Writing School

[cathloveydovey]

OMG I’m so sorry I didn’t realise sorry

Nono! It doesn't matter! As long as you write a story based off the prompt and the WOTW you're perfectly fine!

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

Very descriptive!
First things first. You keep switching between past and present tense, I don't know whether you mean to stay in present but that's the first flaw I see.
Secondly, when you end dialogue, you need to put a comma inside the quotations unless you're starting a new sentence. That way its less confusing and you don't have to make repetitive short sentences.
Thirdly, I see you don't know how to use Your or You're. Where you said: "I want to know why your here?" You should have used You're because she's asking I want to know why you are here.
Fourthly, back to that same sentence, "I want to know why your here?" She isn't asking a question, she is stating something, therefore it should be a period, not a question mark.
Fifthly, I see quite a few sentences in need of commas where you didn't put commas. But you can always work on that. Just read slowly and ask yourself, does a comma belong here?
Lastly, I don't really see anything relating to Bravery. Can you point out to me where you icorporated that into the story?

Thx for your feedback, Autocorrect kept ‘correcting’ me. I’m so sorry. I forget to bring in bravery, I will write another one as I am not sure I could correct that whole thing, may I write another story?

 

[HeavensHens88]

I need help.

 

[Ducklover2]

I need help.

Same. I don't know where to start.

 

[HeavensHens88]

Same. I don't know where to start.

You're the one who let that PM die.

 

[Ducklover2]

You're the one who let that PM die.

 

[HeavensHens88]

but we're here now AND BAMSCRAMPARAMWOOT.

 

[Amer]

Don't forget to put them into spoilers for scrolling speed and so people don't lose their ideas.

Spoiler: Amara

"Sky above me, Earth below me, Fire inside me."
Amara tugged a loose, windblown, dusty-brown curl out of her face and shoved it behind an ear. She really wish she had brought some kind of hair containing device on this journey.
The windblown moors of Scotland were something to be reckoned with when you had only a tent, bedding, windbreaker, some clothes, and a pack full of food and water to defend yourself with.
Bear spray could have been useful in retrospect, seeing as she was traveling alone, but Amara had originally thought she could see anything, -or anyone- coming from miles away.
Now she started to feel the loneliness of traveling alone, and wished she had brought something extra to cling to when she heard a bump in the night.
She missed her comfortable room with soft covers and a cosy lamp to read by. But she had a mission.
The wind chilled her to the bone, it had burned her cheeks to a rosy color.
Hands over her face, she went forward.
Like she had for many days.
It mustn't be much longer.
It couldn't be much longer. For her sake.
Amara crested another hill, the same monotonous emerald, revealing a valley of the same color. Well, almost.
Here it was broken up by rocks and dirt, which was not unusual.
But in the center of the valley, a little saffron colored path wandered, leading to a spot in the distance.
Amara's heart raced. I've found the Moorway!
She stumbled as she ran down the steeper side of the hill, towards that beautiful dirt path. Anything else was beautiful in the endless bleak greenscape, though it appeared beautiful to her for the first few days.
And just to see life! A miracle in itself.
The wary red deer and indifferent, lost sheep were now her friends, in her mind, adding contrast to the landscape.
Amara picked her way along the path, glancing west at the sun. Three or four hours. Three or four short hours to make it all the way to Glossen castle.
Or to be doomed another night in this beastly place.
She picked up the pace, making an attempt to pace herself. The pack on her back was lighter, she had to make it, since there wasn't much food left.
The sun was falling quickly, the beautiful orange star leaving lovely pink and red streaks in its grand exit.
Amara ran a little, picking up little clouds of yellow dust on her already soiled clothing.
But the sun approached its final curtain, and the world was lit only by the waning moon, and the stars, rapidly increasing in their numbers.
Amara took heavy breaths, self consciously looking left and right. She had never been on the moor at night before, in all the summer days of her travels, wisely setting up camp ahead of time.
The pack sat heavily upon her back, but she was assured by its presence, to never be left alone in this place without anything of use.
A tear drifted down her face. She had to get there. If she didn't, she would die here.
Her memories drifted back to her sister's note. Get to Glossen Castle, and we may meet again.
Amara fingered her leathern shirt, given to her by that strong young woman, Bri, her sister.
Amara wished she could be brave like her sister, off on adventures. But when her sister had decided to find the fabled castle, Amara had said the woman had written her death and refused to go.
Because of her decision, Bri was there, living among druids and magical creatures, while Amara was traveling alone on the moor.
What would her sister do? She would be brave? What would she say? Amara thought back to the letter. "Sky above me, Earth below me, Fire inside me." Somehow she remembered those words, though the letter had disintegrated on a rainy night on the moor.
To boost her confidence, Amara repeated those words in that letter: "'Sky above me, Earth below me, Fire inside me.'"
She took a deep breath and followed in her sister's footsteps.
It was comforting to think she was probably walking behind her sister.
And in the sparkling sky to the west, her destination, there glowed a new light. A great palace, glowing with a magical light, sprawled in the distance.
And there, at the door, was the silhouette of a strong, beautiful woman.
As she approached, Amara recognized the beautiful vermillion curls and the round, freckled face.
"Sister! Bri!"
Bri recognized the voice, and a strange shroud fell from her face, loneliness perhaps. She opened her arms.
She ran towards the voice, and the girls embraced.
"I knew you would come," Bri said.
And the girls feasted with nixies, druids, and fairies, dancing all the night long.

Sorry if its trashy, been a long weekend.

 

[Ducklover2]

but we're here now AND BAMSCRAMPARAMWOOT.

That PM was for me to stop doing this.

[Person 1]
"Some dialogue"
*An action*
[Person 2]
*An action*
"Some dialogue"

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

Meeeh! My one has shown to be hopeless, can I re do it?