What to do about a close relative who invites themselves over?

[Wifezilla]

Hubby has some psych meds that might help even more than the Ambian...LOL

 

[PineappleMama]

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Any chance she can take Dad to her place? I mean, if that's her reason for invading, perhaps she'd put up or shut up and take him for a week, or weekend, now and again so she can get her Dad Fix?

Prolly wouldn't work... my Gran was living with my Uncle and Mom did the same thing... mind you this is the brother she SUED... and she'd just show up anytime she felt like it. She tried talking Gran into living with her (she did have 3 empty bedrooms) but Gran couldn't really stand her either... loved, but not liked if you know what I mean. But, it's worth a shot.

 

[pips&peeps]

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We must have the same mother in law..............................................

 

[sundance]

she sounds like a lonely, bitter person,Whatever you decide, stick with it.Your house your rules.If she still insist's on comming, tell her this year you plan on going out for Christmas dinner since it is getting to much of a burden for you to do everthing.And since your ALL going out to eat, its a pay for your own dinner.One year we had just moved a few days before Christmas, and since it was just the 2 of us we had balonga sandwiches, chips and watched movies, One of the best Christmas's we ever had.

marrie

 

[Tala]

I'd just have Christmas dinner on Christmas eve with the people who wanted to be there.

If she showed up on Christmas Day, well, nobody would be home!

 

[Germaine_11.20]

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I know she is controlling, she knows she is controlling. I have tried to set rules, but it always ends up that something offends her for some reason. Whether my Dad says something or I forget to tell her something, or something happens that she doesn't like.
Then she sits there, arms crossed not saying a word. Then if I say anything about her behaviour she turns it around and says something like " I am fine, you are the one with the attitude" and then won't stop until I yell or am in tears. She twists things and I just don't know how to make all this stop.
I can tell her she isn't welcome and then I don't ever have to worry because she won't come around-ever. I would just like to be able to enjoy my holiday without the worry of arguments and tantrums. The only way is to not invite her, I know that. I just don't know if I can do that. She is my sister.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

Has she been this manipulative your whole life? Or is this a relatively new thing?

 

[CoyoteMagic]

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I'm with Tala except if she showed up she'd be eating leftovers. That's what my DH and I do any how. We have a big dinner on Christmas eve and eat cold ham, 'tater salad and deviled eggs for the next couple of days and watch college ball.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

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Honestly she has been like this my whole life. She is like that with everyone. When she is being nice, she is fun but it is always on her terms.
I have gotten much better at setting boundries in the past 10 years, but she keeps pushing them. It has gotten to where she almost never comes over because it is just easier that way.

After reading all this I am going to stick with the original plan, Christmas eve dinner and then the Movies on Christmas with the kids and DH. This is not going to be easy but I am going to do it. If she wants to come over then she can but when it is time for us to go, then we go. If she gets mad, then I guess my Christmas will be "peace on earth" for once.

 

[onthespot]

Maybe you can get your whole family in on a "let's make her as uncomfortable as possible on Christmas" game... Everyone bring a box of saltines, a can of black olives. a stalk of celery, un-cut, not prepared in any way. A bag of raw cranberries... a can of pumpkin pie filling. Set it all out on the table, cross your arms. Everyone stare at HER and glare. Roll your eyes, ignore her and converse between yourselves if she starts up. If she gets loud, turn your backs and settle into small, private groups. open a can of olives and DO NOT offer her one. Eat the whole can. open a few small gifts, of which NONE has her name on it... and say goodbye, shove everyone out the door. It'll be all over in about twenty mintues and will hardly cost you a dime.

I think maybe she'd get the drift.