Why do most people marry?

[ChicksterJo]

WhiteMountainsRanch, maybe your boyfriend just does not know the good thing that he has. You really must approach him with your thoughts and tell him that you are serious. If you feel that he is the right one, and 4 1/2 years should tell you something about that, then you can propose the idea of getting married again. If he keeps brushing it off, you must tell him what your goals are and what you want your near future to look like. Sometimes men need a great big push - a shove - and they will finally get it.

I also wanted to add, sometimes men get comfortable when they are with another person for so long. Maybe in their mind they have already gotten the milk and the cow, so to speak , so they don't have to make that lifelong commitment by going through the legal ceremony.

 

[yomama]

I finally decided to pop onto this thread, and just got done reading all 15 pages. Whew! There are some really romantic stories.Spook and Sourland, you two are real gems. Your wives are lucky gals.

I wish I could say that when my husband and I first met, it was love at first sight, or had some amazing connection, but it wasn't, and we didn't. Sometimes I wonder if we were meant to be together. We dated, bought a house, then had kids. I think one of the reasons we got married, was I was caught up in the whole romance of the idea of marriage. If I had the chance to go back, I probably would of taken things much slower. Taken more time to just be a couple. I love my husband very much, and I know he loves me. We are still attracted to each other, and he tells me every day that he loves me. Kisses me every time he comes home from work too. Wish I could say that I've been madly in love with him this whole time, but I haven't. It comes and goes. But I know that I love the person that he is, even though he drives me bonkers most of the time. But that's me. Very hard to please, and goodness knows I would never put up with someone like me. He doesn't always do things the way I would like, but he will do absolutely anything I ask of him. Even if its 11:30 at night, freezing cold and raining outside, and I tell him I forgot my purse in the car. (We don't have a garage.) He doesn't even grumble. He's a good dad, though a bit off when it comes to dealing with 2 girls. I won't lie, I stay with my husband for other reasons, financial security is one, though things have been very hard lately. But I know there really isn't anyway I could raise my two daughters by myself right now, and I don't want to. I think everyone's reasons are different. Sometimes I can see my husband and I together forever, sometimes I wonder. As long as he doesn't turn into his father, we have a fighting chance, lol!

 

[dandydoodle]

love and ready for a family.

 

[kareninthesun]

January 29, we will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. We were friends since we were 10th grade. Because we were friends only until after high school, we knew each other pretty well. I LIKED him a long time before I could sift through what it meant to me to LOVE him. When it occured to me that I'd rather spend my time with him than any other guy was a tipping point, but I also had a lot of respect for him, his ideals too. He made me laugh, we could communicate, although not always agree, we were always there for each other. The guy could send my heart racing faster than I could keep up with it, and I learned that it wasn't the Marine Corp uniform but the man beneath it whom held, still holds my heart. He is solid, and stubborn, gentle enough to carefully scoop up an injured dog, pretends indifference to chickens, but names the first one. He's the first people call with a need. He's prone to leave dirty clothes on the floor still, shoes where I trip over them, toilet ring up at night, but isn't afraid to use a washer or drier. Little kids flock and climb all over him, and he believes that we've gone through all we've gone through because God has a plan which includes us. He's nearly died but for a real miracle, walked through a serious valley of depression and proved that there is hope. Together our life is richer, complete. It is nice to know that even when we argue, no one walks away. We can't leave alone without a kiss goodbye. We still chase each other around the house, are in the same bed together. When business calls one of us away, I MISS him.

 

[Mahonri]

Well, you've received a lot of great advise here.

You know what you want.

Now you need to decide how you are going to get it.

And yes, if you start with someone new, it can take some time.... or not.

I met my wife on Dec. 14th and asked her to marry me on Dec. 24th... just 10 days later.

I knew what I wanted. We were married the following June.

No regrets.

 

[redhen]

I finally decided to pop onto this thread, and just got done reading all 15 pages. Whew! There are some really romantic stories.Spook and Sourland, you two are real gems. Your wives are lucky gals.

I wish I could say that when my husband and I first met, it was love at first sight, or had some amazing connection, but it wasn't, and we didn't. Sometimes I wonder if we were meant to be together. We dated, bought a house, then had kids. I think one of the reasons we got married, was I was caught up in the whole romance of the idea of marriage. If I had the chance to go back, I probably would of taken things much slower. Taken more time to just be a couple. I love my husband very much, and I know he loves me. We are still attracted to each other, and he tells me every day that he loves me. Kisses me every time he comes home from work too. Wish I could say that I've been madly in love with him this whole time, but I haven't. It comes and goes. But I know that I love the person that he is, even though he drives me bonkers most of the time. But that's me. Very hard to please, and goodness knows I would never put up with someone like me. He doesn't always do things the way I would like, but he will do absolutely anything I ask of him. Even if its 11:30 at night, freezing cold and raining outside, and I tell him I forgot my purse in the car. (We don't have a garage.) He doesn't even grumble. He's a good dad, though a bit off when it comes to dealing with 2 girls. I won't lie, I stay with my husband for other reasons, financial security is one, though things have been very hard lately. But I know there really isn't anyway I could raise my two daughters by myself right now, and I don't want to. I think everyone's reasons are different. Sometimes I can see my husband and I together forever, sometimes I wonder. As long as he doesn't turn into his father, we have a fighting chance, lol!

