➡I accidentally bought Balut eggs: 2 live ducks! Now a Chat Thread!

[Kiki]

Happy Memorial Day!

Haven’t been around much lately.
Friday was my brother’s last day of school so I took him to a trampoline park and we had fun. Then tonight the family all went to the carnival and where I got to re-live the small town feel of a fair, and we won two goldfish.

We were supposed to spend this weekend with family from Kansas and East Texas but the all of our Kansas family got flooded, and so we called it off.

Still had a great weekend though!

Carnival pictures! I took more but don’t want to flood the page.

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Are you sure you are in college?
You look like you could still be in jr high school.

 

[Kiki]

So.. I have been banned from hatching more birds until I winnow down the birds I have now. Yesterday I noticed Blue has staying in the nestbox for quite a while. I checked again last night and noticed she only had 2 eggs plus the fake egg to sit on, so I gave her 4 more eggs and marked all 6; I didn't want her to sit lopsided you see. I moved the fake egg to the other box.

This doesn't count as incubating more since I'm not using an incubator, right?
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Nope broodies don't count.
Did you know that they have been known to steal eggs from other nest boxes too?

 

[Kiki]

Yeah, I think the lack of sleep this week and all my sweet teas has definitely been doing it ha idk why I haven’t been sleeping but it’s annoying and I gotta figure it out. I seem to stay up late and wake up early and not be able to fall back asleep. Maybe I just need to start going to bed earlier haha although I can’t always get to sleep right away even then. Or if I do sleep it feels like I haven't. And at least twice now I’ve fallen asleep with my light on. I guess I stayed up pretty late, maybe thinking or something, and just passed out. Woke up early to the light on and never went back to sleep.



Thank you. I am feeling more confident now that I am gonna make it. And oddly I saw a lot of posts on Twitter today that were exactly what I needed to see/read haha so that was helpful.

And I even started looking into therapists haha today was a lot better. Clearly.

Didn’t get far into it but found a website that lists a bunch so was reading some of their profiles and found a few that looked cool. Nice enough I mean. Next step: actually calling them and trying to get an appointment or at least try a bunch of different ones to see if I like any or doing the phone consultation thing or whatever, idk, however it works to get it going/actually see one. But I don’t think I’ll get to that next step anytime soon.

I just hate talking on the phone anyway let alone to make a therapy appointment lol

I don’t even make any of my own appointments as is like doctor and dentist and stuff.

Course we all see the same ones and have for years so they know my parents so my mom usually just does it since they know her and it’s easy but still. Really should do it myself but ehh. Probably will eventually if and when I get a new doctor.

But for real, I won’t even make a freaking hair appointment! Ha my hair’s needed to be cut for months. Wanted my mom to do it and she keeps forgetting. And I won’t. Horrible anxiety talking on phones. And in general. But on phones it is worse. And I also tend to mumble and kind of stammer and/or talk really really quietly and just generally be incomprehensible. plus I just hate it. So I just don’t do it. I do it with family cause I have to but even then I don’t like it and try to get off the phone as quickly as possible most of the time haha with close friends I will cause I am much more comfortable with that and even enjoy talking to some of my really good friends on the phone or on FaceTime or whatever. But usually I hate talking on the phone except for those limited circumstances.

Anyway, I also don’t want my family to know I’m trying to find a therapist so I can’t ask them to call. Well, I think they kind of already know, we all agreed we should all see one. So they know I want one but we haven’t talked about it in a while. So they don’t know I’m looking or anything. And I don’t want them to. And besides, I don’t want someone trying to tell them what my issues are or leaving certain stuff out so I’d rather just do it myself and be honest so I can find the right one. And fast.

But I hate phones so I have a feeling that won’t get done...

Most of them do offer email too but I’m afraid I’m way too long winded for that.

And besides.... it involves feelings.... and emotions.... and sharing them.... not so great with that... I mean, on here and online I kind of am, idk, easier with strangers I guess, but even then, most people don’t know everything, and even though you can’t see it through a screen, even just talking about it and typing it gives me some anxiety too. I guess it’s because I’m actually thinking about it and bringing the bad shit up instead of burying it but I get all fidgety and weird and get all tight in the chest. ****, I could barely even tell my best friend growing up about my SH. I don’t even know when I told her. I think I only told her when she kind of started figuring stuff out herself senior year so then I had to. But even then, I invited her over and we went for a walk in the woods around our house and sat on a log out there but I wouldn’t sit down at first, kept pacing around, wouldn’t even look at her. I finally did sit down but still wouldn’t really look and was all fidgety. I finally did tell her but it took me literally probably like at least an hour to finally spit it out. I wanted to but every time I started to say it or get to the important part, I would get all weird and nervous and stop. Idk, it’s awkward and uncomfortable to me and I hate talking about stuff so I would just freeze up. It was really hard to talk about and I think I was a little scared. Idk. I just couldn’t get the words out. I finally did but I’m just not good with that stuff. And that was my best friend. And then there were a bunch of people in college I struggled to tell too, roommates and friends and stuff. I did start to tell one once but I don’t think I ever actually did. Idk.

