Why are people so rude? Need to vent... *LONG*

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
Chicabee19, I normally agree with you, but as a teacher, I have to say that trying to parent other people's kids is a pain in the you-know-where. It takes work. I've gotten very good at having discipline and control in my classroom.

However, kids are smart enough to recognize that they can act one way in one environment and another way somewhere else. I have gang members who are behave in my class and are completely respectful to me, but don't listen to a word their parents say because they don't respect them. Nothing I can do will make them respect their parents.

If the OP tries to parent this child or teach him manners, certainly he will probably act better at her house. However, I doubt that the respect and good behavior will transfer to the kid's parent.

Watching one of those "nanny" shows will help you see an illustration of this. The kids behave for the nanny because it's obvious that she's in control, and she takes control. The moment the nanny leaves, the kids go insane trying their old tricks again with their parents.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
My opinion is that you play WOW too much.

Ha ha ha ha...

 

[MissPrissy]

It sounds like while there are life lessons to be learned in both children your son will learn the most about tolerance and helping others. There comes a point though were it sounds like your son will enter (already has entered) a very unhealthy stage of the relationship as he is maturing and out growing the other boy.

As hard as it is often it is best to severe ties completely with no looking back. It is not being mean or cruel to the other people. It is about protecting your child and not letting him be abused.

I am sorry this is beyond someone being rude.

Your son is repeatedly being abused by another child.

Allowing this child to come into your home again is allowing another child to abuse your child - yet again.

Say no, mean it and don't look back.

However, I would pray for them daily and let a higher power help them.

 

[joebryant]

Gumps girl, I just now went through and read the other replies. You've been given good advice by many. All I want to add is that you should not wait for something to happen that angers you before you take steps to end the situation permanently that you're in. Next time she knocks on your door, answer it, but don't invite her in. Stand at the door and calmly or while going ballistic (whatever) tell her that you've been thinking things over and it's all over. Close and lock the door in her face, not giving her a chance to respond; there's nothing to argue about.

 

[@migocontodos~]

While I commend your son for his actions, I have to wonder what ILL effects this relationship might be having on HIM!
I'd have to seriously consider if this is in your sons well being for his future!
In my house, the dw and I are the boss and if you can't play like we want you to...you get to stay at home. In the last 5 years...I think it's been 5 weekends another persons child has not been at our house. lol that's cause we were away on vacation!
If you choose to keep allowing the boy to visit, do him a favor. Teach him at your house what IS acceptable and what is NOT! and if he doesn't like it...send him home!

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

Allowing this child to come into your home again is allowing another child to abuse your child - yet again.

Rethink your priorities here!

This kind of behavior is teaching your child that it is okay to abuse him. It is repeatedly sending him the message that he does not deserve better treatment and/or protection from this treatment. This message is being sent by the very people whose sole job is to protect HIM--his parents! Every time you witness this kind of behavior and do nothing, this is the message your son gets from your actions.

HIS well-being should be your only priority here.

H​

 

[gumpsgirl]

Quote:
Whoa! Wait a minute here!!! I DO stop it and would never ignore my child being hurt and not step in. It seems like that is what I'm constantly doing. It just seems like a vicious cycle with this child. Someone put it as he might act before he thinks, and this truly is the case. I have been given lots and lots of good advice, which I truly appreciate and I think in turn have been given the guts or courage to break ties with this boy. It is nerve wracking for me, but after he left last night, Kameron was not impressed about his behavior either. For the first time EVER, he complained about how Tim acted while he was here. I was glad to hear this from Kameron, as it will make breaking things off completely much easier knowing that I won't be breaking my sons heart too. But please don't ever think that I sit back and just allow someone to hurt my child and not step in. I love my son and would never do that. I spent my entire evening running around behind this child telling him that we don't do things like that in my house and making sure he didn't put his hand on my child. I don't have time for that! I am a mother of 5 who homeschools, pays the bills, does the laundry, cleans the house, feeds the animals, does the grocery shopping etc... I simply don't have time to play mediator and make sure my son doesn't get hurt. Thank heavens you wonderful BYC'ers have helped me to have the courage to end this mess! Thank you all!

 

[speckledhen]

Stacey, please follow up with us at some point and let us know how things turned out. It's a tough, sticky situation and I dont envy your place in it at all.

 

[redhen]

Gumps..hi, i may have been the one to mention "Impulse Control"...i just suggested it because it sounds so much like what i have to deal with at my house...my foster son who is now 17(he's only been here a year), has this problem very badly...he never had any dicipline, any structure...and now being 17(almost an adult), he is paying dearly for it....i dont tolerate it...he is in trouble at his school for saying inappropriate things to younger girls...he DOES have a slight mental disability...but again...he KNOWS right from wrong...and i make him follow that.....he has a tough time here because ii am the first person that is CONSTANT with him....i make him follow society rules...if he dosent, then he cant even ride his bike to t he store...he hates these type of rules..never had them before...always bullied/threatened others(his last foster mother was actually afraid of him) he is about 6'2 and 240 lbs...but well,,lets just say, that he cant bully me..( i'm a fiesty redhead...LOL)...he hates that i dont back down..ever...actually last night i had to call the police..first time with him( although i have had to make the threat to him before)..he just was way out of hand..he almost went to jail....he didnt want to do the dishes(its his chore), so he storms off to his room...so, i go in there, and i ask if he is going to do the dishes..he say's no..so i say..okay, i cant MAKE you...but, i dont have to let you have these things in your room either.. say good- bye to your radio,...and whatever..so, he gets mad, pushes by me, (and actually pushed me), then goes out the front door, he threw a huge pumpkin and it smashed...then he starts hitting my front window glass on my door..actually punching it...

<<this was me..LOL...so i locked him outside, and calle the police, they sent out 2 cruisers, and i told them waht happend, they said that i could have him arrested for domestic...but..i was so torn as to what to do...so, i followed my gut and said no, just go tell him how serious this was for him, how close he almost came to going to a big mans jail...they did, they said that next time i call, he IS going..then they told him to go apoligize to me and ask if i would let him stay here..(i love my town police..they reallly are awesome)..he came in, tears in his eyes..said he was sorry..etc....the sad part is the police knew him from his previous foster home..they had been called there for him also..so..things arent looking good for him...this impulse problem he has is a huge thing....and it is going to land him in jail one day...and it breaks my heart....i'm doing ALL i can do, trying to instill social skills in him, consequencing his behaviors..EVERY TIME,( so he sees that he wont ever get away with them) ..*sigh*...

.., its hard having a child like that..that mother REALLY needs to get her child into therapy and a social skills group for children..(A.S.AP.), he is young..there is time to help him, if she would only just do it...

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

Whoa! Wait a minute here!!! I DO stop it and would never ignore my child being hurt and not step in.

I didn't get that from your post and misinterpreted what was happening. I apologize.

H​