Aww, he REALLY does sound like a good guy.... give him that...

LIke i said,, just read some other threads on here... "my husband WONT LETme..." (ugh, GROSS..sounding..

).... Or.. " I have to SNEAK extra chicks in the coop"...
Keep hanging on! He sounds like hes a good guy....

 

[zzGypsy]

January 29, we will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. We were friends since we were 10th grade. Because we were friends only until after high school, we knew each other pretty well. I LIKED him a long time before I could sift through what it meant to me to LOVE him. When it occured to me that I'd rather spend my time with him than any other guy was a tipping point, but I also had a lot of respect for him, his ideals too. He made me laugh, we could communicate, although not always agree, we were always there for each other. The guy could send my heart racing faster than I could keep up with it, and I learned that it wasn't the Marine Corp uniform but the man beneath it whom held, still holds my heart. He is solid, and stubborn, gentle enough to carefully scoop up an injured dog, pretends indifference to chickens, but names the first one. He's the first people call with a need. He's prone to leave dirty clothes on the floor still, shoes where I trip over them, toilet ring up at night, but isn't afraid to use a washer or drier. Little kids flock and climb all over him, and he believes that we've gone through all we've gone through because God has a plan which includes us. He's nearly died but for a real miracle, walked through a serious valley of depression and proved that there is hope. Together our life is richer, complete. It is nice to know that even when we argue, no one walks away. We can't leave alone without a kiss goodbye. We still chase each other around the house, are in the same bed together. When business calls one of us away, I MISS him.

this is it right here.
you guys fill me with hope. my hubby and I are much like this after 11 years, although we didn't grow up together. I hope were even more like this when we've been married 40 years.

I come from a divorced family (mom's been divorced 4 times, all my dads have been divorced 2 or 3 times. mom and some of my dads remain single now) so I didn't learn much about staying married growing up. I have two divorces prior to this marriage, but I'm keeping this one. in my first two marriages (11 and 12 years) I was unhappy much longer than I was happy. this time, 11 years in and I'm still happy... something I attribute in part to my hubby being a nicer and more patient person than I am. he understands how to make relationships work better than I do, and when things are rough, I try to remember that. he has his flaws, as do I, but it's a very good fit between us, no deal breakers, and few enough long-term irritating things. way more joyous things, way more functional things. and he's figured out how to deal with me when I'm upset or crazed, something my exes never did. he has a way of bringing me back to earth and to what's important. plus I just love the heck out of him.

after my second divorce I decided I really didn't know how to stay married, so I interviewed every long-term married couple I could find. there were some things that only one or another couple said, but here's what every one of them said:
1) choose right. pick a partner you can live with
2) accept them as they are, don't try to change them. if you feel you need to, you broke rule #1
3) be kind, be generous with your love, patience, forgiveness, time. you married them, so give what you have to them.
4) remember what's important, take care of that and let go of *everything* else.

really, if you boiled it down to just rule 1 & 4, you'd have it.

the funny thing is there's nothing in there about being "in love". and yet, every one of these couples gets all squishy-face over the other... you can see the love in every one of them.

one of my favorite moments to demonsrate the point is this one... my friend Zara is working behind the counter of her brother's cafe. her hubby Al comes in and sits down at a table in the corner. it's late, he looks exhausted, worn down, clearly has not been an easy day. Zara hasn't seen him come in yet, and he's watching the counter for her. He sees her come out of the kitchen to help a customer and his face just melts, softens, all the fatigue and wear just fades away. he looks 20 years younger, peaceful, in love. Zara sees him, smiles, comes out and sits on his knee, kisses his forehead, runs her hand over his cheek. they've been married 26 years, raised 4 kids, struggled to live in a foriegn country. they're from the middle east, and it was an arranged marriage. they are clearly in love.

married 26 years and his face still melts when he sees her. *that's* what I want in a marriage. that's what I hope my hubby and I are creating.

when I asked them about how they got there, they talked about how hard it was to begin a marriage with someone they'd never met. and about the tough things they'd faced, but what pops out in their conversation is the same list as the other long-term happily married couples I talked to. two of their married children are struggling with their relationships, they say they've tried to explain the things they do that make it work and it's hard for their kids to understand... they grew up in a different world than their parents and they don't see the same things as important. and they struggle to make it work. they're not ready to take Al and Zara's advice.

 

[zzGypsy]

Well, you've received a lot of great advise here.

You know what you want.

Now you need to decide how you are going to get it.

And yes, if you start with someone new, it can take some time.... or not.

I met my wife on Dec. 14th and asked her to marry me on Dec. 24th... just 10 days later.

I knew what I wanted. We were married the following June.

No regrets.

sweet!

my hubby asked me to marry him on the third date... I wasn't ready AT ALL to move that quick. he asked me to marry him again every week... and never did it the same way twice! no pressure, just the question, 26 different ways. took me six months to say yes, we were married a year and two days after we met.