I did have an amazing best friend/roommate though. We’re still friends and more like sisters ha she’s amazing and really gets me and she’s so nice. She really helped me a ton too because I was going through a lot of stuff back but she still wanted to be my friend. But even with her it took me a while to get comfortable enough to tell her anything and even after I did, there was still a lot of stuff I lied about and covered up and didn’t tell her. Usually to avoid upsetting her. But we were together practically all the time and she would just sit with me and hang out most of the time. We’d watch movies or go to eat or draw or whatever. Just hang out and keep me company. And we talked a lot too once we were close enough. About most anything really. Lots of normal funny random friend stuff but also had quite a few serious talks too. I was really struggling at the time and had only just recently gotten clean so she really helped me a lot. She even would write me letters/notes ha I still have some of them and read them when I’m feeling down. And usually cry. and she started this thing one time where she made me write down 5 things I liked about myself every single day. And they had to be different every day. And I’m pretty sure she made it more specific like that it had to be personality or something positive and actually hard instead of just something easy like only looks or something. But that might not have been one of the requirements. Idk. But point being, I actually had to think long and hard and come up with real answers, not just cheating ones ha it was really hard too at first. I could barely think of anything good. I had horrible self esteem back then. Still somewhat do. but it eventually got a little easier and I was thinking of things faster and even now I can usually do it. But back then I couldn’t at all so it was a big deal to me. Idk, she’s an amazing friend. We’re more like sisters haha I’m lucky I found her. But sorry. Idk what the point of that story was. Kinda ended up bragging about her I think the point though was that even with that amazing of a friend I kept stuff from her. And I keep stuff from my own family. They don’t know basically anything. But the weird thing is is even back then I told some of my online friends or random people. Idk. Needed someone to tell I guess? And online is easier. I think part of it is I was/am afraid of disappointing or upsetting anyone. So shit like relapses or just how I’m truly feeling when I’m having a hard time, is hard to get out. Even with you guys, I’d like to think we’re all relatively close now, or at least friends or know each other, so it’s even getting a little harder to tell some of you stuff cause you’re not “strangers” anymore haha that’s good though. I don’t wanna be. Just means I care about and like you guys since I’m worried about upsetting people or failing anyone ha

Anyway, there goes the verbal diarrhea again.

My original point and very long winded way of saying this was that feelings are sometimes hard for me so that combined with the phone call/anxiety thing and not wanting anyone to know or call for me, I’m not sure I’ll ever call.

I also have a history of saying I want to go to therapy and then flaking.

Even when I had free therapy at my last school I didn’t go. I almost did a couple times and some since then that’s not free but every time I wanted to go I would either chicken out and get scared and not go or I would convince myself I didn’t need it anymore. One time I was clean for over a year so I told myself I didn’t need it since I had been doing well being clean. Yeah..... I broke 2 months past the year mark. So much for not needing help, right? or I would tell myself I could do it on my own or just me and God and I was plenty strong enough without therapy... also utter bull crud. Not that God didn’t help, He did and has a lot since then (though my relationship’s been pretty back and forth/wishy washy), but clearly I also need professional help.

Yet I would come up with every reason under the sun why I didn’t and why I was fine. A load of horse rubbish.

I’m just worried I’ll do the same this time.

And I needed it way more then yet still didn’t.

So I’m pretty scared I’ll do the same as well as very scared about going.

Sorry, I know this was VERY long winded and VERY awkward/negative.

Oh and I am very glad we all have each other too. I love all of you guys.



X2 to everyone.

I haven't finished this novel yet. I will by the end of the day.
Find a place you want to get your hair cut at and give me the damn number...I'll call and make the appointment.

This:

Most of them do offer email too but I’m afraid I’m way too long winded for that.

Made me spit my fake coffee out.
I peed.

 

[Kiki]

But anyway, sorry to keep making it about me and keep making these huge posts and keep being so depressing.

Someone else’s turn to rant/vent now! Hah

Either that or maybe someone has a more chipper topic.

It's hot here.
Im pretty sure I'm going to die this summer.
I've never been dreading the summer months as much as I am this year.

 

[Kiki]

Oh K.. you’re lucky I like reading.

