Yes Ma'am No Sir

[Yard full o' rocks]

mom'sfolly :

I actually agree with Dunkopf on the idea that you sir or ma'am people who are of higher rank than you, either economically or socially. That's why kids are supposed to use it to adults, adult use it with older and unknown adults, and the military with anyone of higher rank. In the south, there is also a racial component, although most people don't want to talk about those sorts of things.

It is not something that you say to someone you regard as an equal or subordinate.

I would have to cordially disagree with this statement. I am a white male and I address all adults (regardless of race!!) by ma'am or sir, be they younger or older

I also address people within the plant, customer service ladies, baggage handlers, etc, etc with the same respect. I never fail to use "SIR" or "MA'AM" regardless of one's position.

If it is taught from an early age, it becomes habit and NOT something you think about. You just do it.​

 

[darkmatter]

Quote:
Yes, I agree with Dunkopf. Terms of address are terms of ranking. I'd rather just be friendly.

 

[Stacykins]

I would have been thwapped over the head as a youngin' if I did not call people Ma'am or Sir (military parents). I was not required to say it to my parents though

. But it is so natural now, I am sure to call everyone Ma'am or Sir that I do not know. I don't care if it is old fashioned, it is polite, just like holding the door open for someone behind you. And people instantly respond better when you use that in an answer. It is like they just recognized you are respectful of them, so they are more respectful of you. Treat others how you want to be treated, isn't that the golden rule?

It is weird getting cudos for using Ma'am or Sir. Like when I spoke to a friend of my father's the first time a few weeks ago and of course said Sir! My Dad told me later he hadn't heard a young person use it for a long time, and that is was very refreshing. I've had strangers tell me thank you, just for addressing them that way! Class, race, or age doesn't matter to me, I'll say it to a younger cashier when I thank them, for instance.

Maybe I am just an old fashioned 22 year old

Edit for typos

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Sir and Ma'am ARE a spoken gesture of respect. And I, for one, like them. I like them when I am addressed that way and I address people that way. I make a point of using it to people who are in subordinate positions such as wait staff and customer service people. It has been used to establish rank in the past and, to many, still does. To me NOW it is a gesture of respect for the other person's humanity and work.

I have nothing to prove to anyone so it does not cost me anything to show respect to others.

 

[country lady]

My grandparents were born around 1900 in the south. My mother, their daughter-in-law, always called them Mr. John and Ms. Mary (not their real first names). It was respect. When my mother reached her late 80s, she finally admitted she never liked her mother-in-law, which was obvious to us. However, I'm sure my grandmother did not like my mother either, but to the woman's credit I never heard her criticize my mother. We children would have defended my mother, I'm sure, even though our mother was often the trouble instigator.

In the past, it was disrespectful to call adults outside the family by first names. Recently, DH asked a young man, in his 20s and a school teacher, to call him "Jim" and the young man said, "I can't do that; that's not how I was raised." A couple of weeks ago a young woman with a sweet southern accent called me "ma'am" when I called to buy eggs from her for the first time. Unfortunately, many southern children are raising themselves, too, just like other parts of our country.

This is not about "class" or a person's place in society, but about being "classy" and "polite." Society must have rules, civility, and boundaries. IMO, the military established these rules for discipline, which is sorely lacking in civilian society today.

 

[mom'sfolly]

It is still considered military or Southern manners. It is not considered rude when someone from the north or west does not say it. Different places have different rules. As I said earlier, my Scottish friend finds it incredibly strange, and said where she grew up sir or ma'am would only be used when someone was being snide; otherwise it was reserved for very specific circumstances. The Queen is addressed by ma'am not every older woman.

So I know of parents who do the Tabasco on the tongue for kids failing the sir or ma'am thing. If the person is otherwise polite, why is this needed?

 

[NeeleysAVLChicks]

Quote:
I completely agree!

Every time my brother and I left the house when we were kids, the last thing our parents would say to us was...."Don't forget to say 'Yes, Ma'am', 'No, Ma'am', 'Yes, Sir," 'No, Sir' and 'Please and Thank You.' It truly stuck and I'm doubtful I could ever change the habit even if I tried.

If you get upset by a simple show of respect....eh, I'm sorry...but there are MUCH bigger things out there that you SHOULD get worked up over, this is not one of them.

 

[EweSheep]

Well its better than saying HEY YOU! Hey Lady!

That really rubs me the wrong way!

 

[Ec_Prokta]

I find that it's very respectful to address an older person as "Sir" or "Ma'am". As such, I always keep those words in my lexicon for use.

 

[suzettex5]

I try to teach my kids to address people with "Mr. or Ms." Soooo many people these days give their first names as a form of introduction to me while I am with my kids, and it feels kinda awkward to ask their last name (I think its a generational, sign of the times kinda thing for me with that) so I always say to the kids- Please say hello to "Mr or Ms. So and So". Its my way of trying to instill at least some kind of respect and to remind my kids they are not social equals to the adults quite yet.