He says the only reason he didn't ask me to marry him on the first date was because he knew that if he did he wouldn't get a second one...

I asked him how he knew so fast. he says "because when you've seen enough manure you can spot the flowers right off."

took me a little longer, mostly because I didn't trust my ability to pick wisely, since I hadn't in the past. fortunately I came to my senses.

 

[EweSheep]

this is it right here.
you guys fill me with hope. my hubby and I are much like this after 11 years, although we didn't grow up together. I hope were even more like this when we've been married 40 years.

I come from a divorced family (mom's been divorced 4 times, all my dads have been divorced 2 or 3 times. mom and some of my dads remain single now) so I didn't learn much about staying married growing up. I have two divorces prior to this marriage, but I'm keeping this one. in my first two marriages (11 and 12 years) I was unhappy much longer than I was happy. this time, 11 years in and I'm still happy... something I attribute in part to my hubby being a nicer and more patient person than I am. he understands how to make relationships work better than I do, and when things are rough, I try to remember that. he has his flaws, as do I, but it's a very good fit between us, no deal breakers, and few enough long-term irritating things. way more joyous things, way more functional things. and he's figured out how to deal with me when I'm upset or crazed, something my exes never did. he has a way of bringing me back to earth and to what's important. plus I just love the heck out of him.

after my second divorce I decided I really didn't know how to stay married, so I interviewed every long-term married couple I could find. there were some things that only one or another couple said, but here's what every one of them said:
1) choose right. pick a partner you can live with
2) accept them as they are, don't try to change them. if you feel you need to, you broke rule #1
3) be kind, be generous with your love, patience, forgiveness, time. you married them, so give what you have to them.
4) remember what's important, take care of that and let go of *everything* else.

really, if you boiled it down to just rule 1 & 4, you'd have it.

the funny thing is there's nothing in there about being "in love". and yet, every one of these couples gets all squishy-face over the other... you can see the love in every one of them.

one of my favorite moments to demonsrate the point is this one... my friend Zara is working behind the counter of her brother's cafe. her hubby Al comes in and sits down at a table in the corner. it's late, he looks exhausted, worn down, clearly has not been an easy day. Zara hasn't seen him come in yet, and he's watching the counter for her. He sees her come out of the kitchen to help a customer and his face just melts, softens, all the fatigue and wear just fades away. he looks 20 years younger, peaceful, in love. Zara sees him, smiles, comes out and sits on his knee, kisses his forehead, runs her hand over his cheek. they've been married 26 years, raised 4 kids, struggled to live in a foriegn country. they're from the middle east, and it was an arranged marriage. they are clearly in love.

married 26 years and his face still melts when he sees her. *that's* what I want in a marriage. that's what I hope my hubby and I are creating.

when I asked them about how they got there, they talked about how hard it was to begin a marriage with someone they'd never met. and about the tough things they'd faced, but what pops out in their conversation is the same list as the other long-term happily married couples I talked to. two of their married children are struggling with their relationships, they say they've tried to explain the things they do that make it work and it's hard for their kids to understand... they grew up in a different world than their parents and they don't see the same things as important. and they struggle to make it work. they're not ready to take Al and Zara's advice.

I LOVE the four advises! I am going to steal that for my FB single friends to see THAT! That is what me and hubby are all about! Communication IS very important! I don't know how many time each one of us didn't understand because we all have different meaning about a subject or in what exactly do you want. Sometimes we get into a debate and decided OK, its time for a time out and both of us can think how we are going to translate so our partner CAN understand what we want.

I love the story of Al and Zara's marriage life. I've met a few Indian couples and they feel the same way. I must say love grows on them if they were not physically attractive to each other at the first time or they both hit off right at the first sight. Not sure why but it seems like the parents have alot to do with how the families would co-exist.

 

[hannahransom]

Hi Cari

Why most people get married in my opinion: They want security. Most people feel as though marriage means a whole lot and that person will love them forever if they get married.

My experience with love and marriage: My husband and I had happily lived together for 2 years in a kind of indefinite "Sure, we'll get married some day" but happy as we were, and then stuff happened in our lives financially that made it idiotic not to get married. So, one day I asked him if it was stupid to not get married now and he said "Yeah, pretty much". It was a perfectly "legal" endeavor on our parts, but it did end up being an awesome day and to our surprise we got presents! The benefit other than money for us has been that my family validates our relationship and we actually live on their property now (which means I get a yard

) I can't imagine they would have been ok with that if we weren't married. We also will probably have a kid in a couple of years, so it's good legally for that.

If your boyfriend doesn't want what you want: ditch him! I know it's easier said than done, but at least with the kids thing that's a pretty important thing to come to conclusions on. If he wants kids as well but just doesn't like the idea of marriage (which I think is understandable) I would personally consider whether having kids and not getting married would be acceptable to you. Not wanting to get married can be valid and does not mean he loves you less. If he doesn't want kids or to get married and that's important to you, it's time to move on.

hannah