Why do most people marry?

[chickened]

For my wife she takes pride in the fact that I introduce her as my wife. I do not know why but it seems that non married folks for the most part introduce their SO less frequently or not at all other than by their name and it is up to me to figure out the rest. There is a feeling of embarresment sensed when this happens usually as if there is an inner involuntary emotion displayed or it seems that way.

 

[Duramaxgirl]

My husband tells me "'love' is an action, not a feeling. Love is when you go the extra mile to show kindness toward others, without expecting the same in return." Its when you keep going in a relationship because your committed to that person forever. Let me tell you he's done this on more then one occasion with me
I'd never put up with me...
those warm fuzzys or moments of intense passion are in my opinion not love... they're are the exciting high points of when you work hard during the low hard points of your marriage. Love is not how someone makes you feel but rather the emotional or physical giving your willing to do to make the other happy.
Now when I met my husband I thought whooo hooo there's one cool nice guy who is super cute! I want that one!
I didn't marry for the best of reasons... Lots of passion not the best reasons I'm still learning and these are just my opinions. it'll be 10 years for us in less then a month...

 

[EweSheep]

She WONT go for counseling or seek help. At the hospital they could not find anything medically wrong with her except the stress she endured to "perfect" her Christmas things and she went into a collapse. Thought it was her heart or something wronky with her diabetes but everything seems to be fine. she is under alot of medications. One time I counted, ten medications for her HBP, diabetes, cholestrol, arthritis, and not sure if she is taking any anti depression meds. I'll ask Dad.

Dad tried but you can not make the horse drink water......

I can tell her doctor tomorrow when I take my daughter in. Not sure if they will take me seriously or it's something that the patient needs to do. All of our family members go to the same doctor.

I even told our family counselor (daughter has Asperger's so we are getting help there) about my mother and he advised there IS something wrong with my mother, which it affects her marriage, everyone around her. She just didn't want to go to ANY birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. NOTHING and she stays at home, probably mad about the whole thing. When we go and visit her (we call to let her know ahead of time), when we get there, she took off. We thought she said she will wait for us but she does not come back until we leave. Dad was peeved, to say at the least but he could not force her to stay if she does not want to.

Frustrating for them and as for us, her daughters. I did ask her why, either she brushed me off like she didn't want to talk about it or "too much stress and I want NO part of this". So I left her alone, thinking either she is going to die soon or she does not want us around anymore.

Ewe:

A very sudden change in behavior like that is worrying. I can think of several things that might cause such a drastic change, some physiological, some emotional. Has your father ever tried to pursue this either in talking with your mother about it, a doctor, or through therapy/counceling of some kind?

 

[mom'sfolly]

Ewesheep...I suspect your mom had a stroke or mini-stroke. Unless they go looking for damage they won't find it. This could easily cause personality changes.

 

[they'reHISchickens]

Ewe, sounds like the Perfectionist had a breakdown of sorts and maybe they couldn't find anything medically because they were looking in the wrong direction. It's hard facing people if her life isn't perfect. If she doesn't get counseling, the rest of you should for your own health.

Why do people get married? He hasn't asked me and I haven't said 'yes', is my standard answer. We've been together 12 years now, both of us leaving 25-30 year marriages ( before we met.) Since the first year we were together, people keep asking us how long we have been married. LOL.
I've been talking about this a lot with my girls-- oldest one in a divorce and #2 in counseling before marriage. So many of us marry too young because it's what we think we are expected to do or we are dazzled by someone. The older I get the more I see and the more I like the idea of the old Jewish Matchmaker who looked beyond the "love infatuation" and considered compatibility and family background. You marry the family -- even if they don't have a family! The upbringing of a person makes them who they are and until you understand that about your partner AND yourself, you are going blindly into the relationship. DH ( yeah, I call him that) is a pure cityslicker, and I am the country gal but what we both had was a family background of parents who were good, KIND, Christian people who were solidly in love with each other and understood each other and tolerated each other's foibles because, honey, we've ALL got those!