I struggle with phone anxiety as well, it’s a very silly and frustrating dilemma, isn’t it? Lately I’ve started coming to terms with how much anxiety actually effects my day-to-day life. I’ve been frienemies with depression for a long time but I was always in denial about anxiety.. don’t know how I missed that one.

I have no answers of course but I’ve accepted that certain things are just a part of us. Temptations to fall back into old addictions.. traumas.. whatever.. it’s not like you can snap your fingers and brainwash them away. You keep on keeping on and find new ways to grow and mature, despite your faults. And if you have one day where you’re a little uprooted because of a trigger you saw, or a passing toxic thought, that’s okay too. Because progress isn’t linear, and speedbumps don’t mean you have to hit the brakes and go into reverse.

Idk dude, now I’M rambling.

I'm going to call you today.
Force you to talk on the phone.
You know they will tell you to do the things you hate just to try and get over the fear of it.

 

[Kiki]

Well, I invited hubby’s family over on a whim for dinner tonight. He’s working every day this week but it was the only day that kind of worked for his birthday.

I haven’t slept and I’m trying to find energy to clean the house, vacuum, mow the lawn, finish the laundry, go grocery shopping, find a birthday cake, and make dinner.

I just can’t.

Yes you can.
I know you can.

 

[Kiki]

Yesterday, we finally built the littles their coop. They are going from this little grow out coop.
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And they are going to this one.
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It is one that we got clearanced off at TSC. And my neighbor happened to be there at the time and they helped us get it home on their trailer. They also let us use their Tax Exempt. Shh! Which was nice. So it was almost 50% savings on the original price. I know prefab coops aren't the greatest but I knew we were going to need it. It supposedly holds 18-20 birds. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I swear, it should be illegal for them to advertise such nonsense. I didn't know any better when I first got my chickens, hence the first itty bitty coop from when I first started my chicken obsession. But since they are free range all day long, it is a decent size for 8 birds just to sleep and lay in. Quite the difference to what they are in now. I still have to clean up around the yard and tweak it some. We need to put silicone over all of the nail holes. Hubby told me, "Ok, no more coops! We're done!" I told him that I am hoping that it will last a few yrs. At that point, if we do another coop, I want it to be a self built 10x12 or 12x12 walk-in type building that will house everyone together. That way we can get rid of the cheaper ones and use the coop that the 10 birds are in (the one we actually built last summer, not a prefab) as the hospital or brooder or whatever we need it to be. We'll figure it out as time goes by.

My best friend has decided she wants chickens. She doesn't understand why they even sell prefab coops If they don't house the number of birds they say on them. I keep telling her to join the site so she can learn and so I can stop answering all of her questions because she's not listening to me anyways.

She wants eggs yet she thinks she only wants silkies.

 

[CrazyCrttr75]

She wants eggs yet she thinks she only wants silkies.

This made me literally laugh out loud!
The Silkies will be broody so much of the time that she will hardly get any eggs at all. And if she gets any, they lay tiny ones (so I've read). She needs 2 non-broody type chickens for eggs and then her pet Silkies.

I have learned so much from this website over the past yr. I'm even amazed at myself in how much I have grown.

 

[Kiki]

This made me literally laugh out loud!
The Silkies will be broody so much of the time that she will hardly get any eggs at all. And if she gets any, they lay tiny ones (so I've read). She needs 2 non-broody type chickens for eggs and then her pet Silkies.

I have learned so much from this website over the past yr. I'm even amazed at myself in how much I have grown.

She is a total noob.
She knows zero about chickens so it's hard to explain everything quickly so that it makes sense.
I'm trying to make her understand that a coop really doesn't need to look cute. It's more important for it to 'work' right and she doesn't get it.

It's frustrating.
I need her to quit looking at Pinterest and FB.

 

[CrazyCrttr75]

She is a total noob.
She knows zero about chickens so it's hard to explain everything quickly so that it makes sense.
I'm trying to make her understand that a coop really doesn't need to look cute. It's more important for it to 'work' right and she doesn't get it.

It's frustrating.
I need her to quit looking at Pinterest and FB.

I wish we were talented enough to make a "cute" coop. The one coop that we built from the ground up was a chore. We're getting better with carpentry stuff but we really have to work at it. It doesn't come easy to us. If she is handy about building stuff, she can find coop plans that are functional as well as cute. I really wanted to build this one from MPC. I don't agree with their "accommodates 12 chickens" but eh. I think it is cute and I like how it's built. https://www.mypetchicken.com/catalo...op-w-Run-Building-Plans-12-chickens-p921.aspx
It's a bit overkill for Silkies but they have other plans. You just have to pay for them tho. Boo! But there are a gazillion FREE plans out there on the web.