Would you allow your daughter to join the Navy?

[kristenm1975]

Riveting "ramble" Pineapple Mama! What you've said very much rings true for me and I will certainly dig deep to find out what actually happens to our children after they've signed a contract they think they understand the ramifications of.

There's a delicate balance sometimes with teenagers, I think. If I ram information down her throat and try to stop her from making this decision to join the Navy, it's just possible that she would hold her ground even though she suspects it might have been a bad choice, simply because she feels the need to be independent and making her own life-choices. She has not previously manifested such foolishness, but I'd hate like hell for this to be the occasion that she did. I will strive to find that balance, and I think the key lies in loving her regardless of what she chooses and loving her enough to say what I feel and trust she can handle it.

Thank you all for continuing to tell me what you feel. I'd love to hear more experiences from those who've been in the military and challenges you faced.

 

[debilorrah]

I would be honored that I had raised a child that had enough sense to know that debt is a bad thing. I would be proud to have raised a child who was willing to fight for our freedom.

 

[Michele_Lynd]

I cant really offer any advice seeing as my 18 yr old son just signed up for the army, I am crossed with feelings of pride and panic and not nessesary on the same levels on any given moment. the only thing I told my son how I felt and how much he means to me( only son) I cry alot with fear at night, in bed where he cant see and smile when I see hes happy with what hes doing, When I asked him why he told me " Mom so someone else doesn't have to" What could I say . Pride and Panic

 

[chickaddict]

My best friend in high school joined the Navy.
she saw the world and had her college education paid for by them. She also happens to be one of the most honest, honorable, hard-working and smartest people I know.

If one of my sons were to join the military I would be scared out of my mind, but also too proud for words.

 

[silkydragon]

lol no she should join the airforce and say i sent her so i can get a extra week vacation when i get back from basic

 

[chrissum]

I too, spent 20 years in the Navy, now retired and would do it again in a heartbeat! EVERYTHING I have now is due to the military, I spent 15 of my 20 years assigned to 5 different ships and 2 staff duties ashore and have worked with women throughout my time. Attached is the link to military.com it has many areas to do research for joining the the military. Being assigned to a ship is safer than being "boots on the ground" but of course there is always a risk. The recruiter was right in one respect, if your daughter gets there and she does not like it she is outta luck! I will say though, most people, men or women, when they get to where they are getting assigned, get settled in do just fine. I have an 18 y/o girl in my church shipping out this fall.
http://www.military.com/

 

[ScoobyRoo]

Her choice. I wouldn't like it but I would support her. I know it is easier said than done. My nephew is in Afganistan and his wife is in Kuwait. I don't like it but I support them.

 

[Penturner]

Here is my 2 cents and worth every penny you paid for it.
First it is not your decision to make. She is an adult facing the cost of an education she has chosen to gain. it is hers to decide how to pay for that.
Second this does not mean you cannot help and guide her in making this decision. I think it is very important that you get this change of mind before you do anything. I believe it will completely alter how you approach your daughter as well as your ability to accept whatever decision she makes and still remain genuinely supportive.

Now as for the Navy army, grants, loans, or scholarships. There are in fact many many ways for her to pay for collage and do so without debt. There is no free ride, she will work in order to gain any of them. I believe this is what is most important that you help your daughter understand. If she can see the Navy as just as much work risk and no more guarantee of an education than any other method. Filling out reams of scholarship applications for example. then she can evaluate all of them on equal standing rather than seeing one as an easy guaranteed way. then her true devotion to the armed forces can play it's proper role in her decision. all of her choices will contain risks. The military will transform her to an adult, a soldier and a professional. it has more to offer than just an education. As I said nothing is free, she will pay for her education as well as all these other benefits.

A question for you. Are you willing to be an alternate answer for her? are you willing to take on a second job so that she can be debt free and still achieve her education? That could be another answer but just like for her, that is your choice to make.

In the end i think it is your place to do all you can to help your daughter gain a realistic idea of the cost of every choice she has. anything she thinks is easy she is not seeing clearly.

 

[saddina]

I can think of several good friends who joined right after highschool (Clinton was still in office) and ended up in the middle east. That "free college" they signed up for has cost them marriages, family, peace of mind, and self-respect.

Along with the navy, i'd suggest she check out the local community college, and it's transfer programs to state schools for junior and senior year. You can easily cut a degree in half by putting in 2 years at the city college level.

 

[AngieChick]

I understand your concerns. It's a huge decision to make at 17 or 18 years old. I would say that for some it's the right thing, and for others it can be huge mistake. But, the decision should be a personal one. I'm sharing the experiences of my family, it's by no means what everyone experiences.

This is not a time of peace, but a time when we are in 2 wars at once. Wars with questionable beginnings. My father was in the military (Air Force) for 20 years. He was drafted near the tail end of the Vietnam War. If you ask him about that time, growing up in a farm town in Iowa, he would tell you that the old farmers were telling their sons to "do their duty" and join the military. It was after they started losing so many young men in their town that they began to question the politics of that war. Those in the military knew it, many went through the same soul searching while they were in the military actively serving. One of the lessons learned is that serving in each time of war is different and a unique experience.

There are some very positive things that can come from being in the military. However, many come home with some serious emotional issues. I am not judging, it's not anyone's fault. It's just one of the realities of war. Candy coating that fact doesn't help anyone.

My father saw little battle, like I said it was at the tail end. He did have friends die, and he did have some problems adjusting when he returned to the States. Being in the military was very challenging for my father. He loved the work, and the comraderie. What he found stressful and challenging was the incessant politics and having to take orders that he knew were the wrong way to go about something. There are many who love the military experience (in peace time). But, with my father's stubborn streak it was not the kind of career that he thrived in. The other challenges were that we were on the move often, as were most of our friends. In any friendship we knew that one or the other of us could have to move with 30 days notice. I think the person in our family who had the hardest time was my Mother, after one particularly traumatic move (she had to give up a job she loved and some very good friends) I saw her become much more reclusive. She wasn't able to put the emotional investment into anyone or anywhere, knowing that she would inevitably have to leave. The divorce rate for those in the military is very high (stress). All of this is when we aren't embroiled in 2 wars. I can't imagine it now.

My sons are much like my father, because of this I would counsel them against joining the service, even if we were in peace time. Your daughter needs to take her own personality and the reality (positive and negative) of service life into consideration. It's not just a way to pay for college, it's a lifestyle that requires commitment.

That being said, when our kids hit a certain age they have the right to do as they feel they must. We then have the harder job of standing on the sidelines and picking up the pieces.