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think for people marry for a lot of different reasons. I have many Indian friends, most of them have had arranged marriages. None of their children will. I think they would give you very different answers on what constitutes a good marriage, what marriage is for, why they got married and how marriages work. Most of the Indian couples I know have what I would consider good marriages.

They are monogamous but not monotheistic. I'm not sure how monotheism got shoved into a discussion about why people marry. India and China are both firmly in the culture of long term monogamous marriages, and are not monotheistic.

Marriage confers societal acceptance to sex and reproduction, and conveys a whole lot of legal benefits. I think most people in this country get married because they are in love and the accepted thing to do is to marry. Marriage is also seen by many as the only allowable place to have children.

All this being said...I think marriage and children are the only true leaps of faith most people take in their lifetimes. Both tie your happiness to the happiness and well being of another person. It means that any big decision that you make must involve the needs and wishes of others. Sometimes it means change, compromise or altering goals; rarely does it mean "me first all the time". It means commitment, loyalty, flexibility, affection, humor, generosity and forgiveness have to be part of your life. If you don't have those as part of your life and marriage, you will be unhappy in your marriage. So marriage is about faith in another person, trust, love and affection. But that isn't a "why" that is a "what".

I think "why" most often boils down to love, commitment and expectation. It is the leap of faith that you take to show yourself and your world that "we" is more important than "I". I think the love gets most people married, along with the societal expectation of that is what you do. The commitment and expectations about what marriage is keeps people married. Those who expect marriage to be all roses and turtle doves aren't the ones who stay married. The marriages of those who are unwilling to commit and compromise don't last either.

I can't imagine living without my spouse of nearly 25 years and my children. My life is richer, and better because of them. And yeah, living with someone that long means that sometimes the irritate the living daylights of you, but those are the parts that also make life interesting.

 

[redhen]

Short answer: Marriage offers legal rights and protection for both parties. It is a legal contract.

Yep..
All a marriage license is is a legal contract.
It wont make your spouse love you any more or any less... its a piece of paper.
It wont make your spouse not cheat on you or hit you..or walk out on you...
Its a piece of paper.
If you dont have a good, stable, healthy relationship that piece of paper means jack crap...
"Wow, we're legally married but i hate you and we are living a miserable life together... whoopie..".

 

[redhen]

Do you guys think that most people who are in love fall out of love eventually, or is it something that should "stay with" forever...?

Life is an ever-changing circle...ups and downs...
Somedays you may not like your husband too much.,..

But you should ALWAYS still LOVE them...
I have been soooo ****** at my husband before, but never did i not LOVE him...
I cant imagine my life without him.. . i think that tells me all i need to know.
If i ever find myself NOT loving him anymore... then i'll KNOW its time to let go... and i would hope that he would give me the same respect...

 

[debilorrah]

At my age, it's for the death benefits.


















But I really do love Ken with all my heart.

 

[redhen]

My perception to this has sadly changed tremendously for the worst after 16 years for me because of my recent situation.

I do feel that love should last forever but I don't think it always does for various reasons.

My "husband" and I of 16 years are not legally married but I consider us to be and so did he this whole time. All of our things of value are in both of our names.

We never got married this whole time because it was better financially for us not too....but also looking back it was really hard raising kids together from previous relationships, with none in common. Almost all of our fighting while raising the kids was due to the kids.

So many issues that I think caused what happened to happen and so hard to describe the way I feel now even though we are still together. My situation got way worse before better and not been quite a month yet since supposedly over. I am no so insecure, I don't always feel loved, needed, or wanted. Each day is different and I have up and down emotions. I try and hope for the best, be happy, and act normal but I am not sure it will ever be that way deep inside me again.

I love him to death and so scared of our future together and of mine with or with out him.

Would I marry now, absolutely not and will I ever to anyone regardless of this situation probably not.

So recent this has happened and I am so hurt that it is hard to sit here and type this and not be crying.

I know still communication is an issue but what can I do when he don't want to talk about it and just easier to act like everything is fine. When in fact I am now not fine. I wish I had a counselor I could talk too.

So no nothing is forever imo now. I will never see anything like this again because of this happening.