A lil help with a 14 year old

[deb1]

My oldest son was ADHD as was his best friend.(Try having two ADHD boys over to your house for sleep overs

) Although they could be difficult, neither one of them were ever violent toward anyone. So, this problem goes beyond ADHD.

I don't think that anyone on this site can help you though. We don't know the family or what has gone into creating the boy's problems. He could have a serious mental disorder or he could have been abused at some point in his life.

The only thing that I could advise your friend about is that she should call the cops if he gets violent and that he needs some type of psychological help.

It sounds as if he is grieving over his grandparents death.

 

[cassie]

It's possible this kid is a plain old garden variety sociopath. In which case nothing will help. He needs to be evaluated for psychiatric illness but apparently that has been done. Any time he is dangerous he needs to be removed from the house ASAP. To lockup if that is the only thing that is available. And mother needs to be strong enough to press charges. She is doing neither him nor herself any favors by putting up with this abuse. He could very well end up killing her and/or his sister. It might be a good idea to read the book Without Conscience to see if he does exhibit the characteristics of a sociopath for her own information and self preservation, if nothing else.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Quote:
Send him to Thunderbird Youth Academy.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Instead of being a sociopath I think it is far more likely that the child is depressed. Emotions in teenagers are not expressed the same way they are in adults. Children often has problems handling intense emotions. The kid probably doewn't even know why he is doing this....intervention is called for. If the kid hits his sister or mother, cops are called for.

Implying that a fourteen year old, who you have never met, is a sociopath is a little harsh......just saying.

 

[redhen]

There are different levels of Sociopaths..Not all (actually most arent) the sterotype , as seen on t.v. serial killers. There are different levels... from drug dealers to pimps to prostitutes to lawyers and doctors and clergy men to your next door neighbor.
The kid needs an eval asap.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Quote:
To me this sounds like it might be exactly what he needs. Too bad he isn't old enough to enlist.

 

[cassie]

mom'sfolly :

Implying that a fourteen year old, who you have never met, is a sociopath is a little harsh......just saying.

I didn't imply that the kid was a sociopath. I suggested that this possibility needs to be checked out for the family's self preservation, if nothing else. Most sociopaths are not serial murderers, most are not in jail, and according to best estimates, about 1 in 25 of the general population is a sociopath. They will break your hearts and break your bank balance. They just think the world revolves around them and they are incapable of empathy. If the kid is a sociopath, the mother needs to know.​

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think the bottom line is this kid needs a psych evaluation, complete with drug testing. One of the unfortunate side effects of ADHD meds are angry, aggressive behaviour. It may be the kid rejects the meds because they make his problems worse, not better.

A parent can compel a pysch eval for a kid, and if the parent can prove that the child is a threat to himself or others, she should be able to get him commmitted on a 72 hour pysch watch.

The fact that the kid doesn't bathe, doesn't socialize, is angry and miserable makes me think that depression is still the most likely underlying issue.

 

[redhen]

mom'sfolly :

I think the bottom line is this kid needs a psych evaluation, complete with drug testing. One of the unfortunate side effects of ADHD meds are angry, aggressive behaviour. It may be the kid rejects the meds because they make his problems worse, not better.

A parent can compel a pysch eval for a kid, and if the parent can prove that the child is a threat to himself or others, she should be able to get him commmitted on a 72 hour pysch watch.

The fact that the kid doesn't bathe, doesn't socialize, is angry and miserable makes me think that depression is still the most likely underlying issue.

I also think its a mental illness of some sort. Not really sure about depression though. (could be though).
theres a LOT of different things it could be. ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) for one thing...many, many things it could be....
They had to take my foster son off of his ADD meds..they were making him act out also. They made him more irratable..etc..
Not sure what he has..but he has something wrong with him..
tell your friend to get an eval done on him. She also can call the state (dcf) for help. Alot of the kids that i get are voluntary placements from parents that are at the end of their ropes with kids like this one. The parents dont get blamed for the kids behavior or anything. What they do is get the kid the help that they really need. and they have everyone in therapy and they set goals for the kid AND his family and then they intergrate him back home slowly when hes stable enough.
She can also get a chinz (sp?) put on him...maybe call your local police dept about that..
a judge or maybe a probation officer will put specific behavior rules on the kid..and if he violates it then they take him to lock up or residential.
I hate to say it but your friend may be part of the problem if shes allowing this to happen. She needs to be firm and CONSISTENT and SERIOUS about discipline with him. She needs to discipline him EVERY time he acts out. But first to be fair to him she needs to sit down with him and explain the new rules and what WILL happen if he acts out. (i.e. take his things away..and i mean EVERYTHING is up for grabs...you find the things that he likes the most and take them away..) then he can earn them back with good behavior... (thats the KEY here..he has to EARN things back...they are not just given freely to him anymore...he needs to learn that his behavior will get him good results OR bad results...its ALL up to him...this will help him to start making the right choices by himself...)
theres alot that she can do..
and she needs to start doing it now..this kid is on a very scary path..

Personally..if it were me..the very FIRST time that kid raised his hand to me he would have been arrested...not sure why shes allowing herself to be abused? is their anything going on in the house that he could be seeing?' (i just have to ask this..sorry)
also...she needs to know that shes not doing him ANY favors by protecting him...she just 100% quaranteed setting him up for a miserable adult life by allowing these behaviors.​

 

[twentynine]

The chances of turning a 14 year old around is about as much chance as I have of becoming a Rhodes Scholar.
Military? --- for one thing he is to young, secondly they don't just take anybody.
Boarding School--- probably not in the cards, cost a lot of money.
Dr. Phil--- was that even a serious suggestion. File that away with the other reality TV ideas.
Deffinitely the kid needs evaluation. Was he evaluated for the diagnosis of ADHD? Or-- did the mom go to a DR complain of behavior and end up with meds?
Here in La we have a La. National guard youth challenge camps. These programs target troubled youths. The mother needs something like that in her home state.
Lots of other things you can "talk" about doing, however at this point if the situation is as described it has gone beyond being fixed by talk.