What do you do with an unmotivated 18 year old?

[redhen]

Quote:
This.. x2

 

[Scoop]

Wish I had advice as I've seen this situation more than once. Seems he needs a purpose in life. I often wonder if these types of youngins were forced to volunteer in a 3rd world country if they would see life differently. I know, he's 18 and you can't make him do anything. You're over 18 and no one can "make' you do anything either. Hugs to you in your hard situation.

 

[old geezer]

..you'd be surprised how the motivation change will the first time he runs out of toilet paper , or has to make mac an cheese with out the milk an butter----skid marks in the drawers is another good thing for the giddyup as is going out on a date with last weeks unwashed clothes---yep ,, it's a whole nother world out there with out mom an dad ,just remeber that olsd song by the coasters---get a job

 

[Royd]

Quote:
If he were being forced, it wouldn't be volunteer. It'd be a draft, or conscription.

 

[Momagain1]

Quote:
it depends on where you are.

Here, absolutely, in IL; they will go and get the person and take them to the ER and the police tell them there was a threat of violence/suicide heard by others...
she has a text..thats proof enough for them. around here the holds vary time-wise most are a 24-48 hold...

my DD was NEVER EVER released in 45 min to hr...ever...the one time they released her it was after 3 psych. seen her, drug testings were done..it was about 6 hrs..
but she ended back up in there the next day...
however; in our cases; they do drug testings..if they come back positive..there is no help that they can give by putting them in a psych ward...
luckily our DD always came back negative..but unfortunately that ended up with her being in the psych unit on observation..

Here is something you can consider OP:

Are you his medical liason? can you go to court, prove him UNFIT to take care of his finances and/or medical care.? You can then demand
medical services and get follow through...because you have proved him unfit to take care of himself medically..
be prepared to prove this because he's a manipulator...master manipulator...and he knows what to say/do to get ppl off his back..my daughter does too..

I agree that you need counseling; its amazing how much this affects your other aspects of life...and honestly; if your other children are younger..they probably do too
they've been exposed to crap they probably would rather forget...

 

[arabianequine]

No younger kids older 2 step daughters and they don't live here and won't come here or hardly talk to us. They live an hour away....and don't think they have not done and caused their own set of problems and still have their own issues. 20 and 19 and still living at their mom's cause she lets them do what they want and sets no rules that is why they left. That is why my son wants to leave too.

Thank you for all your support and concern!

 

[cafarmgirl]

Quote:
This.. x2

This, exactly. You cannot motivate him to change, he has to make that choice himself. He doesn't respect you or your home so let him get out on his own. Completely on his own. He needs to learn what it takes to pay his way. If he can't pay the cell phone bill, too bad. Can't afford a car? Public transportation, etc. etc.

As hard as it is you can't make kids make the right or smart choices, there are some things you can't change and this is one of them.

 

[EweSheep]

x4

 

[fishin-nole]

Sounds just like my step son. We have had trouble with him for 18 yrs. He was in prison of and on since the age of 18. He's 30 now. Quit school when he was 14 though we didn't know. We finally got him diagnosed and turns out he is bi-polar and paranoid schizophrenic. Meds. worked for awhile till he quit them and is back to being "crazy" again. Try to get him in a phsyic treatment facility to get diagnosed. We have supported him all this while, but are cutting him off the end of the month. I feel your pain.

 

[Scoop]

Quote:
If he were being forced, it wouldn't be volunteer. It'd be a draft, or conscription.

You are right, of course, I just wasn't watching my grammar I guess. I've seen far worse errors that others never point out, so I'm allowed!(I spelled that correctly, allowed)

I guess what I had envisioned was a judge sending a young felon away to a work in a 3rd world country as punishment when they get caught with dope or drink underage. I already know what you're thinking; that would be cruel and unusual punishment. It just seems to me that a lot of teens have no purpose in life. Part of the reason would be that everything has been handed to them their whole life so what else is there to reach for? They have no goals that need attaining, in their eyes. Geez, today they already have a nice care at 16!!!