what and how should I say it?

[Verboten]

Your step mom should have asked you before she took your child to church - she knew it but did it anyway. I'd look for a better sitter.

The nickname thing bothers you and you should say something about it. Maybe you or your husband can speak to your dad and let him talk to her.

 

[TexasChickenLady]

Well thanks for the advice. I was really hoping to find someting nice to say that wouldn't make anyone mad but I guess thats not possible. Yes she is good to my childeren, I wouldnt want them to live with her but she does treat them well. I know thats all that matters. It just seams that she does it out of spite. It really erks me. I suppose if I ignore it, it will go away. Thanks again!

 

[TexasChickenLady]

It's really hard to say what you feel to them without one of them getting huffy Especially if it includes them! And I really dont want the dramma. I also dont want this to cause a problem for my childeren. However my family has been known to say mean things about people in front of childeren, so I dont want to start anything bad. A part of me want to just say Hey look her name is Delaney and so on but talking like that to them is the wrong thing to do.

 

[whitecra]

I'd let it go. It's just her nick name for her. My given name is Christine. Now I will correct some one if they call me Christina. But in school I went from Christine in the lower grades to Christy in middle school to just Chris in high school and that is because everyone called me by those. It isn't like it is hurting her. I think that it is like her calling her sweetheart or something. It is her nickname she is giving her.
Chris

 

[mom'sfolly]

Your step mom sounds like she likes power games. She doesn't like what you named your child so she changes it. Doesn't think you'll approve of her church choice so she lies about it. I would not worry to much about the name thing, but lying about my kids whereabouts would majorly tick me off. I think that should immediately be dealt with. It is never acceptable for your child to be in someone else's care and for them to lie about where they are!! Even if it is your mother.

 

[Verboten]

Does your husband have a good relationship with your father? They should be able to talk about it and get things straightened out in a round about way.

There will be more situations in the future, so it would probably be best to figure out a way to communicate now.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

I have a little boy on my swim team named Zachary. I've known other little boys named Zachary that went by Zach so I unthinkingly shortened his too. After a while I was really frustrated with the kid because I would call for him to do something and he would ignore me. After weeks of this his mom finally pulled me aside and said, "Ummm... he doesn't know you are talking to him. We only call him Zachary." Oops! I felt really stupid and pretty hateful for being frustrated with him. Turns out he's a very sweet, very obedient kind of boy! I was the dork!
All of that to say that I was very thankful to the mom for correcting me on what he is called. She was very sweet about it and very understanding. It's hard to always know in our culture of nicknames and such. If there is a way to make light of it and correct her at the same time, maybe give it a try. If it's going to start WWIII, then perhaps just ignore it. Your daughter will take care of the matter herself when she gets big enough.

(And I agree with the others on the whole church thing. If she's going to do something she knows is against your wishes, she needs to have the balls to 'fess up about it. Then it's your call whether or not to let them babysit again. If it becomes a pattern, a well phrased conversation with your dad might be in order.)

Good luck!

 

[mgibbzzz]

I have had a nickname all of my life. My name is Michelle, but as long as I can remember it has been Mikie ( pronounced MikEE) after my dad. I had a teacher in grade school that always called me Michelle. I honestly didn't know that she was talking to me! When I did realize it, I wouldn't respond because I hated the name. I think some of it maybe your history with her, but it is disrespectful. If she actually cares for you or her, she should respect you enough to call her by the name you have chosen for her. As far as the church, I find that extremely disrespectful. I am open to letting my child go to another church, just so that he can experience it, but don't sneak behind my back about it. She should have asked and honored your decission. If you do not feel comfortable talking with her or your father, witre it down. that way you can let her know how hurtful and disrespectful this has been for you and your family. Let them know where you stand and that certain things will not be tolerated. By them showing disrespect and dishonesty to you, they are showing your kids that it is okay. You can write it in a way that is polite so that no meancing words will be thrown back and forth in front of the kids. Just say 'I want you to read this' and when they are done, tell them that you do not wish to hurt them, but these are your children and you are responsible for them. I actually had to do this with my mother-in-law about smoking around my son and somking in my home in general. She wouldn't get the point, until I wrote it in plain English for her. She said that she didn't realize it and was sorry. I hope that this helps.

Michelle

DMK Ranch

 

[fowltemptress]

edited because I'm cranky and shouldn't be commenting on threads like this unless I have some weird desire to be yelled at . . . which I don't

 

[FloridaChickenChick]

I think Katy's right...

My sister in law (I loathe her) called my daughter Allie. Blech. Hate that nickname. Until a friend of mine called her Allie. Then it was okay. So that really highlighted for me that the nickname thing was a problem with my sister in law and not with the nickname.

It will not go away if you ignore it, it will just continue. UNLESS it's something she is doing because she knows it gets under your skin.

I hope you can just let it go...life is so short and there is so much truly important stuff that needs fixing...don't waste your time on this.

And enjoy the family you are building! Living well is the best revenge!

(just kidding about revenge...that's another big timewaster, but I think you know what I mean)