Why are people so rude? Need to vent... *LONG*

[silkiechicken]

Stop answering the phone when they call?
Block their number and say line was disconnected?
Say you have a lice infestation?
Say someone has the flu? and cough real hard into the phone?

Say the family is out? Or family is in town?
Hand her a child care receipt?
Make the kid eat what you eat or go home hungry!

 

[speckledhen]

Stacey, your son has been raised into a fine young man. Knowing his mom, I see how he turned out that way. I think you may need to just start backing off from a relationship with the boy and his mother. What could happen may not be worth it in the end. It's hard when you are so caring and kind-hearted, but sometimes, it's just self-defense, or family-defense.

 

[MagsC]

You are so graceful and patient with the situation, MUCH more than I could ever be! I admire you for it.
However, I think it has come down to this being a non-healthy relationship all the way around and time to be straight forward, nip it in the bud and say "This is what we are going to do.Goodbye. The end". Of course this is just my humble opinion.

 

[Chicabee19]

I usually don't reply to threads like this (although I do read them with interest).

If her child has no other friends and so many problems, he's probably driving her crazy. Sounds like she calls you when she can't take it anymore. He may have inherited some of his slowness and poor social skills from her side of the family if she is presuming so much on your friendship and has no manners!

This is what I hear:

"I can't take this kid anymore...! I'm about to kill him, would you PLEASE take him for a while? I know he's a brat, but you and your son are so good with him. I don't know what else do to".

She may have too much pride to admit you are a better parent.

If she actually said these words whenever she called you, would you think of his time at your house differently?

You could probably teach him some needed skills if you were willing to do some attachment type parenting/discipline when he is there.

You could talk with your son and ask him whether he thinks it is worth it. He sounds like a wonderful, caring and empathetic boy. Allowing him to help someone in need will lead to even more amazing and wonderful qualities when he grows up.

 

[kinnip]

Quote:
Yup!

 

[HennyPennies2007]

Iwas thinking along those lines. When I lived in California we had a lot of neighbors in our suburban area who either worked all day or flat didn't care. I have no kids, but worked outside a lot and they would always come out and hang out with me. We had some hills behind the house so we would go hiking or bike riding or something. It got to the point eventually that I would freak out whenever the doorbell rang. I began thinking of it as a ministry.... I didn't have kids (by choice) but God gave me some anyways to sand off some of my rough edges. Before I moved one of my older kids stopped by. He was like 21 and had long since left the area. He said that he wanted to come by to say hi and thanks for all the times I had been there for him. He wanted to let me know he had a car and a job and was NOT in jail! He also reminded me of all the old sayings I would beat into their heads..."don't believe everything you hear." "Idle hands are the devils workshop". "Even if no one else sees you...God does". Who thought they would remember that stuff? But it made me realize that everything you say, everything you do...they are like sponges. Pains in the A--.... but man did I feel good thinking I had made a small difference in that kids life... God sends those who will do the job!
BAWK BAWK

 

[rooster-red]

We had a situation very much like your own with a child my son met when he joined scouting.

The mother was very similar, taking advantage of my family for the 5 years that we had contact with them, except that she readily would invite my son over for sleep overs so he could "entertain" (read babysit) her son. frequentcey of the visits increased as time went by to the point of being every weekend.

As the boys both approached the age of 13 the gaps in their mental maturity continued to grow to the point that I stepped in and pointed out these gaps to the mother, and explained that my son had other friends that he liked to hangout with too, and wanted to do typical teenage things that her son didn't have the mental and physical ability to keep up with, and that if she looked at it objectively she could see it for herself. This was not a poke at her son, or anybody learning disabled, just nature taking its course as the boys matured.

Of course the mother went into a rage and cursed me out, I expected that.

I calmly told her to think things over and maybe give me a call to tell me what conclusions she came up with, even if she just wanted to curse at me some more.

Next weekend she did call me.
She said she thought things through and she found she had noticed the gap between the boys growing and had tried to push those thoughts away.

She called months later to tell me of some of the programs she had gotten her son into as a result of my son breaking free from them, and that her son was really happy to be socializing with other children like himself, and much happier than he had been in the past, but once in awhile he would ask her how my son was doing.

I asked my son if he wanted to know how his old friend was doing, he said he'd like to talk to him, so I told him to call him.

They now call each other on birthdays and holidays even though its been 5 years since they've been face to face. ( the other childs family moved 4 states away)

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
This is a wise way to put it.

Your son has probably put up with the treatment from this boy because, well, you kind of model it for him. You're letting the boy's mother run you, and he's letting the boy run him... It's really not that much different, except that she's not jumping on your back and choking you. Her ways of controlling you are more subtle.

I agree with others that it's time to break up the friendship. She will probably become angry about it, and she will probably do this because she has it all figured out that she can walk all over you. She will probably think that if she gets upset, you'll apologize and let her continue to walk all over you because that's the nice kind of person you are -- you might feel bad for hurting her feelings or making her angry or making her son lose out on his friend. Don't worry about her being mad; she's losing out on free babysitting and probably won't like it.

Why not get your son involved in Scouts or 4-H or another organization where he can meet some new, nicer friends?

 

[gumpsgirl]

Thank you all so much for you responses and insight. I really don't mind the child as much as I mind the mother. Honestly, I don't think he knows better. He is almost 13, like my son, but just isn't mentally capable to think as straight as most kids his age. When he's here, I do make sure he abides by our rules even when he doesn't like it. I just state that these are the rules in our house. It just bothers the dickens out of me that his mother acts like my son is such a problem. Both boys were volunteering at the S.P.C.A. (local humane society) together for awhile and it just got to the point where I was sick and tired of hearing about all the things that Kameron did wrong. The set-up was where I would take Kameron up to the S.P.C.A. and drop him off while the mother stayed to supervise the two boys and then would bring Kameron back home. It wasn't feasible for me to stay because I had 4 other children at home waiting to get going on their school work and she only has the one child. I was always being told that my son was doing something wrong like playing to roughly with the puppies and getting them to excited.

One day the mother told me that Kameron needed to learn to control himself and not talk so loudly when people are on the phone! I couldn't believe it! I finally just told her that I didn't think that him volunteering was going to work out anymore, because every time I sent him she had something negative to say or complaints about how he handled himself while he was there. It was a punishment to Kameron because he loved working there, but I couldn't take the negative things she was saying about my son anymore. I mean SHEESH!

I do appreciate you all letting me vent about this mess here. Maybe I'll start praying that they will move.

 

[gumpsgirl]

Quote:
These are great suggestions that we are already currently doing! Kameron loves Boy Scouts and has many other friends. It's this poor child that doesn't have any. His parents are scientists that drag him all over the country and even to other countries, so he really doesn't ever have the chance to interact with other children. Needless to say, when he comes to my house, it's like a huge training lesson on how to act with other children. Sometimes the mother stays and I can't say much about his behavior, but when she's gone, I do my best to correct it. Thanks for those suggestions!