Why do most people marry?

[CarolJ]

First marriage was for love (28 years). Second marriage was for security (wrong reason - only lasted a year). Third marriage was back to love (remarried first husband - will be with him the rest of my life).

The big things are generally easy in a marriage - it's the little nit-picky daily things that make or break it.

 

[nickie]

My perception to this has sadly changed tremendously for the worst after 16 years for me because of my recent situation. 

I do feel that love should last forever but I don't think it always does for various reasons. 

My "husband" and I of 16 years are not legally married but I consider us to be and so did he this whole time. All of our things of value are in both of our names. 

We never got married this whole time because it was better financially for us not too....but also looking back it was really hard raising kids together from previous relationships, with none in common. Almost all of our fighting while raising the kids was due to the kids. 

So many issues that I think caused what happened to happen and so hard to describe the way I feel now even though we are still together. My situation got way worse before better and not been quite a month yet since supposedly over. I am no so insecure, I don't always feel loved, needed, or wanted. Each day is different and I have up and down emotions. I try and hope for the best, be happy, and act normal but I am not sure it will ever be that way deep inside me again. 

I love him to death and so scared of our future together and of mine with or with out him. 

Would I marry now, absolutely not and will I ever to anyone regardless of this situation probably not. 

So recent this has happened and I am so hurt that it is hard to sit here and type this and not be crying. 

I know still communication is an issue but what can I do when he don't want to talk about it and just easier to act like everything is fine. When in fact I am now not fine. I wish I had a counselor I could talk too. 

So no nothing is forever imo now. I will never see anything like this again because of this happening. 





 

Do you guys think that most people who are in love fall out of love eventually, or is it something that should "stay with" forever...?

I remember feeling that way almost 3 years ago. I'm sorry for you, and I'm sorry for what has been broken in your soul that will never be completely healed. I may not have gone through the same thing as you, but it sounds similar to the way I felt, and still feel on bad days.

I got married for love. The day I met my husband from across the room I knew... We've been together for ten years and married for six of them. We made it through a very rough patch in our marraige and while I still have that place inside me that hurts I love him more today than I did when I said I do.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Ewe:

Quote: A very sudden change in behavior like that is worrying. I can think of several things that might cause such a drastic change, some physiological, some emotional. Has your father ever tried to pursue this either in talking with your mother about it, a doctor, or through therapy/counceling of some kind?

 

[chickened]

Another misconception is that marriage is mandatory in a relationship. One can choose to not marry and reap the outcome or marry and reap those outcomes. And a monogamous relationship does prevent STDs' for all even those that feel "nobody tells me what to do" Punkadoodle, I do not think you would last long in a monarchy which is similar in some ways to a marriage relationship where each other submit to the others wishes or wants. Me telling my wife she loves me because her brain waves get stimulated somehow would not go over well.

I think from my own study that people stay together out of convenience when the love wanes.

not sure what happened here.

Yep, it was for you. This is called personal choice. It is generally awesome. Just not when it starts encroaching into "my way is the only way territory.


On being 'in love', some relationships never have it and never need it. It generally becomes an issue when one person thinks it is there, and another does not. As far as staying in love though, there was a really neat study that covered brain waves. They found that certain people had their brains light up when they saw their loved ones...I think it was in the same region as meeting a new person. I can't remember. At any rate, they found those people generally rated their relationship as being extremely positive, and consistently strong in passion without the usual waxing and waning. I'll try to find it. It's fascinating to me to find out how the physiological areas of our lives meet with the experiences that shape our reality. To wonder what it is exactly that, out of all the people I've met from all the continents I've lived in, why my husband is the only person I've met who I feel the way I feel about. To be able to enjoy the experience regardless. Relationships are so personal yet cultural, similar and different, that it never bores me to explore them.

Oh, and something else that is really interesting to me that I haven't heard mention of...which is more important to you? Quality of years, or quantity? I know so many people who stay together to 'avoid the failure of divorce', and just sit there and tear into each other the entire time you see them. It is so uncomfortable. I love seeing elderly couples kissing and holding hands after long marriages, but I also love seeing people who lovingly enjoy whatever length of time they have together, or who know when to call it quits. Sometimes the two go hand in hand, sometimes not. It's actually one of the reasons why my husband and I celebrate our 'relationship', not our 'anniversay'. How about you guys?

 

[lowry075]

I married becuase I fell in love, am religious, and living out of wedlock wasn't for us. Still married sixteen years later,and still glad about it too.

 

[dinahmoe]

how sweet

Because I could barely remember what was good about my life before I met him - and I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without him.

 

[dinahmoe]

i married for tax reasons.JK


i married at 35.until then i was not ready to settle down and thought i would never get married.i didn't and still do not think it is for everybody.a woman does not need to be married to make it.i thoroughly enjoy the single life.he did too.neither one of us had ever been married before.
i then met my best friend in 03 ,got married in 05,had 1st kid in 06 and 2nd in 08.this month we will have been married for 7 years and i wouldn't change a thing.it is completly different than being single but in a good way if its the right one.i really think you spouse should be your best friend first and always.

 

[chickened]

Me too only 23 years and my kids are grateful for it also.

I married becuase I fell in love, am religious, and living out of wedlock wasn't for us. Still married sixteen years later,and still glad about it too.

 

[HetaChick]

Hmm, gotta say I love being in a relationship, but all of these sort of things scare me. Personally, I could never imagine marrying someone I didn't love, nor could I even kiss someone I didn't love. I suppose it's my moral code, personal beliefs and limits, etc, and nor have I haven't "been there, done that" as of this point in my life. Being hardened to that sort of thing scares me a little too.

I like the idea of marriage but I don't think it's necessary IMHO. I suppose for financial or religious reasons, but marriage doesn't mean monogamy nor that it will work as many of you know. I sometimes wonder if I am too emotionally weak to deal with the sort of problems a lot of you have went through, you all must be made of tougher stuff.

Bugs, snakes, all the creepy crawlies etc don't scare of phase me, but the idea of being emotionally ruined in a relationship that fails does.

Marrying or not to marry I believe definitely depends on the circumstance of the people involved. Rushing into a marriage or not really knowing your potential spouse sounds like a disaster trap to me. I've watched as friends and family built relationships and married people they didn't REALLY know. I don't mean their hobbies or favorite colors but how they really work. What makes them tick, their passions and life goals. I think being aware of that early on would be a good relationship thing...

I also firmly believe people should be close friends before a relationship. I suppose thats difficult if people like each other from the start, because when people like each other they try to impress them and act they way they know the other wants them to. As friends you learn who they are before they can hide it.

I understand it doesn't always work that way. So far for me, a best friend of mine and I are in a good relationship. Friends first, then feelings developed… so I hope this is a good thing and it lasts a very long time.



I wish everyone on this thread luck in their romances.

 

[silkiechicken]

I'd have to say I will marry because of non-love related reasons. Don't think a ceremony or piece of paper will change the relationship between my other and I. However the title married seems to carry lots of social connotations and benefits otherwise.