them make some bad choices so they learn.. as hard as it is.

Hang in there

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Quote:
Nobody is calling you a bad mother. Just think of his position, you were there once too. He's got his wings and he's ready to throw himself out of that nest. He may hit the ground and have to be carried back, but then, he may soar above all others. I think all he's looking for is a chance to test his OWN limits, not his mom's.

 

[ams3651]

I know what you mean, he is 18 but he is still in school and is jeopardizing his future. Try to keep the arguing to a minimum even if you just have to walk away. Let him make some of his own mistakes and try to help his stay on track with his future. When my son moved out he learned quickly he could no longer borrow from mom, I repeated these words often "Honey, these are the choices you have made for yourself and I cant help you."


Just wanted to add an expression I heard a while back and I had to repeat it to myself after he left.... "If you always follow the rules you wont have any good stories to tell" If he stumbles a little while walking toward manhood it will make him stronger and he will have that experience to convey to his children. Hang in there. He does have a good head on his shoulders, you put it there.