1. ChickyLove

    ChickyLove Chillin' With My Peeps

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    This really is a bit of a rambling post, but I thought it could go into this category as well. For a bit of background I got married back in 1997 to a man who was nearly ten years older than me. We were married for nearly 11 years before our divorce was finalized (I had left him in 2004 because he was unfaithful and had a penchant for WAY younger women). He is now remarried to a young lady who is 22 years old. He is 45. They have two children together. Somehow I ended up being a mentor to this young lady because I urged her NOT to have an abortion when she was nearly 4 months pregnant. *sigh* I'm glad she didn't but now this puts me in an awkward position. She calls me all the time to:

    complain my ex-husband, her children, her job, her life, her car, her family, his family, their mutual friends, etc. and so forth. Without fail, when I am on the phone with her she is yelling at his 2 year old little boy. And I mean yelling. Nasty things that no one should ever say to anyone, let alone their sweet baby. Things like

    "What the &%*( is WRONG with you? I TOLD you not to touch that! Get the ^&%( in your room you stupid little &*%(%!!"

    Yesterday, against my better judgement I went with her, her two children and my little girl to the park. In less than a half an hour she had: spanked her kid for no reason, yelled at him, grabbed him by his hair to make him sit down (she did that in the shopping cart later in the day as well), and made him cry at least three times. I'm completely saddened and appaled. I told her several times that being gentle was more productive, that treating him that way would result in him hating her when he's older, that if she wants him to grow up abusive she's doing a fine job of setting the example. Short of calling DSS on her, I don't know what to do. While I feel no obligation for HER, I feel bad for the kids. [​IMG]

    My daughter is NOT used to seeing things like this and has never been treated in such a way. She was horrified and said to me "Why is Miss --- so mean to the babies??" I had no good answer for her except that some parents just don't know how to be good to their kids.

    Thoughts, suggestions? Should I just butt out altogether and lose contact? Help!
     
  2. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

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    Call DSS and get this woman out of your life. Change your phone number if you need to. You and your kids don't need this. And since your husband chose her he should look after her, look after the kids, make sure thy are happy and cared for. Why are you doing it??? Does he know what's she's doing?
    Please, call DSS or someone and tell them what she's doing. She's going to totally mess up her kids by treating them like this. My mom used to be like that. She got very abusive at times and it's something I will always remember.
    Good luck!
     
  3. ChickyLove

    ChickyLove Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:Thank you Sumi,

    Unfortunately, he does know she's doing it. I've spoken to him as well on more than one occasion in regard to what I've personally witnessed and heard. He "doesn't like it but feels stuck because he doesn't want her to up and leave with the kids." He does work full time and does provide, but emotionally he's pretty far out there. Very disturbing. Even more disturbing is that she actually has someone who is involved in social work renting a room from them in their home! How this social worker hasn't seen what's going on is beyond me! [​IMG]
     
  4. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

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    Hmm, something is not right here. Maybe the tenant doesn't want to rock the boat and lose her room? Or is the girl behaving when she's around?
    This is not a good set-up. Your ex doesn't sound like a good father, to be honest. I will never ever let anyone, my DH included, abuse my son and look the other way. Really, if that's he's attitude he DESERVES to lose them. I mean he's willing to put up with her abusing his child because.... You know, what is he keeping her around for? She sounds like a nasty person.
    No way, call DSS. They might think you're stirring because you're the ex, sour grapes and all, so maybe you could get another witness to back you up?
     
  5. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Call child services. They need to be removed from her NOW. They are already going to need counseling as they have been taught they are worthless to the one person who is supposed to love them. Get them outta there. yesterday.
     
  6. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Overrun With Chickens

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    What Debi said. Call social services. These children are being abused by the person they should trust most. There is a great phrase that covers this situation: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
     
  7. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    Quote:X 2 and then sever all ties with her!!!!
     
  8. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I was going to say that it would have been best to butt out back when the woman was deciding her pregnancy...until I reread and saw the 4 months bit. [​IMG] How did she think she was going to manage that one? Do I want to know?

    Call child services on this one. Like someone else mentioned, best to have backup, as you are the ex and she apparently has an SS connection. I'm not entirely surprised to hear that, as I've met some...unpleasant, disconnected from reality, and/or completely freaking insane social workers before.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2011
  9. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Call DCF.. No way a parent should say those things to a child or grab their hair..etc...
    Thing IS.... only YOU witnessed it... so.... she'll KNOW it was you that called.
    But in the end.. you need to protect that innocent child. Yes, there will be drama.... rise above it and do the right thing for that innocent baby.
    As for the social worker....if they see or hear that stuff they are mandated to report... i hope they go down too.
    Again... i didnt see any of this personally.... so... otherwise i would report it myself.
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Quote:Yep.. so have i... MANY of them. [​IMG]
    Actually the one i work with now,... [​IMG]
     

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