What do you make of this? (family story aka. a rant)

[Dar]

My ds has not had a relationship with his bio father at all, he is now 17.

4 weeks ago we found the bio father and showed up on his door step. He has hid from me and his son for 17 years (i know what a man atta boy!)

Now my son is trying to start some sort of relationship with the bio father but it is really strange.

Bio father will call him or text message him almost daily and they talk via e-mail but this past weekend DS went to B/D's house for the weekend and for the whole time he was there all her got from B/D was...

I am waiting for you to stab me in the back...
I cant pay child support cause i have no money
what do you want?
why are you doing this?
why now?
Is your mother putting you up to this?
Does she want back support?

My DS ans his B/D act so much alike from the way they speak to their likes and dislikes from music and books. B/D thinks I and "trained" him to he like B/D

My DS has not lived at home for 8 months now ans after the visit with B/D this weekend he called me monday morning and asked to come home.

He said the fact that his B/D does not trust him and the fact that he now realizes that his true family is here, he wants to be home.

B/D knows i will not tolerate drug use that was one of the main reason we split. He has the nerve to do drugs right in front of MY son.

I told B/D as soon as we found him that I dont want anything, I dont want money. What I do want is my son to know his B/D and make his own decision on him as a person and for B/D to answer the questions that I cant answer for him...Like why was my son never good enough?..

O well thats my rant ...thanks for listening...I will never understand how someone can want a child and then walk away from them.



edited to add... B/D = Bio dad

 

[wegotchickens]

I think your son got what he needed from the BD, and now it's time to close that door.

Good for you for encouraging him in this.

Now comfort your son and help him move on.

 

[asher]

Sounds like a very immature man that never grew up, cannot handle/want the responsibility of a child and that your son is already more mature than him.

 

[ams3651]

some times they need to find out for themselves to be able to move on. Good for you for encouraging him and letting him do it on his own.

 

[Mahonri]

Sounds like your son got an invaluable education recently. Hopefully, for his future's sake, he'll understand the importance of children having a FATHER and a MOTHER that are in a loving relationship.

 

[GaNewChick]

Quote:
No announcement? Just showed up?

 

[Dar]

Quote:
No announcement? Just showed up?

we have been sending e-mails and snail mails for them never to be returned so we did try to make contact in other ways but it was always ignored...so yes we just showed up...well i drove and DS knocked on the door...but B/D got over the "intrusion"....we all went out to dinner that night ...it was strange ..B/D was all accepting for the first week or so and then the true colors came out..

 

[GaNewChick]

Quote:
No announcement? Just showed up?

we have been sending e-mails and snail mails for them never to be returned so we did try to make contact in other ways but it was always ignored...so yes we just showed up...well i drove and DS knocked on the door...but B/D got over the "intrusion"....we all went out to dinner that night ...it was strange ..B/D was all accepting for the first week or so and then the true colors came out..

I bet he about pooed in his britches. It still may work ~ sometimes got to let the tension subside. Hopefully he'll come around and your son and him can mend the relationship. Good luck to him!

 

[ruth]

Quote:
No announcement? Just showed up?

That was my question also. That, and why hasn't your 17 year old son lived with you for the past 8 months? Where has he been living - on his own?

So you show up, unannounced, after 17 years, with a grown young man, and basically say "here"? Of course the man has a few questions as to why?

I don't think this was very well planned out or executed and could of/should of been handled differently if you didn't want your son to get hurt by the shock and surprise and questions his "father" would express when answering the door to find his long lost 17 year old son and ex standing there.

 

[rancher hicks]

Allow me. My father dumped my mother w/ 8. There are some telling things in your post. For instance the "we" found B/D. I have heard these things from more than one woman who has been dumped. "I wanted him to know his B/D." "I don't want child support". I don't buy it.
The thing is, this guy is responsible to pay child support, period! If "you" don't want it put it in an account for your sons education. If the state is paying support than any support B/D pays should go back to the taxpayers.
Why oh why would anyone want their child to "know" a drug using father? What possible good influence would he have on your son?
My father came back when I was married w/ 3 kids. It wasn't good. He would have done better to stay away. My older brother has had mental problems ever since.
Not enough? My wife's mother ran off w/ some guy. Short version her aunt called to say she had dementia and she and her sister got landed w/ her, 42 yrs. later. M/W father dumped her and her sister on his sister who I think resented it. Wasn't pretty believe me. M/W still has issues over that deal.
So here's my point. If your boyfriend/husband dumps you and wants nothing to do w/ your kids. Leave him alone. You can't make someone be a Dad. If when they turn 21 and look him/her up, be prepared to handle the fallout. "It was not our fault our parents dumped us", repeat as necessary.
Some things are best left undisturbed like hornets nests and males who aren't man enough to be a good Dad. Peace and God Bless. Love ya enough to tell the truth.