◇DiamondSwan's Phenomenal Chat Thread!◇

Im writing a story and I need ppls opinions on my first paragraph, you know how in Warriors Erin Hunter always puts at least one paragraph thats farther into the book before she actually starts the book? Thats what this is.

Misty stares at Grant petrified, her eyes dart to the chains around her wrists, and at the other end Grant holds them, something flickers in his eyes. Fear? Pain? Joy? Misty doesnt know but it puts an odd sense of terror in her. The chains jingle and echo through the temple, Maru behind him holds his hands in a paticular manner as he controls Grants blood. A smile spreads slowly through Maru's face, and he lowers his head as he starts to laugh sending a chill through Misty's entire being. He flicks a few fingers and sends Grant flying toward Misty, she turns and tries to run, but Maru makes Grant pull back the chains and collide with her. Grant lands on top of her, pinning her down and holding a knife to her throat, "Misty" He murmurs. "Whatever happens... Remember its not me doing it, its Maru." He coughs up globs of blood and a small amount trickles down the corner of his mouth. Maru laughs again, "It might be me making you do it Grant, but it will still techinally be you torturing her." He throws back his head, his matted fiery red hair clumped together with blood, he makes Grant pull the knife closer to Misty's throat. She yelps as the cold metal slowly cuts into her, Misty tries to shake Grant off but he keeps her down under him like dead weight. "Misty..." Grant begins to say, and thats when she hears something unsheath and the sickening noise of something cut through flesh. In the corner of her eye, she sees Grants head roll to the side, Misty releases a blood-curdling scream.
 
Good afternoon everybody! Boy has it been active today. Last night my rooster Raphael had a terrible cut on his comb, it was a mess so my Dad and I had to clean him up. This morning the hens were pecking him so it's been quite busy. I am hoping now that he's separated that it heals. -_-
Anyhow how are y'all today? Cannot stay long but figured I'd say hello. :D
(Sorry for being all over the place, woke up early and am hyper). :P
 
Im writing a story and I need ppls opinions on my first paragraph, you know how in Warriors Erin Hunter always puts at least one paragraph thats farther into the book before she actually starts the book? Thats what this is.

Misty stares at Grant petrified, her eyes dart to the chains around her wrists, and at the other end Grant holds them, something flickers in his eyes. Fear? Pain? Joy? Misty doesnt know but it puts an odd sense of terror in her. The chains jingle and echo through the temple, Maru behind him holds his hands in a paticular manner as he controls Grants blood. A smile spreads slowly through Maru's face, and he lowers his head as he starts to laugh sending a chill through Misty's entire being. He flicks a few fingers and sends Grant flying toward Misty, she turns and tries to run, but Maru makes Grant pull back the chains and collide with her. Grant lands on top of her, pinning her down and holding a knife to her throat, "Misty" He murmurs. "Whatever happens... Remember its not me doing it, its Maru." He coughs up globs of blood and a small amount trickles down the corner of his mouth. Maru laughs again, "It might be me making you do it Grant, but it will still techinally be you torturing her." He throws back his head, his matted fiery red hair clumped together with blood, he makes Grant pull the knife closer to Misty's throat. She yelps as the cold metal slowly cuts into her, Misty tries to shake Grant off but he keeps her down under him like dead weight. "Misty..." Grant begins to say, and thats when she hears something unsheath and the sickening noise of something cut through flesh. In the corner of her eye, she sees Grants head roll to the side, Misty releases a blood-curdling scream.

tears... : - ( i'm late for an apptment and have to go, but excellent
 
Im writing a story and I need ppls opinions on my first paragraph, you know how in Warriors Erin Hunter always puts at least one paragraph thats farther into the book before she actually starts the book? Thats what this is.

Misty stares at Grant petrified, her eyes dart to the chains around her wrists, and at the other end Grant holds them, something flickers in his eyes. Fear? Pain? Joy? Misty doesnt know but it puts an odd sense of terror in her. The chains jingle and echo through the temple, Maru behind him holds his hands in a paticular manner as he controls Grants blood. A smile spreads slowly through Maru's face, and he lowers his head as he starts to laugh sending a chill through Misty's entire being. He flicks a few fingers and sends Grant flying toward Misty, she turns and tries to run, but Maru makes Grant pull back the chains and collide with her. Grant lands on top of her, pinning her down and holding a knife to her throat, "Misty" He murmurs. "Whatever happens... Remember its not me doing it, its Maru." He coughs up globs of blood and a small amount trickles down the corner of his mouth. Maru laughs again, "It might be me making you do it Grant, but it will still techinally be you torturing her." He throws back his head, his matted fiery red hair clumped together with blood, he makes Grant pull the knife closer to Misty's throat. She yelps as the cold metal slowly cuts into her, Misty tries to shake Grant off but he keeps her down under him like dead weight. "Misty..." Grant begins to say, and thats when she hears something unsheath and the sickening noise of something cut through flesh. In the corner of her eye, she sees Grants head roll to the side, Misty releases a blood-curdling scream.
Whoa! It`s great!
 
Im writing a story and I need ppls opinions on my first paragraph, you know how in Warriors Erin Hunter always puts at least one paragraph thats farther into the book before she actually starts the book? Thats what this is.

Misty stares at Grant petrified, her eyes dart to the chains around her wrists, and at the other end Grant holds them, something flickers in his eyes. Fear? Pain? Joy? Misty doesnt know but it puts an odd sense of terror in her. The chains jingle and echo through the temple, Maru behind him holds his hands in a paticular manner as he controls Grants blood. A smile spreads slowly through Maru's face, and he lowers his head as he starts to laugh sending a chill through Misty's entire being. He flicks a few fingers and sends Grant flying toward Misty, she turns and tries to run, but Maru makes Grant pull back the chains and collide with her. Grant lands on top of her, pinning her down and holding a knife to her throat, "Misty" He murmurs. "Whatever happens... Remember its not me doing it, its Maru." He coughs up globs of blood and a small amount trickles down the corner of his mouth. Maru laughs again, "It might be me making you do it Grant, but it will still techinally be you torturing her." He throws back his head, his matted fiery red hair clumped together with blood, he makes Grant pull the knife closer to Misty's throat. She yelps as the cold metal slowly cuts into her, Misty tries to shake Grant off but he keeps her down under him like dead weight. "Misty..." Grant begins to say, and thats when she hears something unsheath and the sickening noise of something cut through flesh. In the corner of her eye, she sees Grants head roll to the side, Misty releases a blood-curdling scream.
Dude! This is totally awesome! :pop
 

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